“Mate.”
“No,” he snapped. “This is my choice. You cannot make me leave. I’m staying with you.”
“Please.”
“No,” he repeated.
I snarled, my anger finally surfacing. “I am failing you, Caleb! I am the one harming you. How can I live with myself when I am the one hurting you? I can’t. You must leave. It’s what’s best. I do not deserve you nor am I worth your suffering.”
He threw his hands into the air. “Did it ever occur to you that I’m being the selfish one? That, knowing it’s hurting you, I’m staying anyway? That I’m being so incredibly selfish by staying?”
My jaw worked side to side, tears threatening to escape.
“I am not as selfless as you are portraying me to be, and you are not worthless, Zoltilvoxfyn. I am staying for me. I cannot bear the thought of even a moment away from you. I would rather cease to exist than have eternity without you by my side. Do you understand that? I care about you so much it hurts, likeactuallyhurts. You are my reason. I am going to stay here, no matter the cost, because I am that selfish.”
He held my face once again, and I leaned into him, even though his fingers would disappear beneath my scales.
“I love you,” Caleb said. “I love you, Zoltilvoxfyn.”
Tears slid down my cheeks. “I love you, Caleb.”
He smiled, but the joyous expression was like a knife stabbing my soul.
“I love you,” he repeated, over and over again.
Every time he said the words, something inside me grew—a helplessness. I loved him, desperately. He was my one and only mate. There would be no others after Caleb; my soul wouldn’t allow it. But he was being ripped from me, suffering because of me, and I didn’t know what to do.
Chapter 36
Who needs sleep? Not me.
The water sluiced over my scales as I attempted to wash away the stress. I’d met with my parents about the boobaas, but I barely recalled any of it. Monqilcolnen had to do most of the talking, though he’d glanced at me periodically. Caleb had remained by my side, not speaking, but he refused to budge on his stance, even though he was so transparent and gray that I struggled to see him clearly.
Cold wisps bloomed on my side, sliding up before forming the usual pattern on my back. Caleb slid in front of me and lowered to his knees. My stomach swooped as a pulse of want throbbed inside of me. I craved his touch, but more than that, I needed intimacy with my mate.
His fingers stroked my limp cock. Steadily, it swelled. My body was attuned to him—he fueled my desire with no effort whatsoever.
“Let me love you, Sunshine. We both need it.”
Any protest died on my lips when he stroked up and down my shaft. With my hands braced on the wall, I groaned. His fingers ghosted over my cock. Stars, his touch was slight, but every shift made me shiver.
Cold enveloped the head of my cock, and I looked down. Caleb had his lips wrapped around me. There wasn’t any pressure, but I saw the tip through the top of his head. A moan at the sight ripped out of me.
His fingers traced over my balls and hole as he slid up and down my cock, doing his best to maintain the image of sucking me. Unable to stop it, my hips canted forward. With his steady touches, I soon lost myself to the pleasure growing with every passing moment.
My fingers slid down to my shaft. Caleb wrapped his hand around mine as I pumped. “Caleb,” I cried, my balls drawing up tight.
“I want to see you come, Sunshine. I need it.”
With a strangled yell, I came, white ropes splattering the shower wall.
Caleb pressed against me, forehead rubbing my hip. “I love you.”
I stared at my mate, soul shattering with every passing moment. “I love you more than the sun in the sky or the earth beneath my feet or the wind in my wings. You are my very soul.”
Fyn had tried to fight sleep, for hours, but eventually, it came for him. I wished I could give him physical reassurance, but I couldn’t. There wasn’t even anything I could say to calm him. I was fading, dying again. My days were almost over.
I’d died once already, and it hadn’t been so bad, but somehow I didn’t think this would hold true the second time.
