To keep a bond strong, the Pack and its mates need to tend to each other, showering one another with love and physical contact. Help remind the ones who suffer that they’re not alone in this world. That’s a big burden for one person to do for two people, especially with one as a Match. It just increases the feelings that much more.
Maybe I should just jump in. The three of them have made it abundantly clear that if I need space, I have only to ask. More than once, they’ve left me to my own devices until I felt ready to engage again. The idea of sharing a bond with them is terrifying and comforting all at once. I’d never be truly alone again, but I also would understand the group better. Maybe there’s a way to learn how to shut the bond down some, just stifle the emotional flow for a little bit if I get overwhelmed.
It’s scary, but I know exactly what needs to happen, and I’m not going to put it off. When I get back to Henry’s, I see everyone’s car sitting there, and I know it’s going to be an event. Especially since Ray is also home. She is one big personality, and I can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm for life. Also, her sass. I need to pay attention and learn from her.
Everyone is in the kitchen, and Vic is cooking with some help from Ray while Josie and Henry observe with extremely unhelpful commentary.
“You call that chopping? My grandma chops faster than you!” Josie fires out in a fake angry voice.
“Hey! Don’t forget who’s cooking your food over there! I can easily burn it! I’m a Beta on the edge!” Vic replies.
“I need some popcorn for this show,” I comment as I stand in the entryway to the kitchen.
Josie’s head whips toward me, and she squeals, “Jesse!”
I meet her halfway as she hops down from her spot at the counter and runs to greet me. My arms wrap around her, holding her tightly as she holds me, my coffee abandoned on thecounter so I can hold her. The bag from the music shop is still in my hand, and Josie notices it after a moment.
“What’s this?” she pulls back to see.
I grin, “Couldn’t resist getting my Omega a gift.”
She lights up and grins, “Gimmie gimmie gimmie!”
Laughing, I hand it over to her, enjoying the pure joy she exudes from receiving a gift. She peeks in and gasps, yanking the shirt out and letting the bag fall to the floor. After a quick evaluation, she holds the shirt closely to her.
“Thank you!!” she squeals before attacking my mouth with hers.
I happily respond to her enthusiasm and put all of myself into the kiss, but I know dinner is going to happen soon, so we don’t go further. Before I fully let her go, my eyes meet hers, and my voice is steady as I speak.
“I want to bond with you, Josie. I want to bond the Pack. I want to be in, fully and completely.”
A coughing noise terribly hides Ray saying, “That’s what she said,” and the entire romantic declaration goes out the window.
Vic starts cracking up, Ray is giggling up a storm, Josie is trying not to laugh, and Henry is doing his best to remain firm. Spoiler alert: he’s failing.
“Ray, really right now?” Henry chides.
Ray just shrugs, “You want a mature and romantic moment? Don’t do it in a room with an immature teenager.”
There’s more laughter and banter, but before we sit, Josie turns back to me and leans in to whisper to me.
“Yes.”
thirty-six
SIMON
Vic has been gone from the house more and more. I’m eating dinner alone again and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. When Vic and I talked about Pack and relationships, I thought I had it worked out. I felt confident, like it was going to be okay.
When Josie found out about my rut, it all crumbled. There was so much shame in me, as if I’d failed her by being unable to control myself. When it was just Vic and me, it was easy to believe him, and I was planning to talk to Henry and Josie after both Vic and I were healed. Instead, Josie caught on to something in Vic’s voice and came here before I was ready.
The horror in her voice still rings in my ears, and the only phrase that I can hear is “How could you do this?” I can’t remember if she really said that, but it’s her voice I hear when that question runs through my brain. How could I maim her best friend like that? How could I attack the man I’m in love with? What if I attack her next? Shame threatens to swallow me whole, and there are some moments when I want to let it.
My gourmet dinner of cold pizza that’s been in the fridge too long settles like a rock in my stomach. I need some air. Grabbing a beer, I leave via the front door and head to my truck. While it’stechnically a truck, it’s not full-size and it’s not used for hauling anything. It was just the right price at the right time a few years ago.
There’s a camping chair in the bed, so I open it and sit in the back of my truck on the chair, one foot resting on the side of the truck bed. It’s a peaceful evening in a quiet neighborhood. The weather is beautiful, and by all rights, I should feel calm and relaxed. Too bad the only thing that can fix me is the woman I drove away. Pretty sure Vic is on the edge of leaving, too.
My head flops back and hangs off the back of the chair a bit, letting the wind blow gently through the curls on my head. Maybe I’m just meant to sabotage everything, be alone for the rest of my life because of one shitty experience that I’m letting dictate my fears. A car pulls up nearby, but I leave my head back, eyes locked on the darkening sky as clouds gently float by.
