Underneath a few other folded shirts, I see a Rick Astley shirt that she absolutely needs to have. The shirt is cream-colored, with neon lettering spelling his name, and his picture in black and white, framed by a colorful square and a blue squiggle line. It’s a size XXL, but I don’t think it will matter to Josie. If it’s too big, she can wear it as pajamas or something.
“Is this actually vintage?” I ask the cashier as he processes my purchase.
He inspects the shirt, “I don’t think so, but I’m not sure. I don’t do the purchasing.”
Fair enough. I give him my payment and leave the shop, walking down the sidewalk. Coffee is calling my name before I head home, so I amble down to Simon’s coffee shop. I’m torn on the inside about whether or not I want to actually see him. The man has great taste in coffee, so I want to support his business; however, on the other hand, he hasn’t reached out to Josie at all. He also hasn’t outright rejected her, so it’s hard to tell where he stands.
The shop is busy when I walk in, but the line moves quickly. I order and step to the side to wait, noting a distinct lack of Simon. I’m not sure if it’s good or bad quite yet, but when my name is called, I step forward to grab my coffee regardless. As I’m about to turn and leave, I glance up and see Simon looking at me from just beyond the registers. He’s standing in the back hallway tothe offices, looking unsure and insecure. I gesture with my head for him to follow me, but I turn before waiting to see if he does.
I couldn’t tell you why I invited him to follow me out. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, trying to socialize more. Maybe I saw something in his eyes that triggered compassion in me. I don’t know, but I’m not trying to figure it out. I’m just going with the flow here. Once I exit the cafe, I glance behind me to see Simon not more than a few steps behind me. We take a few steps away from the doors and stop to look at each other.
“Well?” he asks.
“What?”
He frowns, “You motioned for me to follow you.”
“True,” I shrug.
“Do you need something?”
“Doyou?” I counter, like a smartass.
He scoffs, “I don’t have time for this.”
“Seems like you have a lot of time, if you ask me,” I tell him, raising a brow.
Simon pinches his nose between his eyes, “Stop with the games and say what you wanna say.”
“You ever gonna call her?” I straight out ask.
“Why would I? She’s too good for me,” he counters.
I shrug like I don’t care, when I actually care deeply about what he chooses to do.
“Then reject her,” I tell him.
He blanches, “Absolutely not!”
“Right, so you won’t go to her and try to fix anything, but you also won’t let her go. You’ve got to choose, man, you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too.”
“It’s not like you have room to talk,” Simon retorts, “You left during her heat, too.”
“I did. I left. Then she kicked my ass. She dressed me the fuck down, and I let her. Because I fucked up. Then I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started fixing things.”
“You make it sound easy,” he scoffs.
“Because it is!” I all but shout at him, “It is easy! You admit you fucked up, let her have whatever reaction and interaction she needs, thenbe there for her.”
Simon looks down at the ground, surprising me by breaking eye contact first. I step closer to him and force his eyes back on mine.
“If my anti-social, emotionally stunted ass can understand that and then be there for her, there’s no reason you can’t too. This act you’re pulling is damaging and unattractive. I’m surprised Vic still puts up with it.”
Simon’s eyes flash with hurt, and he moves around me to go back into the cafe.
Was that a low blow? Hell yes, it was, but it’s true. I am surprised Vic still puts up with this shit. How is he not over it? How has Josie not rejected him yet? It’s not my place to question their relationships, so I don’t. If Simon shows up for them, I’ll happily include him going forward. The longer he does this, though, the closer I get to snapping. I can see the strain it’s putting on Josie and Vic, and how Henry feels helpless to do anything.
On the way back to Henry’s, I force myself to confront some shit. Henry is trying to keep the three of them balanced and together. Normally, they would all share the burden, but I can see the burnout happening in Josie and Vic as they try to battle the hole left by Simon in their lives while supporting the Pack. If there were more than three of them, they wouldn’t have to work so hard. They could focus on healing their pain, and others could be the caretakers of the bonds.
