Page 89 of Mask and the Magnolia
I gnaw my lower lip and scratch at my scar. “It’s fine.”
“No. No, sweetheart, it’s not fine.”
I shrug a shoulder and look away. “I got used to it.” I can tell he’s somehow even more tense than before and I flinch. “Hasn’t happened in quite a while but I can see where someone might not like that. I mean, I didn’t like it either, but I can see where someone might not like me because of it. It’s okay if you don’t.”
“Calix,” Korvin says as he blows out a breath. “Sweetheart, don’t you get it?”
I shrug again but don’t answer him.
If I say what I’m thinking and it’s wrong, he might get frustrated with me. If I say it and it’s right, doesn’t that mean he’s going to be frustrated anyway? He wasn’t joking about this shit being complicated or complex. For someone like me it’s basically rocket science or brain surgery.
“You doubt yourself way too fucking much.” I glance at Korvin, his stare fixed on me as he speaks. “You are so much smarter than you think, so much more deserving of happiness than you realize.”
“Yeah, okay,” I snort then quickly straighten up. “Sorry.”
“And that. Apologizing for your thoughts or feelings? Being sorry for who you are as a person? That’s bullshit, too.”
He’s starting to sound like Dr. Lowe.
“Damn straight,” he grunts as if he read my mind. “Because it’s true. You know what else is?”
I shake my head then decide I should pull the bandaid off and face him while he says what no doubt is going to crush me.
“You deserve to be loved. Wholly. Completely. By someone who isn’t going to take anything from you unless you give it to them first. A mate who’s going to give you the world and love that you’re in it instead of making you pay for being a part of it.” Korvin makes eye contact with me, never once looking anywhere else. “I don’t know how I’m going to make that last part happen but, sweetheart, I love you because you are mine. Mine and theirs.”
My heart has been racing this entire time but those words, the conviction in them, the genuineness running through each one, it has the damn thing banging against my ribs so hard it actually hurts. I might pass out. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone tell me they loved me.
I’ve had people tell me what I loved, who I loved, how I loved things but I honestly can’t say I remember anyone telling me that they love me in any way at all.
The fact that Korvin is the first person who said it, a guy who rarely talks to people, and I can tell he means it, well that’s huge. It’s enormous, and the fact that it’shimhas something in my chest nearly snapping into place.
Either that or my heart broke a rib.
“But that’s also why I can’t be with you right now, not yet. I want to. My god, I fucking want to but I don’t want to be another alpha who makes you feel used.”
I can hear my blood rushing in my ears and my head starts to spin as that hope, that high I was about to let myself chase comes crashing down around me. The disappointment slams into me, it knocks the breath from my lungs and has me clutching my chest.
That feels like rejection. A lot like rejection. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know it isn’t but that’s how it feels. The person I want to please more than anything just said he can’t be with me and those words cause a pain I might not get out from under so quickly.
If I screwed up, if I upset him to make him feel like I’m not worth the trouble, I don’t know what I’ll do.
I have to show him.
I have to show him I’m worth it, that I can be what he wants me to be and I can do whatever he wants me to do.
Wringing my hands so hard the skin burns, I take a few steps toward Korvin while my mind races, while I try to think of a way to make him keep me.
”I…” I look around the room, checking the organized and stocked shelves as if the answer will be sitting on one. “I… I could…” Korvin shakes his head and the panic I was feeling roars to the forefront of my mind and drives me to react. “I’m good with my mouth.”
He frowns. “What?”
I nod as I move toward him quickly. “I know how to use it, I’m good at that.” I reach for his waist where the sleeves of the jumpsuit are tied, the top still rolled down from his workout. “That’ll make you happy, right?”
“Calix—“
“I know I can make you happy,” I say as I frantically undo them, my eyes and nose stinging. “If I do, then you’ll want to keep me. I won’t screw up anymore, I’ll do whatever you want me to do, and I’ll make you happy.”
One hand moves to the front of his jumpsuit where I place it over his crotch, rubbing so he gets hard while I use the other to try to unzip the rest of the way.
