Page 90 of Mask and the Magnolia
“Calix,” Korvin barks, his hands stilling my own, gently stopping me despite the firm tone. “This is not how you make me happy.”
I look up at him wide eyed, tears swimming in my vision as I nod. “It is. I can feel it. Just let me show you. I’ll prove I’m worth keeping and I’ll do whatever you say. Please.”
He shakes his head, two storms raging down at me. “This isn’t how. It’s not going to happen like this.”
”You like it, though. My hands on you.” I try to move my hand on his erection but he won’t let me so I attempt to squeeze him and hope springs up again when he groans. “See. I promise, you will like it and?—“
”That’s not how this works!” Korvin snaps, taking my hands and pushing them away. “You don’tkeepsomeone based on what they can do for you, you don’t throw them away for whatthey can’t or won’t. Sex isn’t supposed to be the way you’ve experienced it, it’s not supposed to happen like that, and it sure as hell isn’t a bargaining tool for you to use on your mates. That’s not what love is, Calix!”
I shake my head and try getting close to him again. “It doesn’t have to be love, not if you don’t want it to. If you don’t really love me like that. I’m not asking you to, I just want you to keep me. Let me show you I’m worth keeping. Please.”
He stifles a growl of frustration, something I’m all too familiar with as he starts to pace. “That’s the thing. Youareworth keeping. You’re worth so much more than that, especially to me. We share a fate bond, Calix. You aren’t someone I could ever walk away from, not someone I could just throw away because you think you’re not good enough. I won’t let you degrade yourself by using your body that way,Iwon’t use your body that way. Sex with someone you love isn’t supposed to be like that! Love is not conditional!”
”Then show me!” I shout, something inside of me breaking over his words, over the bond I do feel. Then I start to cry. For the first time in decades, I cry because I don’t understand it but I know what I feel for Korvin is love and what he’s saying contradicts that. “Explain it to me so I understand! Show me what it’s supposed to be like!”
He immediately pulls me to him, Korvin wrapping me in his arms and holding me tightly to his chest as he presses a kiss to my hair. “Calix, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I?—“
“No!” I shove myself away from him, swiping at my tears as I take a few steps back. “No, I’m not going to sit here and listen to you apologize for whatever you think you’re apologizing for because to me, it feels like you’re saying you’re sorry that you don’t want me, and you think I’m too stupid to understand what you mean.” I glare at him as he opens his mouth then keep talking when he closes it. “And maybe I am when it comes to a lotof things, like the finer details in all of this bullshit but I do know that what I’ve experienced isn’t what love actually is. It’s not how it’s supposed to be. If someone loves you they don’t make you do horrible things to them, they don’t do horrible things to you. I know that. What I don’t know ishowit’s actually supposed to be. I don’t know what it’s like to be able tochooseto be with someone, to touch them or kiss them because Iwant to.I didn’t have a fucking clue what it’s like to be touched by someone who genuinely gives a damn about me until you did. I don’t know what sex is supposed to be like between people who really care for each other, who might love each other and make the decision to be together in that way. I don’t know how to use my body or sex in any way other than what I’ve been shown nearly my entire life and having a glimpse of something different makes me want that. I’m not as smart as you or your pack but I do know I’ve never had that and I really want someone to give it to me.”
I press the heel of my hand into my eye as I go to walk past Korvin, over this entire shitshow because it didn’t go anything like the way I thought it would. I need to leave, to go lick my wounds in private because after my little outburst, chances of Korvin wanting me in any capacity are slim to none and I don’t feel like sticking around to hear about it.
With an irritated sniffle, I grab the knob, ready to yank the door open and run but I can’t.
Not when an alpha the size of Korvin slams his hand against it right next to my head then spins me around to face him.
”You tell me to stop and I will.”
My brow furrows in confusion as I look up at him. “What are you talking about?”
”You tell me to stop,” he repeats as his free hand cups my cheek, catching a few stray tears before it slides to the side of my neck. “And I will fucking stop.”
The last word is barely out before Korvin’s lips are on mine.
This kiss is so different from before. It’s urgent and hungry. It’s frenzied and possessive. This kiss is full of need. Full of want. There’s almost a small level of panic, an undertone of anxiety in the way Korvin is kissing me.
It feels like he doesn’t want me to go.
My hands move to his chest as he backs me against the door, fingers curling against his pecks as I fist his tank top and try to match his aggression.
It’s the kind that doesn’t scare me. An aggressiveness that’s good because it means he wants me. Korvin wants me because he loves me, because we share a fate bond. He doesn’t care about what I can give him if anything at all, and he won’t take whatever that may be unless I give it to him because he wants me to be happy.
”You really want to know what it’s like to be with someone who loves you?” Korvin asks as he trails open mouth kisses down the side of my neck, his teeth grazing the top of my shoulder.
I nod as my eyes slide closed. “Please, Korvin. Show me.”
He growls as his teeth nip a little harder. “You become the focus.” He kisses my collarbones and throat, the little bit of my chest that’s exposed through the top of my jumpsuit. “Your needs, your wants. Your desire. Your pleasure.”
I hope he’s focused enough to figure those things out for me because I don’t have a clue. I’ve never been in a situation where I could think about myself like that. It’s always been fight or flight, kill or be killed. There wasn’t time to sit down and put thought into what I might want or what I might like, not when my future was pretty set in stone and my present was a daily battle.
“It’s about making sure you know how loved you are,” Korvin says as he slowly unzips my jumpsuit. “Making you feel good because of it.” The he looks me in the eyes and asks, “Can I show you how I feel, Calix? Can I try to help you feel it, too?”
“Please?”
”It means I’m going to be touching you in more places than I already have, and in different ways. I need to know you’re okay with that before I keep going, and that you will stop me if you don’t like something I do or don’t want to go any further.”
”I will,” I whisper as I nod, a real smile touching my lips as he searches my face. “You might be overthinking this, Vin. I’m not going to be hard to please, not if it’s you.”
He arches a brow. “Vin?”
