Page 88 of Mask and the Magnolia
“It is very hard not to do that the way my instincts are telling me to.” Korvin smiles as he kisses me again, a bit more pressure but much quicker before he lifts his head and looks me in the eye. “One more question, sweetheart.”
“Okay.”
“Before I ask it, I need you to know my reaction isn’t because of you. It’s not because you’ve done anything wrong, or because I’m upset with you in any way.”
I eye him skeptically and nod slowly.
That makes me a little nervous.
The only reason I’m not freaking out about what he said, why I’m not losing my mind over what he might want to ask me is because he’s still touching me.
Korvin’s hands on my neck, thumbs still smoothing over my pulse. How his hands are rough but comforting. There is no demand or expectation from his touch. It’s genuine. It’s soothing.
He’s doing it because he wants to.
Still, the fact that he has to give me a warning makes me uneasy.
I don’t want to say something that would make him stop looking at me the way he does, or wanting to touch me like this. I don’t want Korvin to send me away.
“I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to this,” he says as he takes a deep breath, kisses me, then lets go and moves one step back. “It’s important to get confirmation because of what it means to bond, because of how that happens.”
My heart starts racing again, my nerves turning into panic as Korvin puts a little more distance between us.
I was okay, I didn’t feel like this was going to end badly but now I’m not so sure.
His eyes close for a second as Korvin takes a few deep breaths, like he’s trying to calm himself down already. “God, I don’t even know how to ask you this.”
“Just ask,” I blurt as I start wringing my hands. “It won’t hurt anything to do that.” I don’t think so anyway.
He nods as his eyes flip open, a storm raging in his light gray irises. “Have you ever been with someone because you wanted to be with them?”
My brow furrows. “No one ever wants to be with me so how could I be with someone if I wanted to?”
“No, sweetheart.” Korvin gives me a small smile as he shakes his head. “While I think that’s fucking bullshit, it’s not what I’m asking.”
Well, here’s my stupidity coming into play again. I have no clue what the hell he’s asking.
Something he must read on my face judging by the look on his.
“I mean, have you everbeen with someone? In that way. Because you chose to be with them. Not because they,” he says as he swallows down another growl. “Not because they forced you.”
Oh.
Oh, I see. “You mean sex.”
“Yeah,” Korvin grunts.
“No,” I say with a shrug but I think that was the wrong answer because he doesn’t seem to like hearing it.
I’m being honest.
I never wanted to be with any of those people but there have been so many over the years that it became somewhat of a normal thing for me. From my earliest memories up until they moved me to Ward B a few years ago. That’s when it finally stopped but before that, it just happened and I dealt with it.
I took that pain and gave it to someone else, then I moved on until the next time.
Korvin’s hands ball into fists at his sides, his jaw clenches so hard I can see the muscles ticking along the entire thing. His chest starts heaving and just when I think he is actually upset with me, he shakes his head.
“Not you, Calix.” Korvin tries to control his breathing, tries to school his entire demeanor. “I’m angry because that happened to you, but I’m not angry with you.”
