Page 23 of Outside the Lines
"And then somewhere between you leaving home and me finding you, somehow you survived on the streets."
"I did." I looked up at him again. "Are you okay? You look a little sick."
He sighed. "I'm okay. Did you ever talk to your dad again?"
I shook my head. "I didn't see much of a point to it really. I was telling him what had been happening for years, and he didn't care. I'd allowed it though. Maybe I'd even wanted it."
Alex came across the bed toward me, and I lifted my head to look up at him. "No, you didn't. You were a child being abused by an adult. There's no way that you could have wanted that."
"I wanted to play with the rabbits," I reminded him. I wasn't completely innocent in what had happened. I'd gotten something out of it too.
He leaned forward and kissed the top of my knee. "You were a child. He did something horrible to you. None of what happened is your fault. You're not to blame at all and you have nothing to feel guilty about."
"If I'd said no. If I'd said that I didn't want to play with the rabbits…"
"Then he might have forced himself on you sooner. He's the monster. Not you." Alex kissed my other knee. "Please, Trin. Please believe me. Please don't blame yourself for that."
I was trying not to. Years of therapy, and sometimes I still thought that if I had said no right away, instead of letting it progress, that maybe nothing would have happened. "My name was Avery Wilkins," I whispered. I hadn't been Avery in so many years though. I didn't even remember who they were beyond a frightened child.
"You'll always be Socks or Trin to me," Alex promised me.
I liked that. I needed that from him.
"If I take today off, will you do the same?"
I nodded. I didn't want to go into work right now. I was feeling far too vulnerable for that. I needed a personal day to get my head clear again.
"And if I hugged you, and we laid down together would that be okay?"
"Yes. Please."
He was about to lie down next to me, but then he hesitated. "Do you want me to go get some clothes on?"
I looked up and met his gaze. "I know that you're not him. You're nothing like him. You ask and you check in with me. You make sure that I want what's happening every step of the way. You made sure that I enjoyed last night too. I know you're not him. Please don't think that I don't know that."
He leaned closer and kissed me. I cupped his cheek. Then we lay down together under his heavy blankets. I texted my boss and told her that I needed a mental health day. He texted Kim. I wasn't sure what he told her.
"I'm off today. No problems at all with it," he said as he rolled over me and hugged me tightly.
"Thank you," I quietly said as we stayed there together.
"For what?"
I smiled. "Not blaming me for my part in what happened to me."
He held me a bit closer. "I never would have."
I still did, but I didn't tell him that.
"Trin?"
I glanced over my shoulder at him. "Yes?" I was afraid of what he was going to say. Maybe he'd changed his mind and realized I wasn't as innocent in my childhood as he'd originally thought.
"I love you."
I smiled and turned back over. "I love you too."
Chapter Seven
