Page 24 of Outside the Lines
Alex
We lay together until close to two. I'd gotten hungry, but I didn't want to let go of Trin. I was pretty sure they had managed to fall asleep again. I just kept thinking about the child Trin had been and how vulnerable and scared they had probably been for years. The abuse had lasted for at least six years. No wonder they blamed themselves. I wanted to be able to go back in time and rescue Avery and comfort them and promise them it would never happen again. I wanted to go back and lock their father and his friend away forever. And then I was thinking about Socks and how absolutely frightened they'd been. And how tired. Like they'd been fighting everything for so long, and Trinity House was finally the one place where they could slow down and be safe.
I needed to be able to save Avery and Socks, but I couldn't. All I could do now was help Trin. They stirred and I lifted my arms from around them so that they could get up if they wanted to without possibly feeling like I'd trapped them. "Do you want me to make lunch?"
"Can we order in instead?" I didn't eat at home much, and there wasn't a lot available here beyond cereal.
Trin nodded and slid off the bed. I watched them go. I loved their pale skin and how their long hair went almost completely down their back. They pulled on their skirt and the tank top from the night before.
"Alex?" They turned back to me.
I sat up. "Yes?"
"What I told you... thank you for not blaming me or using it against me. I haven't told anyone but my dad and I was afraid to. Not even my therapists have ever known my full history. Andy knows something happened to me, and I hinted at things with you before, but you're the only one that knows everything. And I wanted to thank you."
I got off the bed too and hugged them loosely. "I never will. You don't have to worry about that. What happened to you was horrible and it was never your fault. None of it was."
Trin kissed me on my cheek then stepped out of my arms. "I'm going to go order us some food. Do you care where I get it from or what I order?"
I shook my head. "Not at all. I'm going to shower. I'll be out in a few minutes."
"Okay." They walked away, giving me my privacy even though I really didn't need it. I had a brief impulse to get my phone and look up Avery Wilkins. I wanted to know where they were from and what, if anything, had happened to their father. If they were dead maybe it would give Trin some peace. I secretly hoped that he and his friend had driven off a cliff and died together or something. It would serve them right.
But then I stopped. I went to take a shower instead. Trin had shared as much as they were willing to with me. I didn't need to know when they were born, or where they'd grown up. I knew what they wanted me to know. I knew what was important for them to tell me. I could still be curious. And me deciding not to use the internet to find out more about them didn't make me less curious at all. It meant that I was respecting them and their boundaries. It meant that I was loving them.
When I came out of the bedroom with a t-shirt and a pair of jeans on, Trin was already accepting the pizza from the delivery driver. They looked at my phone in my hand, and then up at me, before saying goodbye to the driver. "Did you look me up?" Trin asked me as I tossed my phone onto the couch before taking the pizza from them.
"No." I wanted to be honest with them though, even if it made me look bad. "But I did consider it."
Trin shrugged. "I would have too. You know a lot about me now. More than anyone else. But there are other things that you don't know too. Maybe I can answer those questions for you, if you wanted me to. There are things that even Googling me wouldn't have told you."
"The only thing I might be looking up online today is what area of the city I should start looking for a house in. As much as I like apartment living, I miss having a house and a yard and a deck where I could lay out when I got off work and just relax."
We grabbed plates and then slices of pizza. Trin had played it safe and had gone with a plain cheese pizza. "You're thinking about moving?" Trin asked me when we were sitting down at the dining room table together.
"I am. My ex has the house. I didn't want it. In the divorce, he agreed to pay a set amount for my rent until I found a place, and he has kept up his end of the agreement, and I can continue to stay here for a few more months too. And I probably will since I don't want to rush into anything and I hate the idea of moving again so soon. But not having to pay rent lately has let me save up some money, and I want to buy a place again. Something small. I don't need a lot of space. Somewhere that you'd feel comfortable too."
Trin slowly blinked at me, their slice of pizza held nearly to their mouth but not quite. "You'd buy your house based on how I felt?"
That wasn't quite what I'd been saying, but actually, it sort of was too. I put my elbows on the table and leaned in closer to them. "Trin, I want you in my life. Wanting you in my house, wherever that ends up being, is part of that. I imagine that sometimes we'll be at your place, and sometimes at mine. Or we could just all move in together."
Their eyes got wide and I hadn't realized what I'd let slip. "I didn't mean..."
Trin shook their head and I stopped talking.
After a while they started breathing again, but it was shallow and forced. "We only just reconnected. I'm not moving in with you right away."
"I know that. I do. Just... think about it. Maybe?" I wasn't afraid of the idea, but I wasn't ready to live with another person again so soon either. But as I thought about it, I knew that having Trin around that often would make me happy. It absolutely would. I just needed them to see that as well. "And talk it over with Andy at some point?"
"You'd want him there?"
I shrugged. "I'd kind of assumed that you two were a package deal when you said that you wouldn't have moved anyway since Andy loved the place so much."
Trin leaned back then pulled one of their knees against their chest. I knew that stance. They were thinking. I'd seen it for four years at Trinity House. Seconds later, they started drumming their fingers on the table. "If I moved in with you, it wouldn't just be Andy coming with me."
"The cat too?" I guessed.
Trin nodded. "And Sally. Which means that you and Andy both would have to be approved foster parents. She's been through too much, and if I'm moving somewhere new, it has to be big enough for her too. If I can help her, then I will. So three bedrooms, absolutely minimum."
