Page 152 of Trading Paint
This shit wasn’t going to make me feel any better so I turned the bottle of whiskey around to see if it had side effects...none listed.
I gladly accepted the side effects though, anything was better than what I was feeling right now.
Emma pushed me off the chair when she walked into the kitchen. I didn’t bother to get up but tripped her as she walked by.
“You brought this upon yourself asshole.”
“Get out.” I rubbed my forehead.
“No, I live here too.” She sat down to annoy me some more. “Why are you somoppy?”
“Get out!” I roared and then calmed myself a little. My dad would skin me if he heard me yelling at Emma like that and I was sure he was somewhere within the huge house. “Please, just leave me alone.”
I think Emma knew me well enough to know when harassing me wasn’t a good idea and now was one of them.
I stared at my phone, wanting to call Sway, wanting to hear her voice.
Would she want me? Would she love me in the ways I loved her?
After the entire bottle was empty and I was searching the liquor cabinet for more, in walked Spencer.
He looked at me contemplatively, I think. I did just drink a fifth of whiskey, he could be flipping me off for all I know.
“You know,” he began and I groaned.
Why can’t people just leave me be?
“You can’t expect her to know how you feel if you don’t tell her.”
“I thought you were leaving for Rockingham tonight?” I growled slamming the cupboard door closed when I couldn’t find any more alcohol.
He shrugged taking a seat at the breakfast island. “No, I’m going with you and I’m hungry.”
I found another bottle of whiskey stashed above the fridge, pulled it out and dropped down next to him.
I pushed the bottle to him. “Here,”
“I said hungry,” he looked at the bottle ofVicodin. “Combining narcotics huh?”
“Fuck you.”
“I don’t get you.” He shook his head and took both my bottles away from me. “You fuck around for years avoiding what you feel for her. Then,” he emphasized this by throwing his hand in the air. “You finally pull your head out of your ass and realize you love her but you let her leave again.”
I slammed my fist down on the granite not wanting to hear the truth. My head fell forward. I’d barely admitted this to myself, why would I want to hear someone else say it?
“You told me too.” I pointed out trying to emphasize he aided in my sleeping around.
“I didn’t think you’d listen!”
“Fuck you Spencer.” I ripped both bottles from his hands and stumbled to my room.
I couldn’t feel much of anything within an hour so I guess the intended use worked.
I knew I loved her, took me long enough to discover that but how could I actually have her?
I could cut the strings and let her go, let her have the life she deserved with a man that could provide her that.
It was a good idea except it didn’t give me her and it was impossible for me because letting go was not an option.
