Page 153 of Trading Paint
What else was I going to do, tell her how I felt?
Nope. That would be far too easy but the hardest part would be hearing she didn’t feel the same. It also goes back to finding the right words to say. I usually never faltered for words but with her, when everything depended on those words, I couldn’t form them.
The next morning Tommy stopped by, he was going to Rockingham with us and then back to Elma for a few weeks. I wasn’t in the best mood, I did drink a little, okay a lot but that wasn’t why. I still had no clue what I should do. I was sick of feeling like this.
For a guy who had been so vigilant on one mission for so long, I was thrown a curve ball with this newfound discovery thatme, Jameson Riley, loved someone. Thatsomeonewasn’t just anyone either, she was my best friend.
“Did you change out the coil springs in Justin’s car for the torsion bars?”
“Yeah, I changed the gears too.”
Tommy tried to get me to talk but I remained silent most of the morning as we loaded the sprint cars for Greg West, the driver of the transporter for my sprint car team. Once that was finished, we had about four hours before we had to leave. The nice thing about the next race being in North Caroline was that we didn’t need to fly.
“You know,” Tommy began, kicking my leg as I slumped on the couch in the race shop. “I’m tired of you being so stubborn.”
“I’ll be sure to drop you comment in the I-don’t-give-a-fuck pile later.”
“That’s harsh.”
“It was meant to be harsh.”
He dropped down beside me on the couch. “I’d offer you a beer but I think you had enough to drink last night.”
I was silent so he kept talking. Tommy never knew when to shut up. “Did you talk to her last night?”
I shook my head. “I fucked up Tommy. I don’t know how to fix this.”
“Let’s go fishing.”
“What? Why? I don’t fish.” How this had anything to do with my problem was what I wanted to know.
Tommy jumped up from the couch. “Well when my dad said he fucked up with my mom, we went fishing so he could think.
Not understanding his logic, we went fishing until we had to leave.
Tommy being Tommy didn’t allow me to think, he talked the entire time.
“If you don’t stop talking, I will throw you out of this goddamn boat.”
“I’m just saying.”
“Saying what? You’re not making any sense and I thought I was supposed to be thinking.”
“We are.”
“No, you’re talking. I’m listening. Well not really.” I dangled my fishing pole in the water but I had yet to catch anything and doubted I would. I knew nothing about fishing. Honesty, the sport seemed boring to me. To fish you needed patience, patience I didn’t have.
“Well then think...I shouldn’t have to tell you to think.”
“Stop talking.”
I did think a little but it just confused me more. I had no idea how to tell her what changed in me and I wanted more from her. Could I ask for more but still remain friends with her?
I wanted to know that if I couldn’t have her in all the ways I wanted, that I could at least have her in some way, the only way I thought she wanted me, and that was physically. It would be ideal. We wouldn’t have worry about all the hassles of a relationship that neither of us had time for.
23.Grid – Jameson
Grid – The starting order of cars, as determined by qualifying position. The cars line up on pit road prior to the race in qualifying order; this is referred to as the grid.
