She looks down sulkily.
‘Bibi,’ I say in a low warning voice, ‘I love you, you’re very important to me, but Alex is really important to me, too. I’veknown her since I was eleven. I fucked things up between us years ago and this is my second chance. Please don’t ruin things for me.Please.’
She looks up, worried. ‘Are you getting back together?’
‘What? No!’ I shake my head. ‘I meant a second chance at our friendship. I would nevereverrisk things with Alex like that again. It’s taken seven years to rebuild what sex ruined. Ifanyonehas sex with Alex again, I’ll get pissed off.’ I laugh as I put a hand on Bibi’s shoulder. ‘Look, Beeb, Lou and I really want Alex back in our lives and we need you to understand that. She’s not pushing you out! We don’t have a one-in one-out policy over here. In fact, we’d love it if you could be friends with Alex, too. Can you make an effort? I think if you do, you’ll realize she’s fucking wonderful. She’s funny and clever and brave. She makes all of us more fun, you’ll see.’
Bibi sighs dramatically. ‘OK, fine.’
I return to the living room, a sheepish Bibi at my heels, and clap loudly.
‘Right! Back to the pub? You guys missed some mad duck rape.’
Alex looks at me sternly.
‘Sorry.’ I dip my head. ‘Some mad duck fire.’
EX 3: ALEX SHELLEYAKA The Friend With BenefitsPART THREE
Our flat
Sitting room
10.44am
‘What are you doing down there?’
‘Dropped a satsuma, didn’t I?’ Her voice is muffled, half buried under the sofa.
‘What?’ I am flummoxed.
Alex emerges, red-faced and cross. ‘I was trying to have a relaxing satsuma in our living room like a normal person, and I dropped it. It rolled under the bloody sofa and I can’t reach it. I can’t leave it under there to rot forever.’ She pauses then looks up at me hopefully. ‘Can I?’
‘Definitely not,’ I say sternly. ‘Shall I help? I’ve got quite small arms.’
‘They’re small but they’re not spindly like we need,’ Alex says thoughtfully.
‘Oh cheers.’ I am miffed. ‘So I’m a fucking T-rex, am I? With my short little stumpy arms constantly clawing at you.’
She snorts and reaches for me from her place on the floor. ‘I love you clawing at me, T-rex. Do you fancy a quick claw now?’
‘No,’ I scold. ‘I have to go to work in a few minutes.’
Lou bounds in. ‘What we doin’?’ She doesn’t wait for an answer before throwing herself down on the carpet and staring under the sofa. ‘Looking for monsters?’
‘Satsuma monsters,’ I mutter but she seems undeterred.
‘I always check under my bed at night,’ she says, still straining to see in the darkness under there. ‘Because you never know. I wish I could meet someone nice to protect me from the under-bed monsters.’ She sighs dramatically. ‘It’s very annoying that you two are dating each other – usually I’d ask if your partners knew anyone they could set me up with.’
Alex laughs at the same time as I say, ‘We’re not dating, Lou! We’re friends with benefits.’ Her laugh stops short but she says nothing.
‘Whatever.’ Lou waves her hand at me. ‘It’s been, like, a year of you two banging and it’s killing my dating life. Don’t you knowanyoneyou might be able to set me up with?!’
I consider this. ‘Actually, there’s that guy I used to work with, Paul—’
‘Ooh, I remember him! Sexy name!’ Lou squeals.
‘I saw him for some drinks the other night and it was quite flirty.’ I think about it. ‘There was always a bit of something between us but I was seeing Carl when we met. I bet he has loads of hot mates. Shall I set up a double date drinks thing?’
