‘Oh Christ.’ I sit up and she falls off me. ‘I didn’t even check that stuff. I don’tthinkso, but you can’t tell just from looking at someone whether they share memes on Facebook.’ Lou giggles, then regards me more seriously.
‘Are you OK? You look a bit shattered.’
‘I am,’ I admit, the weight of tonight’s emotions hitting me all at once. Seeing someone I loved so much after all this time… it’s exhausting. ‘And it was all pointless anyway. He has a girlfriend and he didn’t propose oranything.’
Bibi shakes her head. ‘I can’t believe the rudeness.’
‘Right!’ I reply, outraged, then lie back down, resigned. ‘Oh well, onwards and upwards to the next ex.’
Lou looks thoughtful. ‘Esther,’ she begins slowly. ‘Do you really, really think this is going to be worth it? I mean, it didn’t work out with these guys the first time, why should it work this time?’
I consider her question carefully. After all, it’s not like the same thoughts haven’t crossed my mind. ‘But Iwantitmore now,’ I tell her earnestly. ‘I’m ready for something that I wasn’t ready for when I first knew Alistair, or Paul or Idris, or any of them. I don’t think I gave any of my relationships a fair crack actually. I was too quick to dismiss them at the first sign of trouble. I was too young. Not ready. I wanted to be single and I was immature about it.’ I pause. ‘Plus, it’s super romantic, isn’t it! Reuniting with a long-lost love! Think of the wedding speech. It’ll be soromantic! Like you and Sven have!’
‘Humph,’ Bibi grunts. ‘It’s all downhill after the first year.’
Louise looks affronted. ‘It’s not downhill!’ she cries. ‘If anything, it feels very much uphill!’
‘That’s not a good thing either,’ Bibi points out but Louise continues, oblivious.
‘Sven is so thoughtful and sweet,’ she beams at me. ‘He still leaves me love notes.’
‘I prefer fifty-pound notes,’ Bibi mutters dryly as Louise does a little happy dance, knocking over a lamp that lands with a harmless thump on the carpet. ‘Oops!’ She covers her mouth.
From the floor below, there is a loud bang.
‘Fuck off, Mr Heckles,’ Bibi half shouts.
‘Don’t call him that,’ Louise pouts. She’s close to her grandma, so she is extra respectful towards older people. Even dickhead older people. ‘His name is Ivan. Or Mr Walsh to you, rude people. And I don’t think he means it when he bangs the ceiling at us. I think he just wants to say hi.’
We live in the middle flat of an old, three-storey Victorianhouse in south-east London. The top floor is rented by a former dancer called Sofia who moved in about a year ago. She’s cool, we like Sofia. She gives us food and reminds us to pay our bills. And if it were just us and her in the building, it would be the dream! But the ground-floor flat below us is occupied by grumpy old Ivan. A name Louise only really knows because of nosing through his post. He bangs on his ceiling a lot, usually when I’m stomping or Louise is having boring sex. Bibi and I have long since given up trying to be friendly with him, but Lou is determined to win him over. She hates it when people don’t like her. It’s why she wants to act, I think. She wants the whole world’s love. She even made himbiscuitsthe other day, leaving them on his doorstep, and he’s still being a shit to us.
‘So anyway, are you going to continue to do the mission in relationship order?’ Bibi asks. She’s examining the Dickhead Tree. ‘Is it… Carl next?’
Louise and I look at each other and she makes a face.
‘Yes, hewouldbe next – I met him when I was just twenty-one,’ I hedge.
‘You sure you want to see him?’ Lou asks nicely and I take a deep breath.
‘Ummm…’ I think about this. ‘Yes, I am sure. But not yet. I know who I want to see next.’ I give them both a big smile. ‘My Harry.’
Louise looks mystified while Bibi grimaces. She re-examines the Dickhead Tree. ‘What? Who the fuck isHarry? He’s not on here.’
I sigh a little dreamily. ‘Paul. My friend, my former co-worker, my lost love. The Harry to my Sally.’ They exchange a look, so I add, ‘My Missed Chance!’
Bibi and Louise swap another glance but I don’t care. If Alistair isn’t The One, ithasto be Paul. Surely.
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘Duck!’ Everyone except Bibi simultaneously dives for the floor, as the entire café turns to look at our group. We’ve spent a week planning this, but it’s really not turning out to be the covert operation I’d hoped for.
‘OK, un-duck,’ I mutter, embarrassed as I sit back up in my seat. Louise emerges sheepishly from Bibi’s lap, her dark sunglasses now skew-whiff.
‘What the fuck are you all doing?’ Bibi asks, unfazed as she sips her tea.
‘I thought I saw him coming out,’ I admit and Bibi glances past me, out of the window, to look at our object of interest.
‘You mean that very elderly woman with no hair, who just left the restaurant?’ She regards me with amusement. ‘You thought that was Paul?’
