‘Well,’ I pout, ‘it has been five years, I wasn’t sure.’
‘IS IT SAFE TO COME OUT?’ Under our table, our upstairs neighbour, Sofia, is crouched on her haunches, clinging to one of the wooden legs.
‘Yes, Sofia, come on out. False alarm,’ Louise tells her gently, offering a hand that gets ignored. Sofia unfolds gracefully, smoothly retaking her seat, not a hair out of place.
‘So what now?’ She huddles in, conspiratorially.
Our upstairs neighbour has been permitted to join our mission this afternoon because – it turns out – she had all the equipment one might require for spying on one’s ex. Bibi asked her on a whim if she had any dark glasses handy, and she arrived on our doorstep as we were leaving, armed with binoculars, kid walkie-talkies and three super MI5-y trench coats. Louise was trying to get the loo to flush at the time so she missed out on the coats and toys – so she’s sulkily wearing a boring old bomber jacket and fiddling with a plastic cup on a string.
Anyway, Sofia’s proving to be the best spy among us – for a seventy-seven year old, she sure is spry.
‘Um’ – to be honest, I’m not sure what now – ‘I don’t really know. We wait?’
Bibi rolls her eyes. ‘Dude, why can’t you just text him?’
Louise leans in. ‘Yeah, why not?’ Her eagerness is obvious. ‘You didn’t leave on bad terms, did you? I’m sure he’d love to hear from you. He’s your Harry, Esther!’
‘What the hell is a Harry?’ I catch Sofia muttering but choose to ignore.
‘Ohh,’ I moan helplessly. ‘I know I could! I just want to get a good look at him first. Y’know, get some clues about his life now. We were so close all those years ago – our friendship was so intense – and then he started dating that woman,Celeste, and we started to drift…’
‘Are you nervous because of what happened with Alistair?’ Louise asks softly.
I look down at my feet. ‘Maybe.’ I take a deep breath. ‘I went in so hard with him.’ I hear the sulk in my voice. ‘And I really thought there was something between us! Until he casually mentions his girlfriend, ugh!’ I throw my hands in the air, almost knocking over Sofia’s cup of tea. ‘I just want to know what I’m getting into with Paul. I don’t want to get my hopes up. I liked him so much.’
Bibi looks amused. ‘Well, unless it’s take your partner to work day, you’re not going to be able to tell if he’s still dating Celeste by watching his place of business all afternoon.’
We collectively jump in our seats as the waitress appears from nowhere. ‘Would you ladies like anything else?’ She regards the four of us with amusement and I suddenly realize how absurd we must look. A group of grown women in sunglasses and trench coats – except pouty Louise – all hunkered down in a café watching a restaurant across the road.
‘No, we’re fine,’ Bibi says breezily as Louise adds a grateful, ‘Thanks ever so.’
‘On a stakeout, are we?’ The waitress is not leaving, and neither is her amused look.
‘Indeed we are!’ Sofia sounds thrilled. ‘We are trying to track down the great lost love of Esther here.’ She gestures at me and I redden further.
‘Oh,’ I bluster, ‘I don’t know if he’s agreat loveexactly…’
‘What?’ Sofia is outraged, the waitress extra amused. ‘Who is he then?’
‘He’s, um…’ I feel stupid. ‘He’s someone I was good friends with for years in my early twenties. We met when I was working in a kitchen—’
‘You were a chef?’ Sofia looks even more confused. ‘I thought you did parties for work?’
‘I was, yes’ – I frown atpartiesto describe my big-ass job – ‘and I loved it, but the hours are horrendous. You work for sometimes sixteen, seventeen hours a day… I couldn’t handle it in the end.’
The waitress shifts from one foot to another. She’s starting to look less amused, more bored.
‘Anyway,’ I move on quickly, ‘Paul and I worked together, he was one of the only people in that restaurant who was actually nice to me. We always had this brilliant, flirty friendship that never went anywhere, even though it was so obvious we were mad about each other. First I was dating someone, then he was. You know how it is. We lost touch a few years ago, but god I fancied him likemadback then. Every time we were together I wanted to kiss him.’
Sofia peers at me a bit crossly. She’s never looked more French. ‘If he is not a great love, what is it we are doing here?’
I stare at my hands. This had seemed like such a good idea at home. The first step of the many-point plan. A covert spying operation! We never should’ve brought Sofia along. She’s far too good at rooting out flaws in perfectly good strategies.
Louise jumps in. ‘It’s amission, Sofia!’ She glances at me reassuringly. ‘It’s to help Esther find The One. She’s retracingher boyfriend-steps. It’s the Seven Exes Mission. This guy was her Missed Chance – Paul.’
Sofia laughs. ‘I would not like to see all my exes, they are mostly awful.’ She pauses. ‘Or dead now.’ She looks directly at me. ‘But you had true feelings for thisPaulman,oui? And you think they could be rekindled?’
I shift uncomfortably in my chair and then look out the window again, across the road at the place he works these days, as a head chef.
