Page 59 of The Wonder of You
I answer him with a kiss. And then there’s no stopping us. He quickly edges out of his pants. My heart thuds as he pulls down my underwear and tosses them to the side of the room.
“Phoenix,” I cry out as he enters me gently. I need to say his name out loud to remember that this is him. I keep my eyes open as we kiss to remind myself, I am safe in his arms.
It’s okay to feel like this, I tell myself. I’ve had sex with Phoenix before, but this feels like the first time all over again. This new body of mine has never known his touch this way. I remind myself that other people probably feel like they’re experiencing something new with their long-term partner after being abused by someone else. It must feel scary to do it again, how can you act like that horror didn’t happen? They must suffer from some sort of flashbacks while it’s happening, eventhough they’re desperate to relax and enjoy themselves with someone they are safe with.
It doesn’t go away, not fully.
I am normal.
I am no different to anyone else with this horrible shared experience.
I am with Phoenix.
I am safe.
I am enjoying this, more than I ever thought I would.
He thrusts harder and I can see the passion in his eyes as he looks down at me. He gently cradles the back of my head as it arches up through my whimpers.
“I will never let anyone take you from me again. I’ll kill anyone who even tries it,” he says. He thrusts harder. “I won’t even hesitate.”
Oh lord, I think I’m going to die all over again.
His passion for me is such a turn on. I know other women may judge me for falling for his protectiveness, which some may call possessiveness, but damn, I don’t care. I want someone towantme, I want someone toneedme and I want that someone to be Phoenix.
Call me weak, but I’ll give myself to him over and over again.
“You’re mine, Renée. Tell me you know that.” He thrusts harder. “Tell me.”
I remember this is how things used to be, how we’d make love, but it would turn into fiery passion. No wonder I used to get him to put his hand over my mouth, but I’m too late in doing so. I let out a cry of pleasure.
“Tell me,” he whispers as a grin takes his face.
“I’m yours, Phoenix, I belong to you.” And with that, I am in heaven. I thrust upwards to make us work together, harder and faster. I grip his shoulders and grumble. I continue to keep my eyes open although they desperately want to shut and take in this moment, but I need to keep my focus on him, on his face. I need to stay in this present moment and not allow my mind to ruin it by transporting me to the past.
“Phoenix,” I cry out again. I repeat his name over and over. At first, it’s reassurement to myself and then it just becomes a thing I start doing as I can’t control the tingles shooting through my body. Eventually, we finish together and he drops on top of me. He buries his head in my hair. We’re both out of breath like we’ve run a marathon. I run my hand through his soft wavy hair and feel so fortunate to be back here with him. It’s beyond me that I am like this, but I am still so horny and I find myself nibbling on his earlobe like it’s some kind of treat.
“God, I love you, Phoenix,” I tell him as I kiss his cheek.
“I love you too. I’ll keep you safe now,” he reassures me again. With his words, the passion for a round two slowly burns out and instead, I just want to enjoy this moment in each other’s arms. My breathing hitches every now and then, I know it’s because Phoenix’s weight is on top of me still, but I don’t want him to move off. I want him to stay like this longer. I want to hold onto him and keep him out of harm’s way like he does for me. I don’t ever want to be apart again.
Chapter 43
I sit smirking to myself on the sofa after cleaning up with a shower and putting on some old clothes of mine that Phoenix still has. They are a little old school, but I do like them and fresh clothes is much needed. He hands me a coffee and I take a deep breath as I enjoy the smell of it. I appreciate the moment. I broke down a mental wall this morning by enjoying myself do something I never thought I would. Something I probably never would have done if it wasn’t for Phoenix.
“What does this mean for me now? Am I like I was before? Immortal?” It feels weird saying it, but it also feels right. The idea of witches or the devil doesn’t seem like folklore anymore, it feels like something I always knew was real anyway.
“Yes, I guess you never really died, you just disappeared and came back, and now you remember everything…”
“So, am I twenty-nine forever? I’ll never get old?” I’m not sure how I feel about this.
“Arabella said so yes. In terms of your exact age, I guess so. We can still celebrate your birthdays, I’m sure there are plenty of ways we can have fun.” He winks as he sips on his coffee and I feel myself blushing.
I am truly blessed, like a warm blanket of love has wrapped itself around me.
I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone.
Not even my own family. I loved my grandparents but I still felt like I should ask them for a hug. I stillworried they would ask me questions I didn’t want to answer.
