Page 58 of The Wonder of You
“You waited a hundred years for me?”
“And I’d wait a hundred more, but I am so glad I don’t have to. I’ve missed you so badly. I thought I’d implode from all the grief. I wanted it all to be over. I wanted to end it all so many times. But something told me you would be back. And I had to wait for you, no matter how hard it was.”
I rest my forehead on his.
“We have so much to catch up on, but right now, I just want to sleep beside you.”
I want to stare at his face longer. I want to ask questions, check Maudie is okay, reconnect with my old friends, but I haven’t slept peacefully for so long and something tells me that here with Phoenix, I’ll finally be able to rest.
We move towards the bed and I lay my head on his chest. I’ve never felt so comfortable, so safe. A part of me wants to break into tears again, but I am just too relieved and somewhat overwhelmed. Now is a time for happiness. I don’t really know what will happen next in my current life, but I don’t care, because now I am here,where I was always meant to be. That’s all I want to focus on.
Phoenix runs his fingers up and down my back and I think I can hear him sniffle. Perhaps he is getting emotional again, so I loop my arm around his waist and close my eyes. I know I don’t need to say anything to him, laying here together in silence is all the comfort we need.
I feel myself falling to sleep and one word runs through my mind.
Home.
Chapter 42
I open my eyes, seeing the sun beams attempting to make their way through the gaps in the curtains. I can’t believe I slept through the night without any dreams. I hear the soft snoring of Phoenix beside me. I didn’t know listening to snoring could be so relaxing. I could fall asleep all over again. Waking up beside him feels so safe, so… right. A part of me is still conflicted about past Renée and current Renée, but I remind myself that regardless of the magic of past lives, I am still both of those people. I am still the Renée who met Phoenix for the first ever time, who died at the hands of witches, who was somehow reborn, met new people and faced a trauma too brutal to focus on. There is no before and after, there is just now.
I run my hand over Phoenix’s bare chest, my fingers tracing circles on his skin. My hand stops at the top of his pants. The idea of sex still makes me nervous, but I have had sex with him before. I remember our first night together when I ran away from home. We fell asleep in each other’s arms just like we did last night. We were exhausted from all the moving and trying to get away as quickly as possible. It was about a week after that we made love.
Phoenix was my first time.
My first kiss.
My first love.
My first everything.
“Morning,” he says gently. I look up at him and smile.
“Sorry,” I giggle as I move my hand away from his pants.
“I’m all yours, you know that.” He smiles as he rubs his hand up and down my arm.
I sit up and place myself on top of him, my legs either side of his stomach. Phoenix’s hands grab my waist and he looks up at me with a sparkle in his eyes. It reassures me that this is what I want to do.
I am not tainted by my past. I am not some used and abused mess who cannot find happiness, who cannot enjoy the simple pleasures in life with someone she loves. My childhood was robbed from me, but my future doesn’t have to be.
No, it won’t be.
I kiss Phoenix’s waistline, just above the top of his pants. I hear him catch his breath which alights a small, but passionate fire inside of me. I move up, kissing his chest, his neck. I’m turned on in a way I haven’t ever been in this lifetime. I remember there was once nothing I loved more than this alone time with Phoenix, where we could share each other and become one. Confidence surges through me as I grab his face and start kissing him. Phoenix holds onto me tightly and I don’t retreat as I feel his tongue in my mouth. He rolls me over onto my back and lifts my top above my head. I feel my breathing stagger, but I don’t stop him. I’ve missed this, I’ve missed him.
It's him.
Everything is him.
No one else.
This is Phoenix, I remind myself as his tongue slides over my breast, his lips capturing my nipple and making me moan. He knows just what to do and how to make me feel comfortable. He takes it slow, moving upward to kiss my neck. He hovers over me, looking down at my face.
“You are beautiful, every part of you, and as much as I want to devour you right now, we can wait.”
“We’ve waited long enough, Phoenix. You can’t tell me you want to devour me and then stop,” I chuckle. His eyes light up.
“Are you sure?”
