Something tells me that it isn’t going to be easy either way and I’m going to be tempted to do a lot more. It’s like nothing else matters, a longing building within me that needs her.
Needs more.
I don’t know why I’m feeling like this but I’m almost certain that this is the way that it has to go. A part of me wishes that it would be easier, but I have this hard feeling on the inside that it won’t be.
Either way, this is the way that it has to go before it is too late.
It makes me wonder what more I’m going to be able to do about it.
“Mikhail is the best cook.” Alexi tells her, of course wanting to boast about me, “he is perfect husband material if you ask me. He’s quite loyal as well.”
Jabbing him in the ribs, I do notice how she giggles a little bit at his words but doesn’t say anything else. I don’t know how she is just listening to him, but I have to thank her for it.
Without her, I’m almost certain that Alexi would be a person that would be sad and depressed if she didn’t walk into our lives.
I can’t let her go.
I can see why Alexi liked her in the first place.
FIVE
Rory Hemmingway
I’m feeling nervous.
I know that Jacob is not happy with me going to dinner with two men that I just met but I can’t bring myself to care. I keep thinking that there’s only some way to do it.
I told him that it wasn’t like that because there’s no reason that I should even have to worry about it. I keep trying to tell him that nothing is going to happen, but I’d like to think that there’s more to it.
Something tells me that it isn’t going to be easy.
One way or the other, I’m just doing what I want and I’m not going to let anything else stand in my way. I’m scared because it is certain to me that I have no idea why they want me.
I’d like to think that one way or the other, I’m going to get to decide, and I keep thinking that this is what I’m going to do. Another part of me is wondering what’ll happen but another part of me is terrified.
I guess either way, I’m doing this one way or another and I’m just doing whatever I can. I think that with everything going on right now, I’m not going to be able to let go.
I just wish that I could figure it out before it is too late.
“So, what do you guys do for a living?” I ask them sweetly, nervously gnawing on my bottom lip, “you seem like you do a lot of tough work.”
It mainly has to do with the look of their skin, how they are covered in scars, and it looks like they have been fighting something. It’s kind of nerve-wracking because I know that I could be judging them without knowing.
I’d like to figure it out, but it is certain to me that this is what I’m longing for.
I guess this is what I’m tempted for and it’s clear to me that this is where I’m going to go with.
I just hope that I’m not going to be the one to let go.
If I let it go any other way, I’m not sure what’ll come from it, but it is clear to me that this is what I’m going to enjoy. It’s a scary feeling, that much I already know and I’m wishing that I could do something else.
Do they feel the same way?
“We were both in the army for about five years.” Mikhail tells me, surprising me a little bit because it wasn’t something that I expected, “and it was a little rough. We did leave eventually because we didn’t want to do it forever.”
“Well, it’s good that you did that.” I corrected him, “you two were very brave for doing so because this is a scary world and I’m not sure what might come from it but it’s clear to me that you’re doing this either way.”
Another part of me is feeling weird, my stomach churning a little bit as I’m trying to ask myself what I’m going to do about it. With everything that has happened between us, it’s more certain to me that they might not have heard that.
