Page 8 of Virgin's New Flavors of Lust
Can I really open up my heart to this woman?
Can I give her everything?
Is this the way that I want things to go or am I just a hopeless romantic as well?
It’s very clear to me that either way, this is what I’m going to have to do, and it might as well happen one way or the other. I have been trying to decide what I’m longing for and if it is worth it.
I know that I shouldn’t be like that but after many heartbreaks, I’m almost certain that it’ll be a mess if I give myself over to her.
If not, I’m sure that it would get ugly and then I’d really end up hating everything.
I’d like to figure it out but I’m not certain yet what’ll happen. I’m terrified of the notion that this is going to go one way or the other and I’m not going to be able to handle it.
Another thing, I’m more terrified of what will end up coming from it as well.
Something tells me that it isn’t easy either.
I guess that this is one way or another, I’ll have to figure it out.
“Stop thinking stupid thoughts!” Alexi smacks me on the back of my head, making me jerk up and glare at him, “I know that you’re hesitant about what is going to happen, but I can assure you that I won’t allow anything bad to happen.”
I believe him.
I’d like to think that no matter what, Alexi has always been the one who thought optimistically no matter what he was going through, and I have to be grateful for it. I wish that I could do a lot more about it and be like him but it’s not easy.
Not when the world feels like it is against you.
I guess I keep trying to decide what more that I’m going to be able to do with it.
I wish that I could figure it out though but I’m certain that it’ll blow up in my face.
That is a promise.
It’s not going to be easy, but I am almost certain that there is only one way that this is going to be able to happen. I hate it because I hate that I’m so questionable about what is happening between us.
No matter what I decide, I’m doing this for the good of our relationship and I’m not going to let anything stand between us.
Not now, not ever.
I’d like to think that this is just what I want to do and hope for the best.
At least that is what I’m hoping for.
Pleasant for me, right?
Either way, I don’t care but I’m just taking it one step at a time.
Before I can think about any more thoughts, the doorbell goes off and I know she is here. I’m making my way towards the door, and I open it, feeling like the breath is getting sucked out of me.
She is wearing a beautiful sundress that fits her perfectly, making me tempted to do a lot more and I have no clue what I’m going to do about it. It’s clear to me that she is a little excited about this.
“Glad to see you.” Alexi pops up behind me, making me want to roll my eyes because of course he is going to be acting like, “come on in, we have been waiting for you.”
I’m not certain what is going through his head right now and I’m almost certain that this is the only thing that I’m going to be able to do. A part of me wishes that I could be upbeat as well but I’m almost certain that there’s nothing more that I can do about it.
She peeks up at us nervously but smiles, “thanks, I’m glad to be here. I hope you’re making something delicious because I’m hungry.”
The smile on her face is enough to do something to me, making me long for a lot more but I haven’t ever felt like this before. The need brews deep inside of me, tempting me to do a lot more and not letting anything else come from it.
