Page 7 of Virgin's New Flavors of Lust
I just keep trying to decide which direction to go before it is too late.
If I open myself up like this, I have no clue what’ll happen, but I do know that I won’t be able to stop.
Not now, not ever.
That is a promise that I intend to keep.
FOUR
Mikhail Hale
“Get that smile off of your face!” I snap at Alexi, seeing him with that shit-eating grin that makes my stomach churn, “I didn’t agree to this because of you. She’s just… Different.”
He still looks smug, giving me a look, “I wouldn’t be worrying about it too much, Mikhail. Just tell me that I’m right and not worry about a damn thing. You know I hate it when you’re being an ass about things.”
“Well, I’m not going to tell you that you’re right.” I clarify to him, wondering where he is going to want this to go, “if I’m being honest, I think that you should just let it go and back off.”
Of course, he isn’t going to do anything like that because he doesn’t want to. No matter what would come from it, he just does things his own way and it doesn’t matter either. I wish that I could figure it out but it’s another feeling.
It’s like he is just doing whatever he wants and expecting it to be okay.
He doesn’t know the truth about where this is going to go.
How it might affect me.
How it could end up blowing up in my face and I wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing about it.
That terrifying notion is like nothing else that I could have dreamed about, and I do know that I’m hating every part of it. With everything building inside of me, I just keep trying to decide if I want her.
How can I open up to someone that I don’t know?
I don’t trust the feelings burning inside of me that is dragging me closer to her.
I can’t always be certain that it is going to go the right way or if it is going to get ugly.
I’m almost certain that it would end up being too much for me to handle.
If anything, it might just be so much more and then it would really be a mess.
It just makes me wonder what more can come from it before it is too late.
“I know you’re thinking about her.” He teases me, a smirk on his face that grinds at my nerves, “you can admit it. I’m not going to be upset if you do. I know that I’m right about this.”
I don’t know if he is right but I’m certain that there’s absolutely no way that I want to do this.
“I don’t know why you’re talking like this.” I correct him, finishing cooking before she gets here, “because you have been ‘right’ before and it ended up being a shitshow. Must I remind you.”
He flinches, knowing precisely what I was talking about, “yeah, I guess that I should have known you would say that. I’m right about her though. I know it.”
I can tell that he isn’t going to back down about this.
I don’t care what he thinks, I’m just doing this for myself and not trying to worry about a thing.
I’m more than a little surprised with him because he thinks that no matter what, we’re going to meet our one true love, but Idon’t believe in fate. I think that when it is going to happen, then it’ll happen.
I’m almost completely certain that there’s not going to be much that I can do about it.
I wish that there was a lot more for me to decide but I’m the more logical thinker. If I end up doing this a completely different way, then I’m more than certain that this’ll get ugly. If it ends up happening, I keep trying to decide what I’ll do.
