Adam got back up onto his knees and finished John's bath, then dried him off, got him dressed, and made him drink a glass of water before they sat down on the couch to watch a movie. He fielded calls and text messages the rest of the weekend, ensuring their friends that everything was fine. That John was resting and recovering. That, yes, the surgery was still happening, so long as John looked strong enough come Monday morning.
Throughout it all, Adam felt something nagging at the back of his mind, but whatever it was, it refused to take clear shape. Adam had to keep pushing the feeling aside, focusing on John. Even he had to admit that, by the time Sunday evening arrived and they made final preparations for Adam's own recovery, Johnlooked almost back to normal. Other than the bandages on his arms and the deeply thoughtful look on his face, John really did seem okay.
Then, suddenly, it was Monday morning, and Adam came instantly awake, feeling somehow both calm and nervous all at the same time.
John was already up, padding quietly into the bedroom with a mug of coffee in his hands. “Hey. I was just coming to wake you.” He set his mug on the nightstand and perched on the edge of the bed, running his fingers through Adam's hair. “How are you feeling?”
Adam thought about it, trying to form a cohesive idea through the nagging voice still there in the back of his head. “Weirdly calm,” he admitted. “And nervous. And excited.” He paused. “And, damn it, that coffee smells so good and I can't have any!”
John chuckled, but it broke off quickly. “I'll go dump it out–”
“No!” Adam gasped. He sat up and pressed a hand to John's chest. “No. You're going to drink your coffee and do your normal routine and whatever else you need–”
John grabbed his hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “Breathe,” he ordered. “I'm okay.” He kissed Adam's knuckles. “I'm right here.” He let go of Adam's hand, then patted him on the hip. “Now get up and get dressed.”
The rest of the morning went by in a blur. Adam was only dimly aware of putting on his own pajama shorts and one of John's button-front flannel shirts. He didn't even realize, until after the shirt was on, that he hadn't put on a binder first. Adam paused there, waiting for the icky feeling to settle in, but it never did. Maybe his nerves were too strong, overpowering everything else.
Besides, in a few hours, he'd never need a binder again, anyway.
Then they were in Adam's car, John in the driver's seat and Adam staring out the window as they drove down to the surgery center. Before Adam knew it, he was checked in, changed into a hospital gown and compression socks, and sitting on a gurney while the doctor drew lines on his chest.
Adam stared resolutely at the ceiling, trying to stay calm. This would be the last time anyone would see his naked chest like this. In a few hours, his body would be the way it was supposed to be.
“That should do it,” the doctor said, capping his marker. “I'm going to go scrub in, and the nurses will be along shortly to get you.”
Adam nodded mutely, feeling his heart start to race in anticipation.
It felt like he no sooner blinked than the doctor was gone and John was by his side instead, holding his hand, telling him everything was going to be okay. Then Adam was on his back, surrounded by nurses, being wheeled away while John watched, giving him an encouraging smile.
Adam's chest heaved as that nagging thought in the back of his mind finally took crystal-clear shape.
“Wait!” he gasped. The gurney stopped just as John had begun to turn away to head for the waiting room. Adam swallowed hard, his heart racing wildly inside his chest.Oh fuck. Was he really doing this?
But he knew he had to. Just in case he never got the chance again.
“Daddy?”
John froze.
Adam's heart beat out of control as he watched John slowly turn back to look at him. The man's eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted. He stared at Adam with the strangest mix of alarm and gratitude, of fear and relief.
“I love you,” Adam added, then he gave a nod without looking away from John's face. He squeezed his eyes shut as the gurney began to move again.
Just in case he didn't make it, he wanted John's face to be the last thing he ever saw.
Chapter 25
_________
JOHN
JOHN SHUFFLED off to the waiting room in a daze.Holy shit. His chest heaved and his heart was beating too fast.
Adam had said it. He'd actually said it.
John felt a stinging sensation at the back of his eyes. He swiped a hand across his face, holding back the urge to cry. Johnnevercried.
Except he was so overwhelmed that he thought he might not be able to stop himself this time.
