Adam started to head towards his own apartment, then changed his mind and veered away from downtown, deciding to take them to John's place instead. John made no comment, but when Adam snuck a glance at him, he saw a look of relief on the man's face.Okay. Good. Right decision. John would be more comfortable at home. In his own bed.
They reached John's house, and Adam used a spare garage door opener that John had given him. John so rarely used the front door that going in this way had become habit, even when Adam had to park in the driveway because John's truck was in the garage. This time, Adam pulled right in and shut off his car, rushing to get out so he could help John up from the passenger seat.
John didn't argue or try to fight him in any way. He passively let Adam haul him to his feet, put an arm around him, and guide him into the house.
They stopped just inside the door, and Adam dropped down to a crouch to help John out of his boots. Adam toed off his own shoes, made sure both pairs were settled neatly on the rack, then slipped his arm around John's waist again and led him to the bathroom.
John continued silent as Adam undressed him, being careful of the bandages on his arms. Adam dumped John's clothes into the hamper, started the tub filling with warm water, and helped steady John as the man stepped into the tub.
Adam ran to the kitchen to get a cup, having flashbacks to being a little kid and his dad giving him a bath. There had been an old, plastic tumbler in some god-awful shade of orange that always sat on the edge of the tub, and Adam remembered Dad cradling his head with one hand while using that cup to rinse out his hair.
Despite all the tension and worry crawling through his veins, Adam couldn't help laughing at the memory as he snatched down a water glass and raced back to the bathroom.
John gave him a curious look but still didn't say anything.
Adam waved the glass before he set it carefully aside. “Just thinking about my dad.” Adam dipped a hand into the water, checking the temperature, then reached out to adjust the valves,cooling it down a bit. He wanted John to be comfortable but not get overheated after what happened last night.
John's mouth quirked up in a smile, but it was bittersweet, happiness and sadness both vying for dominance in the expression. “I love that you can laugh when you think about him now.”
Adam felt a grin take over his face even though he was trying to stay serious and focused. “Yeah. Me, too,” he admitted.
After shutting off the water before the tub got too full, Adam picked up the cup, filled it, and poured it back over John's head. Adam took his time washing John all over, being gentle and thorough. A bittersweet ache filled his chest. Adam realized this was the first time he and John had gotten to truly share any kind of bathing experience, yet it was nothing like he'd imagined. It was entirely clinical and unromantic. Not even remotely erotic. For the first time, seeing John naked, all Adam could think about was how fragile and precious John actually was despite always seeming so strong and in control.
Adam shuddered and tried to push the thoughts aside, focusing on his work.
He had to be extra careful with the man's arms, steering clear of the bandages. Adam had a whole set of instructions from the doctor about replacing the bandages at intervals and monitoring John's healing, and he intended to follow them to the letter.
“Shit,” Adam whispered. He wouldn't be able to do all that while he was recovering from surgery. He'd either be sleeping or doped up on pain killers, too fuzzy to focus on taking care of John. “You know what? I'm gonna cancel the surgery. I'll push it back to–”
John practically launched himself halfway out of the tub, grabbing Adam by the shoulders. “Don't you dare.”
“But–”
“You will not cancel your surgery. Do you hear me? You've been putting off your own needs for so long, I won't let you put it off again.”
“But I need to take care of you–”
“I'mfine,” John insisted.
“You ran into a fire, John!” Adam snapped back at him. He winced, hating himself for yelling at the man when John was recovering, but the words wouldn't stop coming. “You put yourself in danger and I thought I was going to lose you and I knew I couldn't go through all that again, and for what? For some fuckinggrapes? I mean, I know what your job means to you and I'd hate for Everett to lose part of his business, but still–”
“Because ofyou,” John interrupted him, then let out a heavy sigh, like he'd been holding something in and was finally able to cast it out of him. He took a slow, deep breath, and sank back in the tub, draping his arms over the edges and laying his head back.
Adam stared at him. “Me?”
John nodded. “Those weren't just grapes. That was my favorite part of the property. Always had been, ever since I started working there. The first time I saw that section of the vineyard, you popped right into my head. I'm not even sure why. But I found myself standing there, gazing at that view, thinking about you, wishing I could show you this beautiful place. So from then on, that was where I went to think of you. To remember sitting with you in my living room as we wrote songs together. To remember your smile. Your voice. Those grapeswereyou. Even having you like this,” John went on, waving a hand at him, “I couldn't let them go.”
Adam's chest tightened, hearing the pain and passion in John's words. “Oh.”
“I saw those vines catch fire,” John continued, “and it felt like you were the one in danger somehow. Watching them burn, it felt like losing a piece of you. Or a piece of my sanity.” John stopped and shook his head, muttering a curse under his breath. He sat forward again and grabbed Adam by the shoulders. “Don't let my stupidity get in the way of what you want. You're right. I shouldn't have thrown myself into that fire. And I'm so sorry I made you worry. But this isn't the same, okay?” John went on, and somehow, Adam knew right away that the man was referring to his dad. “This isn't your fault. Of course, that wasn't either,” he quickly added, “but this wasmyfault. Mine. Because I couldn't let go. But I'm here, baby. I'm here, and I'm going to be fine. And you are getting your surgery in two days, and that's final.”
Adam let out a shuddering exhale and sank to his backside next to the tub.
“Adam?” John asked, his eyes full of worry.
“I'm okay,” Adam said, shaking his head. He breathed a laugh and wiped at his eyes. “Just hearing that tone of voice again. Fuck. I didn't realize how much I needed that.”
John gave him a genuine smile that time.
