“Uh, it was good.” It was the first birthday in ten years that I had spent without Luke. It’s safe to say that I wasn’t the greatest company, but Tori was so understanding. I felt bad that she had gone to so much trouble booking a spa weekend, and yet I was a blubbering mess for most of the time that we were there. “Listen, Luke, I need to tell you something and we keep going off track here.”
“Right, sorry. What’s up?” he asks, trying to make it sound casual, but I can see the tension return to his shoulders.
“Well, um… I found something out a couple of days ago, and it is something that involves you.” Luke looks worried by my words, but I am positive that he would never guess in a million years what I am about to tell him. I take a few deep breaths as my heart starts to beat wildly. I never thought that I would be telling him this news in this way. I had always imagined that I would be telling him with us being a couple.
“Char, what is it?” Luke asks, urgency lacing his tone. As I look into his eyes, I feel a gut-wrenching pain. A pain that goes deep within, penetrating my heart and causing it to shatter even more than it has done already. Any progress that I have made in the last few weeks of not being with him is being blown to smithereens. “Charlie?”
“Sorry,” I say, feeling a little bit stupid that I am making such a big deal of telling him. I mean, it is a big deal, but I can see the worry etched on his face at my struggle to form the two words that will reveal my own secret.
Just tell him.
He needs to know.
He has a right to know.
Get it over with.
Quick and painless.
I open my mouth before I can talk myself out of it, and I make myself say it.
“I’m pregnant.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
The words hang in the air between us. Time seems to stand still as I watch Luke process the words I spoke only seconds ago. His mouth opens and closes a few times. I decide that I should be the one to say more, seeing as I am the one who has dropped this bombshell, even if he is half of the reason why there is a bombshell to drop in the first place.
“I thought that you had a right to know. But I understand that things have been tense between us, so I don’t want to put you under any pressure. You can be as involved as you like.” I feel that this might cushion the shock a little. I don’t want him to be involved if he doesn’t want to be.
“Are you kidding me?” he says, looking more shocked at the fact that I have just told him that I basically don’t expect anything from him. “This is awesome news.” Luke stands up and comes over to me. Before I can say or do anything, he has knelt in front of me and pulled me into a gentle hug. His arms wrap around me, and I freeze for a second. Something that used to be so natural, now has me fighting against the familiarity of it. A simple hug has my heart rate spiking, but I am unsure if it is due to excitement, fear or shock. The answer always used to be excitement, but so much has happened between us that other feelings have crept in. Luke’s arms used to make me feel safe. I hate that we let that feeling be compromised.
“Um, I take it that you’re pleased?” I ask, even though I have no reason to. His reaction is proof enough that he is happy with this news. Luke releases me and leans back to look at me.
“Pleased? I’m more than pleased, Char.” His face breaks into a ridiculously big grin and I feel myself thaw, slightly. “Oh my God. I’m going to be a dad…”
“Yes, Luke. You are going to be a dad.”
“Holy shit.”
“I know. It’s pretty life changing news.”
“But it’s the best life changing news.” He looks deep into my eyes, and I know that he is speaking the truth. It is at this point that I let tears fall down my cheeks. All at once, I feel relief and happiness that he has taken this news so well. There is an element of worry there, but I try not to let that ruin this moment between us. His hand reaches up and caresses my cheek. The gesture is so simple and gentle, and it allows me a glimpse at the man that I loved. Or I should say the man that I still love. The man that is going to be a father to our baby. The man who infiltrated my heart, and the man who infiltrated it so much that he will always have a place there.
“Sorry,” I say as I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my top. He pulls his hand away and places it on my knee. “I was so worried about telling you.”
“Why?”
“Because I left. I left you and then I wouldn’t speak to you.” The words come out as a whisper.
“We don’t need to talk about that,” Luke says, halting me. “All that matters now is you and the baby.” This makes me cry even harder. I would have understood if he had just said ‘the baby,’ but he didn’t. He is still thinking about me, even after I walked out on him. I know that I had good reason to, but I still feel like shit for doing it. “We can talk about what happened one day, if you want to. But for tonight, can we just enjoy the next chapter in our lives?” His words leave me breathless. All I can do is nod at him. Words fail me. He smiles and stands up. “I’m going to get a beer. Lemonade for you?”
“Please.”
As Luke leaves the room, I pull a tissue out of my handbag, and I dry my tears. I couldn’t have asked for a better reaction from him. Luke has always wanted to be a dad. We had discussed becoming parents on several occasions, but of course, we were always a couple in those discussions. I have no idea what we are going to do now. Luke comes back into the lounge and hands me my drink. I thank him and then he resumes his place on the sofa.
“So, what happens now?” he asks me.
“How do you mean?”
