Page 10 of Loss
That’s not what I want though. I want a man who knows what it means to protect his woman. A man who can slay any demons coming at me. And a man who knows what he wants. I want someone who’s loyal, can remain faithful, and would never raise their hand to me in anger. The men in the Phantom Bastards are some of the most amazing men I’ve ever met in my life. When I told Slim that even my parents would approve of them if they were still alive, Slim just ignored me like he does when I talk to him about something he doesn’t want to deal with. Mainly anything to do with boys and me. To Slim, I’m not almost an adult, I’m just a little girl who’s scared of her shadow and still needs to be protected from the world around me.
I know the club isn’t always on the right side of the law and things happen with rivals. At the end of the day, they’d be there for me and anyone else associated with the club. They’ve proven it more than once since I’ve been here. What really sinks in my mind though is how they rescued me when they didn’t have to, and how they took me from men who wanted to rape and hurt me just because they thought they could. These men have a moral compass that most others wouldn’t agree with, but who have shown me nothing but love and respect since I’ve been with them.
“Annabell, we’re headin’ out,” Slim says as I come out of my room with a book in hand as I normally do.
“Okay. Have fun,” I tell him, walking downstairs with a smile on my face as I watch them get ready to head out.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come over for something to eat?” Shy asks guilt on her face at the thought of leaving me here alone again.
“No. I’m good. I’ll get something simple here,” I respond, stopping to help them with the door so it’s one less thing they have to juggle.
“Okay. If you want, I can make you a plate and have Hunter bring it over when he brings the girls back home,” Shy tells me, hope in her voice at the thought of me eating something more than a sandwich or some simple meal I can cook.
“That sounds good. Thank you, Shy,” I tell her, offering her a small smile.
I know they’re both worried about me and the situation with Vault. They don’t have to worry though. I’m trying not to think about it or him and it’s honestly easier than I thought it would be. Even if it’s because of the horrible way he’s treated me. That’s the only push I needed in order to start getting over him. All they see is me throwing myself into my schoolwork and withdrawing from the club and them. In a way, I suppose I am. Vault belongs in their world—he’s part of the club. I’m just an intruder for a little while until I leave for college. I’m not going to come between them when they’re family. Yes, rationally, I know I’m family, but Vault will be here long after I leave and I’m not going to make him uncomfortable in his own home.
Vault used to sit on the porch with me and tell me stories about growing up in the club. About how Valor and he used to raise hell and get in trouble by Slim and Hound. They were the only two men who ever gave a shit about the boys and now, they just have Slim. I know he’s laid into Vault about his recent behavior. It’s also why he’s banned him from leaving the clubhouse the last few weeks. He’s worried about him and doesn’t know how to help him. No one does. All Slim can see is Vault splattered across the road and getting that call no one wants to receive in the middle of the night because he's out riding when he’s too drunk to be on his bike. The only way he could prevent that from happening is to ground Vault and make sure he doesn’t have his keys. Yes, Slim did take his keys from him and has them locked in his office. It was the right decision to make.
I’m sitting on the porch, reading a book, and listening to the music from the clubhouse when one of the SUVs pulls up. I know it’s Hunter with the girls. So, I set my book down and make my way down the steps to help him get them out. I’ll be putting them down for bed soon, but until then, I’m going to play with them and give them their baths. I love spending time with the girls and making them the center of my world for a little while. They’re so innocent, pure, and enjoy the simple things because they’re so young. No one’s robbed them of their innocence the way that’s been done to me. I hope they never have to deal with the darkness of life like I have. Yes, I know there’s darkness that’s already surrounded them, but they’ll be older when they find out and will know how to cope with it better than I did.
“How are you, Hunter?” I ask as he lifts Kinsliegh from the car seat she’s in.
“I’m good. How about you? Haven’t seen you around lately,” he asks, a blush covering his face as I look over at him.
“I’m okay. Just studying and doing school things. I won’t be going to the clubhouse anymore. It’s too much to be over there these days,” I tell him honestly since he was there that day.
“Vault?” he asks as if he’s the reason for everything horrible happening based on the anger filling his voice.
I nod my head and realize he’s been paying more attention than a lot of people give him credit for.
“Yeah, but I’ll be okay. I just need some distance. And until I graduate in a few months, this is the way I can get that,” I answer, not looking in his direction.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been told he’s not normally like this. I know a loss like this is devastatin’, but what he’s doin’ ain’t right either,” Hunter tells me as we walk in the house with the girls.
“He was great when I first got here. Now, I’m just another victim on his path of self-destruction,” I say, setting Rayven’s car seat down on the floor in the living room after taking it from Hunter.
“Oh, let me get your dinner. Shy made sure a plate was made for you before the guys got to dig in,” Hunter says, laughter filling his voice before he runs back out to the SUV so he can grab whatever else is in there.
I get Rayven out of her car seat and place her in the swing in the living room for her. She’s getting so big already and I want to eat quick before I give them baths and play with them for a while before bed. It’s what I usually do when I have the girls at night. We have our own routine and I’m going to miss it when I leave here, but they’ll adjust to me being gone and so will I. It’s just going to take time to adjust to all the changes that will take place in the next few months.
“Here you go, Annabell,” Hunter says, handing me the tin foil covered plate.
“Thank you, Hunter,” I tell him, taking the plate with a smile in his direction. “I’m sure you have to get back to the clubhouse. Have fun tonight.”
“I’m not goin’ back. I’m here for the rest of the night. Slim didn’t want you alone once the girls were here. He probably would’ve sent someone over sooner, but we were dealin’ with somethin’,” Hunter says evasively and I have a feeling it was something involving Vault and his drunken bullshit.
“Oh. Well, I’m okay here on my own. Don’t want you left out of the night’s festivities,” I tell him unsure if Hunter has ever been with the house bunnies.
“Yeah, I’m good. I don’t fuck with the house bunnies. Even if I were more than a Prospect, I still wouldn’t. I’m not really into sloppy seconds,” he tells me as if he’s reading my mind.
“Oh, well, you’re more than welcome to hang out in here if you want. I’m just gonna eat before I give them a bath. Then I’ll play with the girls for a while before I put them to bed.”
“I’ll be on the porch. If Slim finds me in here with you, he’ll kill me. You know how it is,” Hunter says, the truth about my dad hanging between us.
I nod my head in understanding as he walks back outside. I’ll go join him later on. I’m not going to leave him on the porch alone all night. We can talk and hang out until I’m ready for bed. There’s no point in him sitting outside all alone when I like sitting out there too. Plus, Hunter is easy to hang out with. When I don’t feel like talking, he has no problem sitting in silence with me. If I want to talk, he listens to the words I’m not saying and gives me advice about what’s on my mind that day. Hunter has become a sounding board for me and it means a lot that he takes time out of his day every once in a while to hang out with me.
So, for the next few hours, I spend my time with Kinsliegh and Rayven. They are such good little girls. We spend an hour just at bath time so they can splash and play in the water. Rayven loves her water time and I always let her have extra time so she can work some of her energy out and get ready for bed. The bathroom doesn’t really like it because I end up having to wipe down everything, but that’s okay. As long as it puts a smile on their faces and they have fun, I’ll spend hours cleaning the bathroom from the mess that’s been made. Yeah, I might splash the water right along with them.
