Page 39 of Abigail's King
Chapter Seventeen
Abigail
Iwas sitting in my bedroom still thinking about Kye. I couldn’t believe that I had finally kissed him. It was an unforgettable experience. I had been on cloud nine all the time he held me. It was what I had always wanted. I could remember all the feelings coursing through my body as my heart raced. Excitement, joy, love, longing, and ecstasy.
That quickly changed to heartbreak, pain, and rejection when we broke apart. Why did he immediately have to shut me out again? I could see the regret in his eyes as soon as he pulled away from me. The thing was, it had been him to initiate the kiss. I had been so shocked that I remembered gasping before he took over and kissed me exactly the way I had always imagined it to be.
I needed to break down his walls again. No, I needed to completely destroy them so he couldn’t build them back up. But how?
When he had dropped me off at the house and said he was going to check on Mateus and see if he had found out any information, I knew he was using it as an excuse for some space. I’d managed to hold back the tears as he walked off, but I didn’t blame him. I had needed some space myself or I would have done something very stupid there and then. When he broke our kiss, I held back from saying the words I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I had done so since the first moment I saw him. I knew love at first sight was cliché, and I thought it only really happened in romance novels, but it did exist. I knew that now because I was feeling it. I had been seconds away from saying it until I saw the regret Kye was feeling. I couldn’t say that to him now. He would probably just throw me aside if I did. If only he could believe that there was a chance for him to have love and it had been standing right in front of him.
I could feel the pain growing in my chest. My hurt finally took over my body, and the tears started to fall. How could I be in love with a man who couldn’t accept love? I had tried so hard to tell and show him how I felt. Everyone else could see it, so why couldn’t he? Why couldn’t he just try to forget the past and see where our relationship led? Yes, it was possible we might grow apart in the future, but until that moment, we could both have the companionship and love that we both needed – no, craved. He’d admitted to Mateus that he loved me, so why couldn’t he say it to me?
As we had already eaten earlier this evening, I decided that I would give Kye some space tonight, so I headed into my bathroom to grab a shower. I hoped that it would allow me to clear my head, and if it didn’t, I would just head out later and go and speak to Mateus. He would know what I needed to do, or just tell me if it was a lost cause and I should move on. Not that I believed I could. I would always be in love with Kye, and no one would ever replace him in my heart, no matter what happened between us and in the future.
I turned on the shower, undressed, and stepped inside. I allowed the hot water to cascade over my body and tried to get the thoughts of Kye out of my mind. The problem was, the more I tried, the more he was all I could think about. I thought of how he had held me and pulled me towards him and pressed his lips against mine. I wanted to feel those lips across my whole body. I wanted to feel his hands caressing my skin. No matter how hard I attempted, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I decided I wasn’t going to relax in here, so I turned off the shower and decided to put my swimming costume on and head into the hot tub. If I was lucky, Kye would be in there too. He wouldn’t be able to escape me then. I wrapped myself in a towel, grabbed a robe, and headed back into my bedroom.
After putting on my swimming costume, I headed outside to the balcony and started up the hot tub. Whilst waiting for it to warm, I stood looking out at the ocean in front of me. The sun was just starting to set and the darkness of night was descending all around. Seeing a lone figure on the beach, I looked to find that it was Kye.
I knew he wanted this time alone as much as I did, but thinking about him sitting there made my heart sink. Neither of us needed to be alone. We could have been talking through this together, but Kye wouldn’t talk. Against my better judgement, I decided to leave him be, knowing that if I went down there, it would only cause more walls to be built to keep me out. I stepped into the hot tub with my back to the beach. I didn’t want him to think I had been watching him if he saw me up here. As I relaxed in the tub, I allowed the warm bubbles to wash away the worry of the day hoping that it would allow me to sleep.
The sun had completely set and the moon was starting to rise above me when the temperature dropped enough for me to decide to get out of the hot tub. I climbed out, grabbed the robe, and wrapped it around myself. I gazed down onto the beach to where Kye had been sitting. It was dark, but there was just enough light from the moon to confirm that he was no longer sitting there. I walked past his room, noticing no lights were on, and headed into my bedroom to get ready for bed.
I checked the time on my phone and realised that it was nearly nine o’clock. I must have been out in the hot tub for over an hour. From the looks of my skin, I realised just how wrinkled it was, confirming the time I had spent outside. I noticed a message on my phone and opened it to find it was from Bianca confirming the details of my upcoming photoshoot. She wished me well and looked forward to seeing me next week when I returned. I dried myself off, dressed, and got into bed.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep after the events of the day, so I decided to sit and read. The problem was, no matter what I did, Kye would always invade my thoughts. I pictured him as the hero in my book, or I would go back to our moment on the rocks at Porta Moniz. I couldn’t carry on like this. I needed to face him head-on and have the conversation we had both been avoiding since we were flung together a few weeks ago. He was invading my thoughts and feelings at every moment. I needed to do something about it or go insane. I may have been heading for a fall, but I would never know unless I tried. I got up off the bed, grabbed my silk robe, and placed it over my chemise. Why I had chosen to wear this tonight, I had no idea, but I hoped it would get a reaction.
I went to knock on his bedroom door, just to check if he had gone to bed, but then I heard it. The piano was playing again, but this time I could hear a voice singing. Slowly I walked down the stairs to Kye’s study, I stood outside for a moment. Again, I recognised the song immediately, but this time I wasn’t filled with love and warmth. This time, I felt a cold shiver run down me. As soon as I heard the words, I was taken back to my conversation with Mateus earlier.
The only time I would worry Is if he is playing and singing “For Crying Out Loud.” Please, if you hear that, don’t worry about his privacy. Go to him. Put your arms around him and hold him.
That was exactly what was being played on the piano, and Kye was singing. I wanted to follow through on what Mateus had asked, but something held me back. I stood by the door and watched and listened for a moment. I could see how much pain Kye was in as he played. He was sinking. He was going to the place that Mateus was so afraid of.
Was it because of our kiss? Was this all down to me? The melodious sound of Kye playing was almost hypnotic, and without realising, I found myself walking into the room and standing behind him. He never turned around, never acknowledged that I was there. Did he even realise? Or was he so lost in the music that he was oblivious to everything around him?
I stood and listened to his voice, swept into the feeling of being lost and then finding the person that I truly loved. Kye was a beautiful singer, much more refined than Meat Loaf himself, but still just as beautiful. I couldn’t help the tears falling down my cheeks as he sang. My heart felt like it was being torn apart as I listened to the words Kye was singing with so much passion, but it was obvious they held pain in them. The words of the song meant so much to him, I could tell. He had been fighting his own demons for the past eighteen years, and although he had never told me that, it had been obvious from what he hadn’t said and what Mateus had told me. I was holding back my sobs listening to him singing, my heart was racing and I wanted to throw myself at him and just hold him.
I continued to just stand there and listen as he finished the first section of the song and played the chords leading into the next. Before he could continue, I placed my hand on his shoulder, started to sing, and sat down next to him.
