Page 38 of Abigail's King
I made sure she was steady on her feet and guided her back to the bike. I could tell that she was upset by my change in demeanour, but I couldn’t allow myself to be pulled into sharing my feelings with her.
We arrived back at the bike just a few minutes later, and I helped her with her helmet and to get on to the bike. Within a few moments, we were heading back through the countryside of Madeira and back to my home. There, I hoped to find sanctuary and remove the feelings that were coursing through my body. I needed to speak to Mateus. I just hoped he could give me the advice I needed.
I was currently sitting in the small cottage where Mateus was staying while helping me. He hadn’t wanted to stay at the house, mainly because he was doing the night shift and didn’t want to keep Abigail awake. I was sitting on the settee with a glass of bourbon in my hand. Knowing that he was here, I allowed myself just this one drink to be able to calm the nerves I was feeling throughout my body. When I arrived back at the house, I quickly made my excuse that I needed to check in with Mateus. I knew I was being an arsehole, especially after kissing Abigail, but I couldn’t be close to her. I had already gone too far with my feelings, and I couldn’t let her break me down anymore.
Mateus sat down in front of me and realised immediately that something was wrong.
“What the fuck happened? You look like the cat that got the cream and then had it taken away from him.”
I took a sip of my bourbon and allowed the heat to warm my throat and stomach before I answered him.
“I fucked up, Mateus. I kissed Abigail.”
I couldn’t believe his reaction. He laughed. He fucking sat there and started laughing at me.
“I don’t see what’s fucking funny about the situation. She’s my detail. I shouldn’t fucking be kissing her. I’m meant to fucking protect her.”
He continued to laugh, tears pouring down his face now. I was starting to get angry. I just wanted to punch him in the face. After a few moments, his laughter died down and he looked at me.
“Is that it? You kissed her? For fuck’s sake, Kye. You love the woman. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I’m surprised it took this long.”
I looked at him with an incredulous expression. Was he taking the piss out of me?
“Rico – and I call you that as your brother – don’t throw away what you could have with Abigail. Just because you are meant to protect her, it doesn’t mean you can’t do that as her boyfriend. Look, I know about all the other guys on the team. Each one of them found their women as part of a job. Hell, Jayden was doing exactly the same as you are right now, and where is he now? Married to his amazing wife – who you saved, I will add – with a son and daughter. Why shouldn’t you have that with Abigail?”
I was getting angrier by the second. He knew why I couldn’t have the same thing with Abigail. He knew that it would only be a short while before she found someone else and went off with them. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to get out of here before I did something I would regret. I placed the glass on the table and went to get up.
“No, you don’t. I don’t care how fucking mad you are with me at the moment. You are going to sit down there and listen to your big brother for once. None of the women in your past were yours. They never would have been. Sofia was always like a sister to you and still is. Sienna was always Jayden’s, and as for Kelsey, she was too young for you. She was the little sister you used to replace Aliciana. None of them loved you as a man. They loved you as a person and always fucking will. Abigail is sitting alone in that house over there. She is the woman who is madly in love with you, but right now is probably hurting and as confused as fuck at how much you run hot and cold. How do you think she is feeling right now? All she ever wanted was to be that close to you. To feel the love she has for you reciprocated. Then when it happens, you immediately shut her out again and come running to me. If you’re not careful, you will lose her, not because she fell in love with another man, but because she couldn’t deal with being pushed away by you one more time. You are the one that is going to lose Abigail because of your own actions, not anyone else’s.”
I knew in my heart he was right, but I couldn’t listen to it now. I didn’t want to hear the truth because it hurt too much. I’d resigned myself a long time ago that I would die a lonely man. That wasn’t about to change any time soon. I got up from my seat, and this time Mateus didn’t say a word or try to stop me.
I went to walk out of the house, but stopped and turned to speak to him.
“No matter what you say or think, it’s for the best. Abigail is better off without me. I’m always waiting for my past to catch up with me. The demons that I have will always be there, and one day they will come back and haunt me. I can’t let her see that. I can’t let her be part of the darkness that surrounds me, Mateus. I’ll only end up hurting her. Better it is now before she is engrained in my life than later when it is too late for her. I was meant to be alone. I realise that now. I just have to take the love I have for the women in my life as it is, as a brother. A protector.”
He looked at me and shook his head. “You can have both, Kye. You just need to open your heart before it’s too late. Because I want to see you happy. Mum, Dad, Sofia, and Aliciana all want to see you happy. They all want you back in their lives. Please don’t give up. I’m worried about you. Please don’t throw everything away, because I’m afraid of what you might do.”
I needed some space. Space from everything and everyone. Without saying another word, I walked out of the house and headed down to the beach. I needed to clear my head. It was only a couple of days before Abigail’s last photoshoot. Then we could head back to England and I would be able to finally get my head in gear. I would have my team around me and we would be able to find out exactly who was doing this to Abigail. Then I would be out of her life forever. She could go off and find the man of her dreams, and I could continue to live my lonely life.
It fucking hurt to think about life without Abigail in it, but it would be for the best. It was how it was meant to be. I just had to get through the next few days with my heart intact because at the moment, it was breaking at the thought of not being with her.
