Page 37 of Carrying Your Lies
I change the subject and ask about her. While she talks, I look around the familiar walls, and a strange pull of sadness tugs at me. My life wasn’t easy before, but it felt easier thanthis.I miss living on my own, without two people watching over me. I miss getting on The Underground to get myself places. I miss laughing with Mia behind the till for eight hours a day.I miss my freedom.
But the one thing I don’t miss is walking through the door with his sidekick. Jordan and Elliot let out a bellowing laugh as they queue for a coffee. The feeling of my gaze pulls his attention away from his friend. The glee on his face irritates me. He walks over to us with a smile on his face. Mia follows my steely gaze and rolls her eyes at the sight of them.
“Long time,” Jordan greets.
“Not long enough,” I mutter.
Jordan was the fuel behind Elliot’s gambling. Promising to make quick money while having fun started an unhealthy gambling habit. On the few nights I convinced Elliot to stay home, Jordan would ring off his phone until they were glued together at a betting shop.
“Sav, it’s so good to see you.”
“What do you want, Elliot?” I ask.
Uninvited, he takes a seat at the table. “I’ve missed you. How are you?”
“Pregnant,” I answer.
There is a pain in his eyes, and the naïve part of me feels sorry for him. He was good to me. He did love me; it’s a shame he loved gambling more.
“You went through with it?” I don’t answer him. “Why are you doing this? You’ll regret it. You’ll be giving your first baby away. All this pain and for what?”
“I could say the same about my time with you.” I fire back. “Five years I poured into us, and look what you did to me. All that heartache and for what?” I don’t let him answer. “Only for you to choosemoneyover me. It was alwaysJordanand Elliot. At least this pain will last nine months and be worth it.“ I stand up and stare at him. “I can’t say the same about my wasted time with you.”
Walking away, I hear Mia cuss him out for ruining our catch-up. I walk back to the office with emotions brimming my eyes.
I hate these stupid hormones.
I walk into Huxley’s office and ignore his questioning stare. I slump into my seat and count to ten, trying to push my emotions down. But it doesn’t work. No matter how hard I purse my lips, the cries break out.
Tucked into the corner of the office, I cry to myself. Maybe it’s the hormones, the lack of freedom, or the Savannah I feel has already been lost, but I cry while trying to ignore the way Huxley is watching me with caution. I scold myself to hold it together in front of him, but I can’t stop the outbreak of emotions. I hide my face in my hands, wishing it would silence the cries pouring out of me. I don’t expect him to come over and comfort me.Hell, I don’t want him to.I can build myself back together.
But that doesn’t stop my heart from wavering when he silently places a box of tissues on my desk and walks out of the office, shutting the door behind him. Maybe he, too, knows that sometimes you need a moment to cry your losses silently and alone.
Emery has asked me to join her for dinner today. I wanted to say no, but I’ve declined three times already. I open the garden door, but before I can announce my arrival, a shout thunders through all the rooms.
“I gave you everything! What more do you want?” Xavier shouts.
The noise comes from upstairs, but I still tiptoe across the kitchen and closer to the source.
“You!” she shouts back. “I want my husband back!”
“Tough luck,” he replies coldly. “Your husband left when youlied.”
The laugh that emits from Emery brings a chill to my bones. The eerie sound is not one I have heard from her before. “You left a long time before that! The second you signed those marriage papers, you became someone else!”
“Because I realised what a psychopath you really are! Fucking hell, Em! You clung to me like a lost fucking puppy. What more do you want from me? I gave you everything!”
The ceiling above me creaks as someone paces around. From the heavy steps, I assume it is Xavier.
“You gave me everything except your love!”
“Don’t start with this bullshit again. I had work. I had a life outside of you.”
“I should have been your life, not a fucking showpiece!”
“You are one ungrateful bitch, you know that?”
I flinch as he swears at her. It’s hard to believe that it’s Xavier speaking.
