Page 36 of Carrying Your Lies
“You have no right to be jealous.”
“I know that, but I do. I hate that I do. I don’t want to feel like this. I’m scared of betraying my vows when you’re in my presence.”
“Are you trying to blame me?”
“Do you feel it too?”
I answer his question with one of my own. “Does it matter?”
He stares at me in defeat. “Perhaps it doesn’t.”
The three words confirm what I already knew: I would never be worth ending his marriage for. It doesn’t matter what he proclaims; he would stand in his marriage even if I gave in to my temptation. I would only ever be the mistress the world slut shamed.
“You should have ended the contract before we got here.”
He makes his way across the office until we’re standing toe-to-toe. “Please don’t go.”
My eyebrows furrow as I try to understand what he wants. He won’t leave Emery, yet he wants me around. He won’t step over the line but wants me to stand at it with him.
What he wants doesn’t matter. It’s about whatIwant.
“If the next round fails, I want out of the contract.”
He looks at me in surprise. “And work?”
“I don’t want to be around a man who only sees me as a fuck.”
“That isn’t what this is.”
I grab my jacket and stare at him. “I’m not looking for a love story. I look out for myself because I have no one else to do it. I make decisions that benefit me. I don’t claim to be a good person, but at least I’m not a liar. I’d respect you more if you could admit you wanted an affair to hurt her.”
“I’m a good man.”
I shake my head. “A good man wouldn’t have welcomed his sin into his home.”
11
Thedaysaftertheimplantation felt stretched out as Xavier watched me like a hawk, and Emery became my second shadow. Everywhere I turned, there they were. A selfish part of me hoped it didn’t work so I could get out. It was hard being around Xavier when I knew I had to keep some distance between us.
But life has never been kind to me, and we finally got a positive pregnancy result. It’s an odd feeling knowing there is life inside of me. Despite the circumstances, I will do whatever I can to deliver this baby safely.
Mia engulfs me in a tight hug as I walk intoEspresSoul.“What can I get you?”
I haven’t seen my friend in two months. Her medium-length blonde hair has been cropped to a pink pixie cut. Her curves have started to disappear, and new ink covers her skin.So much has changed.
“One apple turnover, please.”
I sit alone for another twenty minutes until her lunch break rolls around. She joins me with a coffee and cake slice. She listens intently as I tell her the latest updates, ending with the pregnancy.
She eyes me up and down. “Areyouokay? How are you feeling?”
“Dreadful. Why is it called morning sickness when it comes in the afternoon?”
My friend laughs at my misery. “This is just the start. Are things any better with the COO?” She seems more excited about this than the pregnancy.
I shake my head. With Huxley, it’s back to the start. There are no more playful moments – only hostility. When he returned to the office, he made me promise to never tell Xavier the truth. I still don’t understand why he cares so much.
Things between Xavier and myself are strained but civil. I avoid being alone with him. It’s easy to get lost in the moment with Xavier. There’s something about him that’s hard to walk away from. Perhaps that’s why Emery likes to keep him close.
