“I am happy. And your mom wouldn’t make it without me. She relies on me to pay the bills.”
“Oh, please. Don’t flatter yourself. You think people don’t know we’re living a lie? You’re a fool if you think people don’t know.”
I stormed up the basement stairs and to my bedroom. Checking my email one last time, I saw zero emails waiting to be opened. It’s four a.m. over there. What were you expecting? I opened Instant Messenger and one new sentence sat in my chat with Jaime. Miss you. Have a good day tomorrow.
I sighed. How could I have been so stupid to think this would work?
Chapter 41: August 2003
“I think that’s the last box.” I crushed the brown cardboard box and threw it in our new recycling bin. I pulled a spoon from the drawer and a mug from the counter and ran them under warm, soapy water. “Are you up for an ice cream sundae? I went grocery shopping last night. Chocolate java mocha. I also bought caramel sauce, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream. I thought I’d reward myself for unpacking another room.”
The weekend Jenny and I moved in, the meteorologists forecasted the hottest week in Boston over the past hundred years. I wiped my brow and mustered up enough strength to pile three scoops of softened ice cream into the mug.
“Sure, that looks amazing.” Jenny pulled another mug out of a box and handed it to me. Her armpit stains ran down the side of her shirt and she pulled at her front, waving hot, stale air down her neckline.
“Are you excited? I still can’t believe you got into Boston University. That’s a great school.” The cold ice cream slid down my throat. I took another bite, placing the spoon upside down on my tongue, and let it sit until fully melted.
“Yeah, school starts Tuesday. I jump right in. Somehow, I avoided all early morning classes. I think my earliest is right before lunch. How’s it going for you?”
I pulled my sweaty hair into a ponytail and placed my face directly in front of the dusty table top fan my parents had given. “Good. I’m so happy to be out of my house. You could have thrown me in a box on the sidewalk and I would have made it my home. It’s good for me to get back into a routine away from my parents.”
Jenny leaned against the dresser wedged against the wall. “How are they?”
“It’s been a rough few months, but my mom finally filed for divorce. I don’t know what she was waiting for.”
“Maybe she was scared to be on her own.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. I’d like to think it had something to do with me finally speaking my mind. You should have seen her when I was throwing the f-word around. She never expected that. It wasn’t funny at the time, but I don’t know what got into me! I was so frustrated with everything that went down in Ireland and I was back in that house, stuck and forced to witness the dysfunction every single day.”
Jenny sat down, her face in front of the fan. “Good for you for speaking up.”
“Yeah, I don’t think she or my dad spoke to me for at least a month, but I guess that gave her enough time to throw my dad out. He packed up his stuff, gave me his new address, and told me to keep in touch.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s been weird but at least they’re getting divorced and not living under the same roof anymore. Now, we’re a normal family.”
“She looked good when I saw her,” Jenny said.
“Yeah, she did. I think she’s taking care of herself, going to counseling, and figuring out her own shit. At least now I can focus on me.”
“Have you heard from Jaime?”
I winced at his name. “Nope. Well, kind of. He sent me this necklace for my birthday. He apologized in his card, saying that the internet in Connemara is spotty, and he’d try to send me letters more often. I haven’t gotten another one since.” I pulled at the claddagh pendant hanging from my neck. “He overheard me telling Zoey and Marissa how much I loved the symbolism behind the hands, heart, and crown, and how it will always remind me of Ireland. I almost consider it a farewell ‘have-a-nice-life’ gift, because I haven’t really heard from him since he sent it. I keep sending emails, like I did with Scott, because I still love him. Until he tells me he has a girlfriend, I’m going to stay positive. Maybe it really is an internet thing.”
“Sorry,” Jenny mumbled.
I waved at her like it was no big deal. “I hope he’s happy. He graduated, and I sent him a card. Knowing Ireland, it took weeks to get there. Last I knew, he was living with his parents, looking for a job.”
“We’re in a city with millions of people looking for love. I’m sure you’ll find someone.”
I threw my empty sundae cup in the sink and guzzled cold tap water. “Yeah, it’s fine. I had prepared myself for this. I knew it was too good to last. I sent him an email with our new address, just in case he ever wanted to reach me, but he didn’t respond. To be fair, it’s only been a few days. Once we get our internet up and running, I’ll check my email again. Sometimes he surprises me.”
I flipped through my planner, seeing all the exciting events happening on campus. I had taped photos from my trip to the inside pages, so I’d always have reminders of things that made me happy. A picture of Jaime and me in front of the castle remained in the center of the first page. “One year ago today, I was on a flight to Ireland,” I said. “I still can’t believe it.”
“Well, if you never went to Ireland, we never would have met, and you wouldn’t be here right now,” Jenny said.
I smiled, but my heart still hurt. “Yeah, life can be funny.”
Jenny and I had found a one-bedroom apartment off the B-Line in Boston in a four-floor brownstone built in the early 1800s. Gorgeous on the outside, it was barely standing on the inside, but I didn’t care because it was mine. Jenny took the actual bedroom, and I converted the living room into my bedroom. In between our two spaces, we shared a small kitchen. It certainly wasn’t the Taj Mahal, but for us, it was perfect.
“Do you want to get pizza tonight? I’m too tired to go out.”
