Zoey paused and wrung her hands in her lap. “Well, you had a bet that you could dance better than her. The people in the pub voted, and Aoife won.”
I rolled my hands in my lap. “And? What did she win?”
Marissa took a sip and leaned back in the chair. “A kiss and a date with Jaime.”
Chapter 23
This is bad. This is so bad. My plan to make Aoife jealous completely backfired. I didn’t want to know any more. I’m sure I ran my mouth and said something stupid and did something stupid and made everyone realize what an idiot I am.
The room spun and closed in on me. My teacup shook in my hand, and I slammed it down on the end table to stop the shaking. “Excuse me.” I jumped and ran to the bathroom, and for the last time that day, I emptied whatever remained in my stomach. I needed to go home. And maybe by home, I meant America.
When I emerged from the bathroom, the rest of my bunkmates lounged in the lobby, looking like we had lived through an insane night, but I was the only one who truly felt insane. My mind raced with clarifying questions about the night before, but I was too afraid to verify my humiliation.
I walked to the group like I was in a death march, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Leaning against the far counter, I kept my eyes on the clock, hoping the minutes would pass at super-speed.
On the long walk to the train station, I told my inner voice to shut up. The last thing I needed was to show any weakness by crying.
The next few hours tortured my soul. Nauseous from the jockeying of the train, the noise of side conversations pounded my brain, and the glances I caught between Jaime and Aoife made it difficult to breathe. What was I thinking last night?
Closing my eyes, I pretended I was in my bed at home, with Marty beside me watching a Real World marathon. A sudden desire to see Marty overcame me, desperate for my best friend to tell me to get my head out of my ass and march forward. I heard her chipper voice in my mind, “Rory, there’s no sense in dwelling on mistakes. You can’t change them. Just accept the lesson and move on.”
The rolling hills whipped passed my window, blurring into one green masterpiece, and a small black bird soared below the clouds. I checked my watch—one more hour. Closing my eyes, I leaned against the window, and my head slammed into the glass with every acceleration and brake. Embracing the pain, a single tear dripped down my cheek and I wiped it away.
I didn’t talk to anyone because I couldn’t. Sentences had organized in my brain, but my mouth wasn’t cooperating. All I could do was listen to those around me and avoid any attention. My backpack sat in the chair next to me, and I leaned across, using it as a pillow.
When we finally pulled into the station, my mind had disconnected from my body. I waved to Owen and Aoife, trying my hardest to act normal but not having enough drive to really pull it off. Jaime and Aoife said goodbye away from the group, and I couldn’t help but see him place his hand on her lower back. I blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.
The taxi ride to our apartment was silent. We all needed to sleep it off and reconnect later. I wasn’t ready to have a conversation with anyone, so I walked into my bedroom and closed the door behind me.
I was stuck with Jaime. He crawled under his covers, and pushed the plaid blanket under his chin. “I’m taking a nap. Wake me in an hour?” he asked.
Pretending to read a book, I watched him sleep over the top of the page. I still didn’t know what had transpired the night before, and I hadn’t quite figured out how to get the truth without sounding needy or vulnerable.
Succumbing to a hot shower, the scalding water burned my skin, and I fully submerged myself below the pelting drops, zapping my face. The water washed away my shame and embarrassment, and when I emerged, I almost felt like a new woman.
Jaime was still sleeping. “Jaime,” I whispered. “Time to get up.”
Once his eyes opened, I grabbed my raincoat and left the apartment to walk off my negative energy.
Over the next few days I watched his every move, questioning his motives and intentions and refusing to address our weekend. I disengaged eye contact every time I accidentally found myself staring into his kind, loving eyes. He tried to make jokes, but I didn’t react to his humor, halting his funny personality from penetrating my heart again. I tried my best to only be in our room when he wasn’t home, and if he was home, I slept on the couch, blaming insomnia for the change in my behavior.
I pulled open my email and wrote to Marty. Hey Marty! I can’t wait to see you in a few weeks! You’re still coming, right? So much has happened, it’s insane, but I’m still loving it over here. Missing you, of course, but still loving it. I meant to tell you, I met someone, but he might be interested in someone else. What should I do? I really like him, and I’d hate to ruin what we have, but I can’t seem to shake this feeling that he still cares for another girl. Bitch. Visions of him and Aoife danced through my head to the tune of a sad country song. I watched them explode in my mind and returned to my email. What do I do? Tell him how I feel? Confront the girl? Ignore it and pretend it’s nothing? I mean, it’s not like we can have an actual relationship thousands of miles away. Love you, Marty! I hope you’re having fun, but not too much fun without me! I can’t wait to see you. -R
A few minutes later, my email dinged. Rory, you only live once. If you like him, tell him. If he rejects you, move on. If you only knew he was my roommate. There are other fish in the sea. But if you are together, you better not be planning on spending all your time with him when I come to visit. There’s so much I want to see and do in Ireland. Oh, I wanted to tell you, I’m dating someone too. It’s not serious, but it’s been fun. I used to think of him as a brother, or a best friend (besides you, of course), and somehow my feelings changed for him.
Who could that be? The male friends we hung out with were few and far between. Maybe it’s a friend from home? I searched my brain for guys she talked about, but no one came to mind. Huh. Her email continued. I’m so happy to hear you’ve moved on from Scott. He wasn’t the right guy for you. Love you! See you in a few weeks! –Marty
Reading Marty’s advice, I knew what I had to do. I had to talk to him. The idea of sitting down with him and baring my soul made my stomach churn and my head spin, but like my mom always said, ‘Go big, or go home,’ and I needed to blow up this living situation.
Chapter 24
It had been six mortifying days since Halloween, and with every day that passed, I felt more like myself. I still hadn’t spoken to him, but I pretended nothing had happened between us. The giant elephant grew beyond our small bedroom, but it hadn’t stomped on me yet. Despite my burst of confidence after speaking to Marty, I couldn’t seem to get up enough nerve to speak my mind.
Jaime sat on his bed, drawing in his notebook, and I lay in mine, scanning the newest Victoria’s Secret catalog Marty had sent me in my care package.
“Rory?” He put his notebook down, and I glanced at him. “Can you turn a little to the left?”
I didn’t respond, but turned toward the window.
