Page 27 of Written in the Stars
ZANDER
When I lost Maddie, never in a million years did I ever think I would be where I am today. And granted, for a long time, a very long time, I wasn’t. I felt lost without her. My days had no meaning. My nights were endless. All I wanted to do was sit in a corner or lie in bed and cry. I wanted to drink my life away, and for a while there, I did. It never got to the point of addition, because thankfully, I had Matt, but it got close.
Maddie was my whole world, my whole life, and then, in an instant, she was gone. The weeks and months that followed were the darkest moments of my life. My wife, my darling sweetheart, my best friend, was gone. And there was no chance of her ever coming back to me. It wasn’t as if we were breaking up, going through a separation or divorce that maybe someday could be fixed. No. It wasn’t like that at all. She was gone, and there was no chance, whatsoever, of things going back to the way they used to be. Everything we had planned for the future, everything I had ever known, was suddenly gone.
I never thought I would smile again. But here I am, three years later, smiling like a dumbass as I walk back into my apartment for the night. And it’s all because of Serenity. She was so easy to talk to, and even more, she made me want to talk. Usually, I’m not so open with people I’ve just met. Okay, I haven’t just met her, but we never talked before and I don’t even know if she remembers me. Surely if she did, she would say something, right?
And even though I didn’t come out about the past just yet, I feel like it would have been so natural to do so. Maybe if all continues going well, I’ll get to that point with her. I can say for sure that I definitely want to. I would love to see her again and possibly see where things could go. She made me feel things tonight I haven’t felt in so long.
I don’t want to race into a relationship because I don’t know if I’m ready for all that. Will I ever be? But I absolutely would love to see where this could go with her.
I turn around and make sure I’ve locked the door. It is. I was pretty sure I had locked in after I walked in, but since dropping Serenity back home, I feel like I’ve been on cloud nine, and I can’t get our date off my mind.
I walk into the living room and take a seat on the couch, then I turn on the TV. I flip through a few channels, but once I realize my mind is not focused on any show I turn to, I decide to turn it off and head to my bedroom. All I see in my mind is a beautiful woman with long dark hair, sparkling emerald-green eyes, and a smile that could light up the darkest tunnel. Plus, I wouldn’t mind hearing her laughter over and over again.
I shake my head and smile. I feel like a high school kid who can’t get his first real crush out of my mind. If this is any indication of how things are going to be going forward, I’m in trouble. I need to get to bed and think of something else just so I don’t lose myself so much with this girl. Because what if things don’t work out for whatever reason? I don’t want to somehow end up hurt or get too far invested into something that might not turn into anything at all.
And once she knows the truth, will she even want to see me again?
I’ve got to tell her sooner rather than later, but when?
I strip out of my clothes and change into a plain white T-shirt and black shorts and hop into bed. Pulling the covers up, I let out a deep sigh, closing my eyes.
And once again, there she is. Beautiful, gorgeous, amazing.
And that kiss?
Breathtaking.
My eyes snap open and I’m staring at the ceiling, thinking of her lips on mine. A smile immediately forms on my face, and once again, I relish in the thoughts of her.
The taste of her lips was absolutely incredible. All I want to do right now is go pick her up and kiss her right on her doorstep. I want to kiss her passionately as the snow falls down all around us.
Damn, she’s so perfect.
I still don’t get how anyone could have done anything to hurt her. In the little amount of time that I’ve gotten to know her, I can tell she’s an amazing woman. Who could be stupid enough to just throw that away?
Well, apparently her ex.
I don’t know what’s wrong with some guys. They have the whole world right at their fingertips, and they throw it away for… for what? A one-night stand? A piece of ass? Is losing something you’ve built something real with worth that one time? I don’t get it. Maybe I never will.
Yawning, I realize I’m getting sleepy. I got up at five this morning because I couldn’t sleep thinking of my upcoming date with Serenity. I chuckle to myself once more and then close my eyes yet again.
And once more, I see Serenity smiling at me, and sometime between now and the wee morning hours, I fall into a blissful sleep.
