Page 21 of Written in the Stars
SERENITY
Time has been flying. It’s currently the week after New Year’s and the days at the store seem to be just zooming by. I finally spoke to Walter a couple of days ago after giving him the silent treatment for so long. Surprisingly, he still wants to work things out, but there’s no way in hell that’s ever happening again. There’s nothing to work out. He’s a cheating dog, and that’s that. He needs to get his idea of us rekindling anything out of his head. I told him he could go ahead and be with Dora because I want nothing more to do with him. I let him know I’m staying with my sister and that I don’t know when I’ll return home to grab my things. I asked him to hang on to them for a little while longer until I can figure out a day to pick them up myself.
Of course, I could always head on over to grab my things while he’s away at work, probably screwing Dora on his desk again, but I honestly have no desire to head back to Narrowville. For now, I’m just content staying with Lissa in Glimerton.
Today is Dad’s birthday, and Lissa and I decide to close the shop for a while and head over to the psychiatric hospital for a visit. It’s a long shot, and we know it’s going to be a challenge, but he’s still our father, and we want to show him he still has us, even though Mom was taken from all of us.
When we arrive, we find him in his room, all by himself, facing the window. The TV’s on, but it doesn’t seem as if he’s watching it; it’s more like it’s watching him.
“Pop, hi.” I try to keep my voice as calm as possible. Any startling noise or gesture can trigger him and send him reeling on an anger spiel, boisterously sending everyone to hell without a reason.
He turns to face me and nods his head. At least he’s not dismissing me or telling me to get the hell out.
“Happy Birthday, Pop. We brought you this.” Lissa places the chocolate-frosted cake we ordered for him from the bakery on the table in front of him. Have I mentioned chocolate is his favorite flavor?
He still says nothing, so I try again.
“So, Pop, Lissa and I are thinking of taking you out to your favorite restaurant tonight, just for a couple of hours. It’ll be fun, so you can get out for a bit and we can celebrate. What do you say?”
There’s still no response from him, and I can see my sister growing impatient by the minute. I know she’s tried many times on so many occasions to get him to break out of his shell, but there’s no hope. It appears as though he’s gone too deep.
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” Lissa mumbles, throwing her arms up in exasperation.
Oh shit. This is going to get bad fast, and I need to intervene and change the direction of where this visit is going.
“Okay, Pop. Maybe another day. Happy Birthday.” I walk over to him and carefully place a kiss on the top of his head. I don’t know what to expect, but I know I need to try.
“Come on, Lissa. Let’s let Pop get his rest—”
“No!” he finally bellows, letting me know he still has a voice. It makes me jump a few feet into the air because I wasn’t expecting that at all.
“Well, look at who decided to finally join the real world,” Lissa exclaims, rolling her eyes. This is not going to end well.
“You can’t come here and do this. Neither one of you! Leave me alone, and don’t ever come back,” he yells.
Oh, boy.“Pop, please don’t do this. It’s your birthday. Lissa and I want to celebrate with you. I know it still hurts that Mom is gone, but we’re still here for you, and we love you.”
“Don’t you dare mention my angel! She’s mine! Mine! And now she’s gone, and I’m dying! I’m dying without her! Why won’t you just let me die? Why won’t you just let me die!” He shouts, punching the air with his fists above his head, and I’m about to be in tears. My father is wishing for his own death.
“Oh, Christ. This is ridiculous!” Lissa pushes off from the wall she’s leaning against and marches over. “You should be ashamed of yourself, talking like that! And you’re not the only one who lost Mom… we both did, too. But guess what? We’re trying to move forward and live our lives. We’re trying to be here for you, but you keep pushing us away. You still have two daughters here that love you! Why can’t you see that?” Lissa tries pleading with him.
But it’s too late. Pop is freaking out and is now hyperventilating, to where the nurses come rushing to run into the room, sedating him, and asking us to leave. It’s horrible. It was supposed to be a good day. It was supposed to turn out differently. But everything got ruined, and now there’s nothing more we can do.
On our drive home, Lissa is fuming red, gripping a stress ball tightly between her hands. “You’d think he’d appreciate the things we do for him… that we still go to visit his grumpy ass, but no! He’s ungrateful! He’s an ungrateful little shit!” she screams as I hold my eyes on the road.
I volunteer to drive us back in her car; Lissa’s too angry and upset, and I was worried about her getting behind the wheel in her current state.
“He’s just hurting, Lis. He misses her.”
“Yeah?Well, so do I. I know you do, too. But you don’t see us treating him like shit.” She shakes her head back and forth and then stares out the window.
I shrug. “I don’t know… It must be hard losing the love of your life.”
“Don’t I know it…” she softly mumbles, fighting back a sniffle.
Losing a spouse to death is one thing, and losing them to a divorce is a complete other. Losing someone because you break it off since they can’t keep their pants on is something else as well. However, in all three cases, you’re left alone, trying to pick up the pieces of your life, and that still hurts like hell. It all hurts just the same.
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