“Aria fucking Morgan, you tell me where he is.”
“He found a new mistress. She’s eighteen and cute as shit. I doubt she’ll last long, but it’ll keep him busy for a little while.”
“And how do you know that?”
“I may have hacked his Facebook account,” I wince. “I didn’t do it because I’m upset or jealous. I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t coming home tonight.”
“Girl, who are you tellin’? I know you’re not jealous. You need to do what’s best for you and my Niecy. Especially if that means hacking all his shit. You know that motherfucker out there raw-doggin’ anything he can stick his pathetic dick into. Hadley might have some siblings soon if he doesn’t fix his shit.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me that he’s capable of more procreation. The last thing I need is some additional baby mama drama. My focus is my daughter and no one else.”
“I’m just saying. He’s a manwhore. He’s always been one and he always will be. We’d all be a little better off if he fell off the face of the planet… or onto the blade of my stabby as fuck knife,” she says, and I can hear the smile on her face as she pictures the viscous homicide of my husband.
I can’t help but bark a laugh at that, and I double check to make sure I don’t wake my princess. “Shut up! Oh my god, I can’t breathe,” I choke out between laughs. When I finally manage to talk again I say, “no murders today, my friend. That man is not worth a lifetime of wearing orange.” And I mean it. It’s not a good color on most people
“Bitch please. I look good in everything. I’d look better bathed in the blood of that fucker you call a husband. How many times has he fucked around on you since he’s been home?”
“Nah, I’ll handle things over here, no need for you to go to prison. He’s taken off to go party with his old high school buddies a few times in the last year, so I’d say he’s fucked around at least two times. I’m really not worried about it. I get tested regularly to make sure I’m good. I just need you to do me a couple of favors. Is that okay?”
“Anything for you,” she promises, and I’m so thankful I have a small tribe to call my own.
“Can you and Demi find me a new house? I’m looking to buy, not rent.”
“Sure. Here in town or…”
“Nope. I’m moving us to Texas.”
Seventeen
Leaving a dirtbag means believing in yourself
Aria:
September 2020.
“Oh my god, we did it, baby girl. We’re free,” I whisper to my daughter, loving the way she giggles in response. I feel the tears flowing down my face, but I know my smile is bright.
No longer do I have to hide bruises when I go out in public. No longer do I have to feel like I have to censor my thoughts and opinions. No longer do I bear the weight of a man I hate holding me down while I silently beg God for him to finish so I can roll over and hide the tears that fall unwittingly because of the disgust I feel when my own husband touched me without my consent.
We’re married. Stop saying no like it means something. You can’t say no to me. It’s not rape because you consented when you vowed to take care of me for the rest of our lives. Now let me take what I’m owed,wife…
“Fwee mama, fwee!” Hadley says, clapping excitedly and breaking me free of the memories that cause my gut to churn.
“Yeah princess. Free! And from this moment forward it’s you and me against the world. There’s not a thing that can stop us now.” I snuggle into her neck and send her into a fit of giggles. Toddler laughs are so good for the soul. I swear to the heavens, this girl saves me daily just by being so authentically her.
I’m so thankful that I managed to buy my Dodge Durango under my own name while Benji was overseas. I kept it at Demi’s house when he came home and just drove the little Honda we’d bought together. The Durango’s not the newest model, but it’s not old either. The safety ratings are high and the SUV is comfortable with lots of room. It made it easier to pack up our belongings and get the hell out of there when the time came.
I filed for an emergency divorce right along with emergency custody of Hadley after Benji walked out on us for the fourth or fifth time, moving in with only god knows who, long enough to party and wear out his welcome before coming back home and repeating his abusive patterns with me.
I’d been smart enough to document every single text, letter, email, and I took photos of every bruise or contusion he ever marked my skin with after he came home from his deployment. I took detailed notes with dates and time stamps, sort of like a diary of misery.
So when I’d appealed to speak directly with a judge and given him all of the evidence I’d saved, I’d practically begged him to let my daughter and I escape in the form of an emergency divorce and no custody granted in favor of Benji. I had nothing left in me to stay, and after his latest death threat I couldn’t risk it anymore. He’d threatened my sweet baby this last time and then he walked out the door.
I packed our house up that night, went to the courthouse the following morning, filed for a temporary restraining order and a divorce and we stayed in a hotel until I could speak with the judge, who thankfully showed mercy on me and finalized it in my favor. As much as the judge clearly wanted to honor his military status, the evidence against Benji was irrefutable.
“You can’t stop me from going out,” he’d said. “I’m the man of this house and what I say goes. I own you and I own our daughter. I can decide the fate of whether you live or die. Don’t put me in the position that I have to make a hard decision when it comes to Hadley,” he’d all but growled in my face. Spittle had flown from his mouth as he spoke and I’d reared back at the sheer audacity of his words. Was he really threatening his own daughter? This girl that lights up the darkest of days? Our sweet little darling who’s laughter fills my heart with pure joy? I knew it could happen but I’d always hoped his love for her outweighed his abusive tendencies.
When he reached over and grabbed my free arm—the one that wasn’t holding Hadley—he pushed me just enough that I lost my balance and had teetered on the edge of the stairs, risking my baby’s safety, only to pull me back into him at the last second and whisper, “next time, I’ll make sure you both fall. Accidents happen all the time, right? What a shame that a young mother and her beautiful baby girl could meet their end so early in life. What a devastated husband and father I’ll be.”
