Benji.
Fifteen
Ain’t nothing but a death threat
Aria
March 2019
“Benji, can you please stop leaving your snack wrappers, beer cans, and energy drinks all over the place? Hadley can walk now and she gets into everything. She can choke on the garbage you’re leaving all over the house and she really can’t be drinking the stuff you’ve left lying on the side tables and floor. They aren’t even good for you, let alone a one year old.”
“Look, I went to war for our family. I come back and all I want to do is chill for a while. Is that too much to ask for? You’ve done nothing but lay around for a year and be a lazy fat fuck. The least you can do is clean up after me a little. In fact, I think it’s your turn to get a job while I’m home for the time being. It’s time for you to earn your place, don’t you think?”
Taking a deep breath, I do everything I can to remain calm. Hadley is used to it being just the two of us and I’ve never once had to raise my voice, let alone yell outside of one time I had it out with my mother-in-law when she tried to take Hadley from my arms. She’d wanted to take her for an overnight sleep and that was only going to happen over my cold dead body.
Even then, I’d taken my daughter to her room and laid her down for a nap before I ripped Kimberly a new one. She hasn’t come around since and Benji isn’t pleased with me over it, but I’ve been happy as can be. That woman is villainous.
“B, I’m not asking for the world. I pick up after you all day, every day and I’m not complaining. I’m only asking that you consider our daughters’ safety. You left a steak knife within her reach after dinner last night because you refused to eat with us at the dinner table. Normally I wouldn’t care, but you had your headphones on while you played your video games so if I hadn’t been paying attention, she could’ve gotten really hurt and you’d never have known. How am I supposed to get a job if I have to worry about my daughter's safety the whole time?”
“Watch your fucking tongue or it won’t beourdaughter’s safety you need to worry about,” he threatens and a shiver of fear runs up the length of my spine.
Hadley starts to cry because she’s unused to anyone yelling, and I rock her in my arms to comfort her. I’ve never been one to bite my tongue when I feel like something truly needs to be said, at least until Benji. He’s been threatening me a lot since he got home and our sex life has been downright abusive. I thought it was bad before he left—it’s worse now. He’s escalating and I’m really worried my baby girl is going to get caught in the crosshairs.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just trying to make you understand the severity of things. I’ll make sure to clean up more,” I say, unsure if it’s best to placate him, but I really don’t want my daughter to catch the brunt of his anger because I’ve pissed him off. I’d never forgive myself. “As for working to earn my place, I’ve already secured a job working from home so that I can stay here with Hadley and continue working on getting an associate’s degree online.”
“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do? Be a sugar baby or some shit? Good luck with that now that I’ve pounded your pussy into ground beef. That shit’s so loose now, no one’s going to want to see it. Is that what you’ve done with your time while I was off at war, back before I stretched you out like a seasoned whore?” he scoffs. “Nothing else is going to make you enough money to compensate for what I bring home,” he taunts disrespectfully.
I’m immediately relieved that my daughter doesn’t yet understand the words he speaks. They are disgusting and degrading. My original gut instinct to run as fast and as far as I can away from this man rides me hard. He’s been home for a few months now and this demeaning attitude has been non-stop. I don’t dare tell him that I didn’t onlyjustsecure this job but have had it since well before he left. He was always oblivious because I logged hours while he slept and when he’s seen me work through the training, he thought I was working on coursework to earn my diploma. He never thought to look at what I was actually working on.
I make good money working behind the scenes in the tech department for Lancaster security. They pay double what the national average rate is to ensure loyalty from their employees and they offer free equipment to anyone that works for them, which I’m now more thankful for than ever. I was going to let Benji know that we have hidden security cameras now that I can tell him about my job, but with the way he’s acting, I think I’ll be keeping that information to myself.
I got seriously lucky that I passed the interview process back then and I’ll forever be thankful I found this job on a random ad one day. I started off at the bottom level of the company and learned so much so quickly that I’ve advanced up near the top, doubling my pay and securing my future if I want it.
Working from home obviously means that I am not out in the field like most techs. Instead I run software maintenance for our field techs all over the world. My bosses have all been incredibly supportive of my being a stay-at-home working mom, and they absolutely adore Hadley. We chat once a week via Zoom and she’s always the star of the show.
I’ve stocked away every dollar I’ve made. I’ll have to adjust my automatic deposit so that a portion of my money goes into our joint account each month and tell him that I make significantly less than what I do. Maybe even less than I did at the beginning, but it’ll be worth it to keep my secrets. I can’t even imagine how he’d react at this point. He has no idea that I have a hidden account and I plan to keep it that way. I don’t even have a card for it and my statements all go to an email account that would require a professional hacker to access. It’s safe to say I’ve learned a couple of tricks since starting this job.
Sixteen
How many times can a girl break before she shatters?
Aria
August 2020
“I don’t know what to do Tate. Things have gone too far and I’m really worried he’s going to hurt Hadley to prove a point. No matter how hard he tries, I never let him see me break and I know it’s making him more mad.”
“It’s time to leave baby girl. I should’ve tried harder to keep you from getting involved. I knew he was a bad dude. Demi called it too. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t you dare blame yourself. I gave him too many excuses. I lied too many times—to you, to myself, to anyone who questioned what’s been going on. This is on me and only me.”
“Don’t you think you’ve shouldered the blame for shit a little too long? He’s basically always been a piece of shit, but y’all have been married for two years now and it was like the moment you signed the marriage certificate, he thought he owned you. He’s been worse ever since. We all noticed. I’ve had to talk Niko out of busting in there with a gun too many times to count.”
“I honestly don’t know if that would’ve been the best case scenario or the worst case.” I laugh. “I think I’ve always known it would come to my leaving. I played it off like I was just jaded by my mom and all her bullshit, but I think on some subconscious level I knew things would get this bad. You’re right. I do need to leave. I’m just not sure how yet. Filing for divorce will set him off and I can’t let anything happen to Hadley.”
“Where is he right now? I’m surprised he’s letting you call me. Normally he bitches the whole time we talk.”
“Ehh…”
