I cannot escape you in my mind.
Forever a part of my memories.
This song has been such a cathartic release for me while I’ve tried to navigate my way through missing the very men standing before me and trying to be a better person. It eases some of the trouble stirring within my soul. But it’s only for me. Dark and brooding, almost a haunting croon that brings everything to the surface, flowing from me so my burden isn’t as heavy day to day.
It’s such a juxtaposition from how I portray myself to the world that it’s highly unlikely anyone would think it’s me if anyone from my classes heard it. My professor thinks I’ve got a random group of artists I found on the street working with me to showcase my mixing and production skills. I didn’t let her in on the fact that I composed the song myself as well as laid each individual track before mixing it all together. My secrets are my own. I’ve tried for years to turn my back on my music and I never could, so I keep it hidden. That way the only person it can hurt is me.
For a moment I’m lost to the high runs and low dips of my vocals to notice that the guys have all moved in on me. Their fresh, clean scents engulf my senses as their towering heights surround me. Rebel moves behind me so when I back up, I run directly into the hard planes of his chest and stomach. When he brings his hand up and brushes my hair away from my neck, my body releases an involuntary shiver, but when he speaks, the lust I’m feeling reverberating throughout my body turns to dread and I can’t help the gasp that escapes from shock at his words.
“Don’t think I don’t remember the way you left things between all of us, you little tease. You made us want you. Fucking crave and desire you, then you ran away like a scared little mouse in a den of lions. Only you can be blamed for the beasts we’ve become…”
Chapter Seven
Ainsley James Dylan
“Rebel,no.Wecan’tdo this. I already told you that it’s not fair to the guys,” I murmur against his mouth before kissing his perfect lips again. I have to forcefully rip my mouth from his, reminding myself that it’s for our own good. I can’t seem to help myself when I’m around any of them these days. How can it feel so good when I know it’s so wrong? We’re all just friends, right? Friends don’t do things like this and they certainly don’t sneak around like this…
We’re only freshmen in high school and I already have a bad reputation for being a huge slut because my five best friends are dudes. But they’re my people—always have been, always will be. We’ve been friends since we were in diapers, but that doesn’t matter to shitty private academy kids who use their parents' wealth and influence to climb social ladders that don’t mean anything other than showcasing how spoiled each of them are. It would be so much worse if anyone found out that I’m head over heels in love with them.
All of them.
Hell, maybe I am a slut. If I am, I’m not sure there’s a way to avoid it. My boys are as much a part of me as my own limbs. They are an extension of who I am, each of them having already weaved their essence straight into my heart.
Rebel kisses my throat and whispers, “shhh” against my sensitive skin. The vibrations make me feel weird and tingly all over and I know I need to step away before this goes too far. Lately my relationships with each of the guys have escalated like this—secret kisses, cute notes and texts, late night video chats, and more one on one time with each of my favorite boys—and none of them have any idea about the others as far as I know.
I feel terrible and it’s too overwhelming. I don’t know what to do about it. I want to tell them everything but I can’t stand to lose them or their friendships. I’m afraid things are so far beyond that by now. I’m too scared to tell them that I've developed feelings and started up physical relationships with each of them. I might die from embarrassment if they know how I feel about all of them. Not to mention the media would massacre us all if it got out. I can see it now: The Rock Princess’ Indiscretions—Five for One.
Pushing away from him, I force myself to say something I don’t mean, for fear of losing all of them entirely. What we’re doing could destroy our friendships and I need those more than I want their kisses and promises of forever. One day they’d make me choose and I’ll never be able to—if they don’t all walk away from me for betraying them first.
“Stop Rebel. I don’t want you like that,” I lie. “This was nothing but a giant mistake,” I choke out the words that taste bitter on my tongue. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes at the hurt I see reflected back at me. I did that. I caused that pain. My stomach lurches as bile rises up my throat.
“I’m a mistake? You don’t want me?” he asks, looking broken and confused like he can’t figure out how we went from everything being perfect to everything falling apart in an instant.
“That’s what I said, right?” I gulp, defensively crossing my arms under my chest. I swallow thickly once more and look down to blink the tears away.
“Is it because you’ve been sneaking around with all the other guys too? You finally picked which one of us you want and it’s not me, is that it?” My head snaps back to look at him, shock enveloping me. He knows? Do they all know?
“Look, let’s just forget this ever happened, okay?” I ask, looking up into his hurt expression and trying like hell to ignore the fact that he knows I’ve been falling for Dex, Ezra, Phoenix, and Cyan too.
“Fine. I can get hotter pieces of ass anyway. Some girls at this school actually put out unlike our little Rock Princess,” he huffs, looking at me with so much anger written all over his face. His body is becoming rigid with tension.
“Fuck you Reb. I’m out!” I scream, yelling behind myself as I run away. I can’t deal with this. I made him hate me and I can’t even tell him the truth of it all. I wish I could just be honest and tell him that I love him more than anything. That I’d rather die than lose him. Well, him and his best friends…
I wish I had known that would be our last conversation. I would’ve changed so many things—handled it all differently. My mom had my bags packed and ready to go the minute I got home and I never even got to explain or even say goodbye. Not to any of them. None of it ever actually mattered because I’d lost them all anyway.
“Our pretty little Princess is all grown up. Lookin’ good Ains.” Rebel growls into my ear, snapping me out of my thoughts and thrusting me back into the present. And then he slaps my ass. Hard. It hurts so damn good that I practically melt into a puddle on the floor. Part of me feels embarrassed at how much I liked it and part of me feels like I deserve so much worse.
“What the fuck, Reb? Didn’t your nanny teach you any manners?” I growl back through clenched teeth, feigning indignance in a weak attempt to not show how turned on I am by the mere presence of these beautiful men.
“Guess not,” he says indifferently, rubbing his hand over the sore spot he just left, squeezing it gently and causing me to swallow a moan.
I get a little lost to the sensations he’s eliciting from my body, closing my eyes and holding my breath to escape from the power of their presence, if only for just a moment. Only it doesn’t work. I’m lured back to reality as my body sings in pleasure at the feel of Rebel’s teeth scraping along the skin of my neck as Cyan moves over to my other side and starts teasing my earlobe with his tongue.
What the actual fuck is happening right now?
The itch to run hits me hard, yet I’m stuck—rooted in place, transfixed by these men surrounding me.
Dexter moves towards me with all the grace of a dancer, all fluid motions and sexy swagger. When he gets to me he grabs me by the hips, tracing his hands up my waist just to the tops of my shorts before running his calloused fingertips up under the hem of my shirt and along my now sensitive skin. He croons softly with my music playing in the background, harmonizing perfectly as he sings my words back to me and everything clicks into place. We’ve been meant to be since the beginning of time. We’ve always been inevitable, blending together like the perfect notes in a song.
