It’s a few moments later when I feel the vibration of my phone in my pocket that I slow back down to a normal stride, realizing that it’s crazy to think of my old best friend stalking me or being… I don’t know, dangerous or something.
Unknown:Where are you?
AJ:Sorry, wrong number.
Unknown:Nah, Ainsley, I’ve got the right number and I’m looking for you.
What. The. Fuck.
Chapter Six
Ainsley James Dylan
Creepytextsaside,itdidn't look like Nix followed me, so when I got stopped by a few different people along the way, I didn’t think it would hurt to stop and chit chat. I try to be friendly to everyone and I’d hate to feel like I hurt someone’s feelings just because I couldn’t stop and say hello or catch up for a minute. Plus, there’s safety in numbers. Not that I think Pheonix or Ezra are dangerous, but there’s definitely something about how I feel when they are near me that scares the ever loving shit out of me.
I was wrong though. So damn wrong.
Not only did he follow me, but he beat me to the studio where I’m working on a track for my music production class. I’ve worked really hard on the composition for this piece and while no one knows that I’ve played every instrument and sang the vocals myself, I don’t need the distraction of what’s facing me right now.
I’m legitimately not strong enough to confront the past that I’ve longed for all these years. I can’t allow myself to get caught up in this because it’ll be just like before. Even right now as I’m staring all five of my childhood best friends in the face, I can feel myself yearning for them—getting lost in the energy they fill a room with. I want to suffocate in it, drown in it until I am only theirs. Meaning I’d ignore everything I’ve fought so hard to become. I’d let my responsibilities fall to the wayside because they’d be all I could see. It’s unhealthy and impossible. The way I felt for each of the boys—now men—standing before me isn’t normal. One woman. Five men. It could never be and I refuse to be heartbroken by the loss of them ever again.
Feelings like this will only lead to one place. Misery. Complete and total heartbreak. I can’t, no Iwon’tdo it again.
“You all need to leave,” I demand, forcing myself to be stronger than I feel. “I don’t know how youfoundme or what you want, but I have nothing to offer you. The girl you once knew is gone and I don’t intend to bring her back. I never had control over anything that happened when we were younger so if it’s closure you’re looking for, there it is. Now please leave and stop ambushing me.” I urge them to back off, staring them down with my most no nonsense tone.
It doesn’t seem to be working because they’re all just staring back, not even bothering with a response. They’re just watching me, no doubt waiting for me to inevitably give in and rush in for a group hug like we used to do when I was upset with them about something.
I look over the group of guys standing before me.They’ve all gotten so strong and tall. They’re more beautiful than a choir of angels—though obviously dark angels. Most of them are covered in tight clothes that showcase how much effort they put into their bodies. Some of them are decorated in tattoos, others in piercings. I notice every small change made on each of them, wishing I could’ve watched it happen.
The small scar at the top of Cyan’s cheekbone, just below his right eye—where did it come from? The hardness in Rebel’s eyes, where there used to be nothing but lightheartedness and unyielding joy. Phoenix looks cocky with a smirk on his face, like he wears it as a shield—so unlike the sweet boy I once knew. Ezra is guarded as well, but in the opposite way. The caring, empathetic boy I once knew is gone. In his place is the epitome of a ‘bad boy’ with a scowl fitted firmly across his handsome face.
It’s the moment that I reach Dexter’s face that almost does me in. He doesn’t wear a mask like the others. He never has. Forever the front man of the group, he allows people to see the truth of his very soul in all its broken glory. The damage and anger he carries reaches into me and takes hold, rooting itself so deeply that I just know, he’s never letting go again.
The pain that shines in his eyes as they meet mine, match perfectly with the melancholy melody that slips from his perfect mouth. “You don’t get to push us away again. You belong with us—tous. No matter how fast or far you run, we will always find you. The day you were gone from our lives was our darkest day and we’ve never recovered. You owe us and consequences be damned, youwillbe ours.”
The words themselves are crazy and possessive and shred my heart into a million pieces, but I take them in as if they are fuel to the raging fire of need within me. My emotions are all over the place from the need to protect myself from the inevitable when this all ends badly, to the desperation I feel for them to accept me back into the fold—to love me, care for me, and protect me like they once did.
I’m a walking bomb. My soul may as well be full of napalm and these men are a lit fuse. One second in their presence and they light me up like they’re using me against myself in a war for my heart.
I swear, I’m about to throw up.
“What—I mean, how am I meant to respond to that? Can’t you see that this is a bad idea?” I cringe at the trembling my body’s succumbing to as I fight the need to run straight into their arms to garner the comfort I know only they can provide.
“No, I don’t think it is. The way I see it, it’s our best idea yet. I meant what I said. You owe us after the way you left things between all of us. You almost broke everyone apart. We almost lost each other as much as we lost you. You’re lucky I’m even forgiving enough to want you back in my life after the shit you pulled. I can’t speak for the others, but I want you back and I want our band back together. You were the magic that made us go from good to great. Not only do I want it back, Ineedit back, and you’re going to make it happen,” Dex says, looking at me with so many emotions passing between us.
“I don’t sing anymore. I especially don’t play music for anyone. I refuse to become anything like my father so my answer is no,” I state emphatically, lifting my chin in defiance.
“Oh really?” Cyan asks. “Then who’s on this track? I’d bet big money that’s you playing the violin, piano, guitar, and drums. Not to mention the fact that anyone of us could place these vocals anywhere. This voice invades my dreams nightly,” he argues as he presses the play button on the sound board, making the haunting melody of my song come to life. My voice travels over us in a soft cry as I sing through the pain I carry each day—the heaviness I carry with me wherever I go.
I do not miss you. You’re missing from me.
Now I’m lost in an endless sea of longing and misery.
Doubts that plague my mind, without you by my side.
To love me for me, and not who I used to be.
One, two, three, four, five.
