Thank god I didn’t say it out loud.
Chapter Sixteen
Ainsley James Dylan
Dick,dick,dick.,doubledick, pierced entirely.
Why I’ve suddenly started thinking in my best Grinch voice, I have no idea. Peen is on the brain and that’s the voice that came to mind. It’s probably a sign that I need some sort of therapy, and I know a few off hand that are absolutely wonderful, but the last thing I need to do is run around saying I’ve developed a new fascination with penises. Peni? Maybe it’s just peen. Weens? Weenies… Wieners. Erections. Members—yuck, that’s like old cheesy romance novel dick. Pizzles? Eh, I’m pretty sure that’s animal dick…
Oh gosh, no more cock talk. Get it together AJ!
I have to physically stop from face palming myself. These guys broke my brain and I can’t handle basic life functions right now.
Drink please!
“You okay there, Ains?” Phoenix asks, amusement clear as day emanating from him. He laughs at my caught out expression and boy does that laugh do something crazy to my tummy. I feel like I’ve swallowed a swarm of butterflies. “C’mere,” he pulls me in close, smelling like heaven. “I got your back. No more embarrassing our girl, guys. It’s time to sing and remind Ainsley James Dylan what she’s missing.” I smile up at him, because I forgot how happy I could feel wrapped up in his arms. It’s everything I remember it to be and more.
Rebel rubs his hands together like he’s a giddy Disney villain, making my smile widen. “So, who’s up first? Are we doing a theme tonight?” He asks the group.
“A theme?” My nose scrunches as my confusion grows and Cyan runs a finger down the bridge of it, smoothing it out before ending with a little boop before he replies.
“Yeah, love. Tonight can be themed ‘Survival’ and it can be our way to explain our years apart, how we’ve been coping, what we’ve clung to to survive being separated, or even how we want to move forward.”
At this, my body tenses. Feelings through music is a sure fire way to break me. It seems like we’ve gone from wading in the shallows to swimming with the sharks and no lie, I’m freaking scared out of my mind.
“How about Phoenix and I go first?” Ezra offers. “We can duet the song since our epic downfall is essentially what brought us all back together. This can give you a small idea of what we’ve been going through without you.”
Fear. Terror. Mind numbing, nausea inducing, life altering anxiety burns through my veins so hot I’m surprised I’m not melting here where I sit. One of the many, many reasons I’ve avoided seeking these men out is because I was too scared to confront the ever growing years of mounting emotional depth. If they’ve experienced even half of the things I have, then I already know tonight is going to wreck me. Will I be better for it though? I’ve buried so much over the years to keep a surface level of peace. If they obliterate that, I’m fucked. I won’t be able to help anyone.
Robotically I nod at them and try to brace myself as best as I can against the onslaught of feels about to attack me from every direction.
Seeing a waitress, I give a small wave and she smiles, greeting us politely. “Hi, welcome toLegato. What can I get started for you?”
“What would you recommend for someone who needs a little liquid courage but doesn’t want to get smashed.”
“Who said Smash or Pass is off the table?” Rebel pouts, earning a ‘what the actual fuck is happening right now?’ look from me. He just smirks back, clearly pleased with my perplexity.
Apparently confusion’s going to be my most worn expression of the night. Instead of taking him seriously, I look to the woman in hopes that she’ll acknowledge me instead of Rebs. I need a drink before dealing with any more of his crazy.
“She’ll have a Watermelon Jolly Rancher, and the rest of us will all take club soda and Sprite, two more for the guys who just hit the stage please. Plus a pitcher of water with extra glasses,” Dexter requests, taking control of the situation. Then as an afterthought he orders more, surprising me even further. “Oh, and whatever appetizers you serve, one of each. Thank you.” He smiles sweetly, and I watch as the girl falls prey to his subtle charms.
He didn’t even do anything, yet her eyes get a little glossy and her lips part ever so slightly, her posture even changes a touch. It’s just enough to bring attention to the tasteful hint of cleavage she’s got on display. She is a beauty, no doubt about that. I can’t help but wonder if they’d be interested in her if I weren’t here. Hell, maybe they are. I look around at Dex, Cy, and Rebs and find them all watching me. Just like they always did before. I have to admit, it’s a powerful feeling.
Looking back at her, I offer a nod, letting her know I approve of his ordering for me. She stares at us all curiously for a second like she’s dying to ask what our deal is. Thankfully, she doesn’t because I don’t even know the answer to that right now.
“I’ll get your orders placed right away. My name is Kacey, if you need anything else,” she says, leaving me with the same polite smile she showed up with.
“Club soda and Sprite?” I ask to nobody in particular, no longer able to table my curiosity at their lack of desire to drink.
“We seldom partake in consuming substances of any kind.” Cyan replies swiftly, offering no further explanation. The formality of his statement throws me off a little, but the look in his eyes brooks no argument. That’s clearly all he has to say on the matter.
“Well, okay then. Should I not be drinking either?” I question. “I’m not asking for an explanation you’re not willing to give. I just don’t want to offend anyone if it can be avoided.”
“You’ll be fine, love.” Cyan says, relaxing a bit now that he knows I won’t push for answers. “Now watch the show,” he nods to the stage. It’s then I notice the guys don’t have the standard karaoke set up happening on the stage. Instead they’re sitting up there on stools with acoustic guitars in hand and microphone stands they’re adjusting to fit their needs.
I wonder if they planned all of this beforehand?
“Hey there, patrons ofLegatoand all around karaoke lovers! I know we’re switching things up on you a little bit, but we hope you love it,” Ezra speaks into his mic, his voice warming me over from the inside out. I’m still nervous, no doubt, but there’s no denying what his voice does to me. It’s up there with Dex’s.
