“God, Ellen.”
“... and it was time I had some lessons... to make some decent use of that body.” She said it as if her body no longer belonged to her. “He said I was a big disappointment, and I tried to tell him I wasn’t interested that night, but he said that I was just a tease, and he... got me pinned on the sofa, and he... was so different. He talked about... others, that he’d had to go to because I... wasn’t any good... and he ripped my pajamas!” she finished with mild surprise, as if she’d learned he didn’t like strawberries.
Ellen’s voice was getting quieter. “I mean, I don’t think I’d ever seen him angry. He was always so poised before. And I tried to stop him, I really did, but I suppose I didn’t try hard enough because I never really believed he would—
“But I was trapped, and he was so heavy and strong and before I could stop him he... pushed in—inside me—” Kane abruptly stood up. “But just once!” she hurried on, as if that made it better. “I got so mad, then, you’ve never... Well, maybe you have a bit... but I’ve never been so angry in my life. I suppose the pain... I punched him a lot harder than I did you. Got my nails in there too. When I got him off me, I used a pair of heels I had on the floor to get him in the crotch. He said he couldn’t sleep for a week for all the pain I caused him.”
“You caused him?” Kane half-turned to her, then turned back. A fire burned in his chest; if he looked at her face now, he’d throw something. “He had the—he dared to talk to you again after that?”
“Oh, yes,” she said, as if it was normal. “I told you, his mother and mine were best friends. I think it was his way of paying me back. He didn’t want me anymore either, but he wasn’t going to make it easy for me to leave.”
“But what about the police?”
“What would I tell them? He was the one with all the injuries—”
“Not all of them, Ellen, for fuck’s sake.” He folded back down onto the couch and took her into his arms.
She held herself stiffly at first but didn’t pull away, and after a few moments, she let out a long breath. He felt her tears on his neck. He held her as close as he could, moving her legs so they crossed his, and rocked her a little. When she started crying harder, he kept on rocking.
He’d figured it had to be something like this that had held her frozen for so long, but having it confirmed like this—in such a matter-of-fact voice—brought tears to his own eyes.
All the years that this had been in her, like a cancer, spreading into every aspect of her life and infecting every interaction she had. Every friendly compliment, every eye contact that went on too long, every genuine attempt to get to know her better, every chance for her to let out some of that passion, strangled at its base.
When she’d calmed a little, and with his face hidden in her hair, he said, “So no one knew? What happened when you said you were leaving?”
“I just told everyone we’d broken up, that I was going to be transferred.” She gave a shaky laugh of derision. “My mother and Edward’s were extremely vociferous in their disappointment.” The grim memory of that time was clearly fresh. “But I didn’t care what Edward told his mother. I just knew I had to get away from him. I knew they’d never stop inviting him to our house unless I told them... and there was no way I could talk to my parents about it. Or Adam; he has a vile temper when he’s pushed too far. I really think he might have killed Edward if he knew.”
Kane agreed completely. The thought of any one of his sisters going through this...
“I asked for the transfer, and here I am.”
“But you brought him with you.”
“Guess so.” She gave another shuddering breath, this time of release.
They sat silently, arms wrapped around each other, for a long while. Then he said, “I don’t really have the words for this. Carl’s the one with the background in helping trauma victims. And I know you’re downplaying it because that’s what you would do, to try not to make a fuss. But...” He pulled away to make sure she was looking at him. “Don’t ever excuse him, Ellen. Ever again. He deserved prison. And an ass-kicking. If I name what he did to you, I’m going to punch a hole in your wall, but don’t ever downplay it to yourself. If I ever get in the same room as him, he’ll be going out a window, and I don’t care whose mother is watching.”
She was crying and laughing at the same time.
They sat quietly until she was calm again. Finally, she lifted her head, her hands at her mouth. “I kneed you in the groin,” she said through them, in an awed whisper.
“Yep.” He smiled. Yeah, sure you can smile about it now. “Right in the plums.”
“And you’re still here.” Her eyes were wide above her fingers.
He shrugged, trying to make light of it. He was very afraid he knew exactly why he was still here. “Someone promised me a meal.”
“Oh!” She jumped off his lap and walked over to the kitchen.
“I was joking,” he said feebly, but now that he thought about it, he was starving. He hadn’t eaten since lunch, and it had to be around ten o’clock.
She gave him a bowl of beef and beer stew she’d had ready in a crockpot. Kane took the bowl but held her hand so she was stuck leaning awkwardly over him. “You know what I need more than this?” he asked.
Ellen looked wary again. “What?”
“An ice-pack.”
“Oh! Oh, jeez, Kane, I am sorry.”
