Page 37 of Boss of My Panties


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Still, somehow, all of this came as such a shock.

I stare at the ceiling in utter disbelief.

“This can’t be happening,” I mutter to myself, hoping to wake up from this nightmare, but it doesn’t happen.

“How could he do that to me?” I ask the silence, but there’s still no response.

I didn’t do a damn thing to him. Yet he shot that heavenly load into me and then ended it all?

Why? Damnit, why?

Desperate for someone to talk to, I call my mom.

Ring… ring… ring…

“Come on… answer…” I beg into the receiver. “Come through this one time, please, Meredith. Just this once.”

Click.

“Hello?” comes my mom’s voice.

A sense of relief washes over me and I burble a bit.

“Mom!”

“Honey?” she asks.

I choke back my sobs.

“Everything okay?”

I clench my fists and steady myself. “Fine. Just fine.”

“Good.”

“Anyway, are you ready to come to Los Angeles?”

There’s a pregnant pause. Uh oh. I’ve known Meredith my whole life, and this isn’t going to be good.

“Mom?” I ask with a quaver to my voice.

“Oh, honey, did I forget to tell you?” she asks with fake cheer.

“Tell me what?” I ask, gripping the phone a little harder and starting to get nervous. “Tell me what, mom?”

“Well…” Just then, I hear the sound of a door opening. It’s the front door to my old home, and I can tell because the hinges are notoriously squeaky.

“Mom, is someone there with you? That wasn’t you leaving the house, was it?”

Meredith giggles like a teenage girl.

“No, I’m not leaving. That, baby, is my new man coming inside. Hi, honey,” she greets the intruder.

“New man?” I repeat dumbly. “What are you talking about? I thought you weren’t looking for a relationship. You know, you’re through with men, and all that good stuff.”

She brushes it off.

“I know, but it’s funny how life works sometimes.”

“Please explain,” I manage through clenched jaws. The words feel like a boulder in my throat. I don’t want to have this conversation. I don’t want to fathom that my mom has found someone, and yet here I am, abandoned by the one guy I’ve ever trusted with my love. I haven’t needed her much in my life, but now, when I’m at my most vulnerable, Meredith’s out gallivanting with some random man she just met. I want to shoot myself.

Meanwhile, Meredith continues in a breezy voice.

“Well, you see, with all of the money you’ve been sending my way Katie Kat, I’ve been able to clean up my act. I mean it. I went to AA and everything. Been sober practically since you left.”

I want to feel happy for her, but a numbness is creeping through my body. My mouth tastes bitter. This is like a slap in the face.

“At one point, I went out and bought some nice clothes, and got my hair done. Geez, was I looking like a rat’s nest,” she giggles a bit. But then her voice gets serious. “I even took myself to church one Sunday, and that’s where I met Tony.”

“Tony?” The word falls out of my mouth like a rock.

“Mm-hmm,” Meredith hums. “It’s fated before the eyes of the Lord himself.”

“Hun, what would you like for dinner?” I hear a gruff voice ask my mom in the background.

That must be him. He’s cooking her dinner, and unbidden, my mind goes back to the multiple times Bruce grilled for me. He was so considerate, making veggies in addition to the usual steak. The food had been so tasty, not to mention what I showed him later that night as a special thank you. Oh god, no. Why am I still thinking about that bastard? I should be pushing him out of my mind.

It’s because you love him, the voice in my head tells me.

Yeah, but he doesn’t love me, I shoot back.

My mother mumbles something into the receiver. I’m not sure what it is, but I half-smile and mumble right back.

“It’s okay,” I answer numbly. “I’ll be okay out here.”

“Anyways, like I was saying, when I went to church, I met Tony. He’s a nice man. The first nice man I’ve ever met! Truly. And I know this might sound crazy, but we’ve fallen in love. I swear!” Meredith pauses. I can almost see the giddy look on her face, like a teenager high on Pop Rocks. My stomach tightens, and I think I’m going to be sick. “And listen to this, Katie Kat, he’s asked me to move in with him. Isn’t that great?”

I bite my tongue to keep back the nausea. I gulp and wet my lips.

“Yeah, that sounds great,” I say in a tinny voice. But then I straighten up.

“But Mom, you just met this guy. You can’t pick up and move in just like that. Keep your wits about you.”

Meredith pooh-poohs my warning.

“Oh Katie, you’ve been out in Los Angeles for so long now, you’ve lost sight of what small town life is like. No one here is a user, the way they are in big cities. Besides, I met Tony in church! He’s a man of the faith, and I can see us together forever,” she proclaims proudly.