Part of me still expects the kids to come barreling through the door to interrupt this nice moment, but they won’t. We have the rest of tonight and part of tomorrow without that and then it’s back to normalcy, back to the kids coming before us.
“We should prioritize date nights. You’ve been wanting to for a while and I’ve always said no because we don’t have a sitter, but I think it’s time we found one.” I look at my fingers where they rest on the bed and are drumming lightly. The idea makes me a little anxious.
Trent closes his hand over mine to calm the nervous habit. “I think that’s a great idea. And we can find a sitter, you know enough moms through the PTA to find somebody.”
“That, or we could just ask Becca. She’s offered a million times, and she loves the kids. I called this morning, and they were all having an amazing time. Kendall was just over the moon about the whole thing. I think it’d be good for them also to have a little time away from us. Or at least from me.”
“Leslie—”
I hold up my hand to stop him. “It’s not self-deprecating. We’re together almost every hour of the day. The only time we’re not is when they’re at school or an activity, but otherwise, we’re together. There’s the few hours before you get home from work and then Charlie just needing me for bedtime still. I think it’d be beneficial forallof us if we weren’t together all the time.”
He nods slowly as his lips press into a straight line. “I guess I can see where you’re coming from. I don’t want you doubting yourself as a mother anymore though. There are few things I hate more than that. And one of them is you doubting yourself as a wife. I know you grew up with this whole need to be perfect, but you don’t need to do anything to impress us. We love you and think you’re perfect, no matter what you do or don’t do because you’re ours.”
I let his words sink in and they warm me from the inside out. “Are you serious about being okay with me not doing PTA or class mom anymore?”
“Of course I am. I want you happy and those things donotmake you happy. Sure they aid in the perfection aspect that you strive for, how I don’t know exactly, but they do. But I don’t care about how you perceive yourself because I’ll spend every day proving to you and showing you how perfect you already were and already are without those things. And without you being taken away from us to perform mundane tasks.” He runs his hand down my arm and links his fingers with mine.
Leaning forward, I brush my lips against his. “Thank you. For your words tonight and last night and this weekend. You’ve honestly opened my eyes to a lot, including the fact that the perfection thing is something I put on myself. Because you were right, nobody here cared. And some were quite impressed with what I do and the kids and all that. So again, you were right.”
“God I never get tired of hearing you say that.” He laughs lightly and kisses my forehead. “I’m glad you had a good time though. I did too. And it was needed. I almost don’t want to waste time sleeping tonight since we’ll be home again tomorrow.”
“I know the feeling.”
“It’s been hard between us lately. It hurts when you shrug me off. I thought you weren’t in love with me anymore.” His words slice through me and bury deep in my heart. I almost wince at the pain.
“I’m sorry. It’s hard being on your game all the time and then the tiny hands all over me and so many things falling on my shoulders and for me to remember. I just get burnt out by the end of the day.”
“But we’re supposed to be able to lean on each other. I don’t always want sex, Les. I can understand being burnt out and having to turn on the sexy. But sometimes I just want to snuggle. Or make out like teenagers. Really, I just want to be with you and when you turn me away it makes me feel like you don’t want to be with me. In any capacity.” Could he make me feel any worse? I know he’s not guilt tripping me or trying to make me feel bad, but hearing how hurt he is breaks me.
“I’m so sorry, Trent. Please know that I always love you and want to be with you too. It’s just that things get overwhelming at times, and I need me time to decompress. I’ll pay more mind to doing that with you because it’d be nice to make out or just watch a show together. Or even just be in the same room with you. You calm me.” He always has, even just his presence near me.
He kisses my forehead and runs his fingertips through my hair and down my back. “I love you. And you love me. That’s all that matters.”
I nod and curl into his chest. It’s warm and safe here.
It always has been.
Chapter 29
Six Months Later
Thenewschoolyearis a few months underway, and I feel better than I have about school in years. I’m not class mom for any child except Charlie because he’s still in preschool.
I stayed on the PTA. To me, it’s important to have a say in what happens in and around my children’s school and where money is spent. I want to have a say in it being spent wisely and on necessary items as opposed to frivolous things.
Plus, I don’t mind the PTA and our meetings.
The girls don’t seem to mind that I’m not their class mom this year. They’re far more excited to see me after a fun day and be able to tell me all the exciting things they did that day as opposed to me already knowing because I was there. The most recent example is their Thanksgiving Day celebrations. I knew what sorts of goodies their teachers were asking for, but nothing about the parties, and they both came home filled to the brim with stories they couldn’t wait to tell me.
Fewer requirements of my time have allowed me to keep the house neater, which is a standard of my own that I’ve set. I feel less stressed when things are put away, the laundry is folded, and the dishes are done. It makes the house feel homier too.
Trent and I have followed through with our goal to have more date nights. We go once every other week, hiring a babysitter I found through the PTA or relying on Becca. Both make the kids equally as excited, and they can’t wait for our date nights. Every now and again we even let them have a sleepover at Becca’s as part of date night, giving us the entire night and next morning alone.
It’s made our relationship both stronger and better. We’re happier than we’ve been in years, and when he flirts with me, I don’t shy away anymore. Or duck away from his advances.
In fact, recently he came home, made a move, and we ended up having sex in the kitchen with me bent over the counter while I watched the kids play outside from the window. It was quick, dirty, and the knowledge the kids could walk in any second was a little exhilarating.
While I’ve always known there’s something undeniably sexy about my husband, I find myself appreciating it ten times as much these days.
