“I’m not admitting to anything.” She could feel her face heat up all over again, this time from embarrassment. She nestled her face into his chest so he wouldn’t see her expression, and he laughed softly, his gentle fingers tousling through her hair.
A quite lull fell over them. The rain continued to pour incessantly; Biyu wondered, briefly, how long it would last. But she found that she didn’t mind if it took all night. She wanted to prolong this moment. The feel of his arms, his hard body againsthers, their mingled breath, the moonlight flooding the both of them. She wanted it to never end.
Her eyelids shut and she listened to the steady rhythm of his heart. It beat in tune to her own. He twirled her hair between his fingers, and then ran his thumb gently over her hips. The peace was so quiet, even as emotions warred within her, because she had done a grave betrayal to him when she had handed Yat-sen the spell that would undo all of this. The guilt weighed her down, even as she knew that she was doing the right thing—with her loyalties and with him. But it didn’t change that she wanted to remain here in his arms as long as possible.
Nikator kissed the top of her head. It was so soft she almost missed it. When she peeked up at him, he was peering down at her with such possessiveness that it made her warm all over again.
He wouldn’t look at you like that if he knew what you’d done, a voice murmured in the back of her mind.
She was realizing, slowly and with mounting horror, that she was falling for him.
Biyu closed her eyes and tried to forget everything. To live in this moment. Her chest felt too tight, breathing felt too much like a chore, and there was a hollowness within her. Like someone had carved out her innards. Particularly, her heart.
26
Despite Biyu’s prior insistence—inher own mind—that she would only be with Nikator that one and only night, that idea didn’t come to fruition. With Yat-sen’s plan pending while he scrambled to get things in order, Biyu couldn’t get enough of Nikator. For the next week, at least twice, or three times, they spent their time tangled in bed sheets every day. Moaning and whispering each other’s names. The nights were the longest; they explored each other’s bodies tenderly, feverishly, slowly, quickly—whatever the mood was.
She knew that these moments would only last until it was time to break the wards, so she made sure to use them wisely. That just meant more time being in his embrace.
He was her enemy, but her lover too.
And she hated what she was going to do. How she would break them both. How these tender moments were limited.
Biyu’s nails dug into his shoulders, a gasp pulling from her parted lips as she reached the apex of her desire. Her limbs spasmed, her head dropped back and she whimpered. Wave after wave hit her, until she fell over the peak.
Nikator groaned and fell on top of her, his breathing heavy and sweat drenching his forehead. She wrapped her handsaround his back and inhaled his sweet scent. She was becoming used to being like this—bare, sweaty, vulnerable.
The candlelight flickered in her dark bedchambers. The sheets rustled as he propped himself up above her, smiling lazily as he caught her mouth in a gentle kiss. He then flopped down beside her. They were a tangle of limbs. He wrapped one strong arm around her midsection and yanked her flush against him, spooning her.
“If you keep enticing me like this, neither of us will ever sleep,” he said into her hair, inhaling her scent.
“I’m not enticing you.” Biyu sighed. “Youkeep coming ontome. Most of the time I don’t even do anything!”
“I can’t resist when you always look so … appetizing.” He nipped her ear, which earned a giggle from her. She elbowed his ribs playfully, and she felt his body quake with silent laughter behind her.
It was surprisingly nice being like this. Mischievous. Lighthearted.Peaceful.
It hurt more when she realized she would be ruining it all.
Nikator begrudgingly detangled himself from her and crossed the room to where her wash basin was. She admired the strong muscles cording his back, stretching over his impressive frame. When he returned, he had a washcloth in one hand. He slid it over her thighs, cleaning her gently, before returning it to where he took it. He also took the time to pull on some loose pants.
“Do you want your robes?” He motioned to the crumpled heap by his feet.
She nodded. She still wasn’t used to falling asleep completely naked; although her temperature always ran a tad high, she wasn’t accustomed to the feel of nothing between her but the sheets and blanket. Once she had tied the front of her innerrobes loosely, they both resumed their positions, her curled back pressed against his bare chest and his arm around her stomach.
His hand crept up her stomach toward her breasts. She giggled and swatted him away. “Keep this up and neither of us will ever sleep.”
“I don’t mind that at all.”
Biyu’s body trembled from laughter and after a moment, a lull fell over them. Her eyes began to drift shut.
“I’m going to be leaving soon.” He sighed against her neck, and all the hairs rose as those words registered to her. Sleep evaded her.
Leaving. As in the palace? Or as her guard? Or …?
Biyu twisted around until they were facing each other. “What do you mean you’ll be leaving?”
“Commander Bohai has a mission for me.” He cupped her face and dragged his thumb across the unexpected tears that threatened to spill. She blinked them away, her lower lip trembling. She didn’t mean to cry at the mere thought of him leaving, but an overwhelming sadness crashed into her as she was faced with reality—that they both were on opposite sides. His mouth curled. “Are you crying for me, princess?”
