Night fell over their camp and Biyu curled up in her bedroll like she had done the past few days. Trying to talk to Nikator went nowhere, so she stewed in silence, tears wetting her cheeks and hair. She hated this. The way her life had turned out. The fact that she couldn’t love him. The fact that she couldn’t choose to be with him.
Her body trembled, and it wasn’t from the cold.
She imagined what their life could have been like. They could live in Sanguis—Nikator knew the language well, since it was his native tongue. He could find a job doing something warrior-related, or maybe he would use his powerful body for some labor work, or maybe … mercenary work. She didn’t really know and that small detail didn’t matter anyway. He would be working to provide for them, and she would stay home to watch their horde of children—because yes, she wanted many babies with him. She would have to learn how to cook, tend to a home, and take care of their children. She had thought the scenario over and over inher mind, and she decided that being home with her family was something she would enjoy more than the alternative.
They would raise their children together, spending each day in a cozy, small home. They’d live on the outskirt of a city or village, with the forest enveloping their house and with laughter carrying over their walls. All of their kids would be a mix of them both. Some with red hair, others with black, some with blue eyes and other with dark ones. Some who were tall, others who were short.
She already knew that Nikator would make a great father. She wasn’t entirely sure about her own skills as a mother, but she was sure she could somehow manage. And when their kids were old enough to leave their home, they would live together as a couple, happily, and maybe travel a bit. Or … or maybe they’d travel the country the entirety of their lives together. Maybe they’d take their family with them everywhere.
Maybe—
Those dreams were snuffed out as reality sank in. No matter how much she thought up these random scenarios, they were never going to come to fruition. She would likely be alone for the rest of her life. She couldn’t imagine falling in love again, and she certainly couldn’t imagine being with another man.
More tears streamed down her cheeks and she squeezed her eyes shut. Crickets chirped in the dead of the night and the forest continued to breathe and sigh—powerful winds shuddering over gnarled branches. The fire sputtered and waned.
She would be alone.
No cozy home.
No horde of laughing children.
No adventures.
No love.
Nothing but loneliness in a country that wasn’t hers. Her heart would forever be trapped in the Huo empire within the grasp of a man who thought she deservedbetter.
She was tired of crying, crying, and crying, with no solution. No way out of it. She was tired of having to explain herself over and over to no avail. Why couldn’t he understand that she was capable of making her own decision? That she had decided that she liked life better with him? That she had the choice to leave, but she had decided to stay with him when he needed her? What more could she do?
Biyu pushed herself into a sitting position and peered over at him a few feet away from her, across the fire. He was lying in his bedroll, the blanket pulled up, but his gaze was set on the moon bright in the starless sky.
“What was your life like before?” The question came out without preamble, without much thought. Her voice was dull and sad. “Before Muyang.”
He glanced over at her, sharp eyes appearing almost silvery-violet against the orange glow of the fire. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“No.” He slowly sat up straight, the blanket falling around his lap. “I remember my mother’s voice. I think … I had siblings, because I remember a baby crying. I remember others. But it’s all a blur.”
She blinked at him. She didn’t know anything about his childhood. “Muyang took you from your family?”
He sighed. “No.”
“Then?”
“I’m originally from Lebel.”
Lebel was on the opposite side of the continent; she didn’t know much about the country, other than it was mostly tribal, that they raided nearby countries, and that their warriors were vicious. The Huo empire rarely ever interacted with Lebel, sincethe distance was so great, so the literatures she had read about it were outdated and she had no idea how much of it was fabricated, exaggerated or simply incorrect.
Biyu drew her knees to her chest. “How did you end up in Sanguis?”
She didn’t know why she was asking these questions; it was irrelevant, especially if they were going to separate soon. But a part of her needed to know these details about him so she could understand better.
“I don’t know how old I was, anywhere between six and nine, I think, but my village was attacked. Many people ran, screaming. I remember that much. My mother tried to take us all—” His eyebrows furrowed together in what she could only describe as a mix between confusion and irritation, like he was trying to remember the details but they were failing him. “Somehow I was the only one taken. A lot of my life is a blur; I think it’s a response to the trauma.” He lifted his shoulders, exhaling deeply. “I was sold at the slave market in Sanguis. I remember the flesh-trader telling others that I would fetch a high price because of my red hair. People don’t typically have that hair color, apparently, and they thought it was fascinating. Most people from Lebel, I think, have reddish hair, pale blonde, or some sort of mix. In the end, I was sold to an arena. There, I met the rest of the Peccata members. We were all sold at around the same time and were to be used similarly.”
Her breath caught in her throat. She had no idea he and the others had gone through something as horrible as that. There was no slavery in the Huo empire, but Sanguis and the other countries still practiced it. Even some rural parts of Huo practiced some form of it. Legally, though, it was outlawed.
“We were meant to be entertainment for the beasts.” He spat it out like a curse, his disgust barely concealed. “Fodder, essentially. The crowds thirsted for bloodshed, and what betterentertainment than seeingchildrenripped to shreds? The slaver mocked us that we had a fighting chance, since there were two demon spawns with us. He was referring to Remus, who’s half-demon, andme.”
