“Get dressed. Let’s go outside to talk.”
He jerked up to his feet, walked over to the door and hung there for a moment, his rigid back turned to her. She quickly slipped out of the bath, dried herself off, and threw on the dress she had picked out. She didn’t bother wrapping her hair into a bun, or doing it intricately. She let it hang over her shoulders, where it dampened her clothes.
“I’m dressed.”
He nodded stiffly and yanked the door open. The cool evening air wafted within the stuffy room and he walked through it without waiting for her. Biyu sighed and followed behind him until they were out on the street. They slowly made their waydown the narrow streets of the village. The night enveloped them in inky shadows, repelled only by the silvery sheen of moonlight.
“Nikator.” She hugged her elbows to her slight frame, gaze drifting to a blood splatter against one of the houses. “What did you mean in there?”
A cold breeze shifted over them. He paused and glanced over his shoulder at her. His eyes blazed with life, with something dark.
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot, about our roles in all of this.” He turned so he was now fully facing her. “You were only with me because you had no other option. You’re a beautiful woman with a kind heart. I, on the other hand, am a tool for destruction. My whole life has prepared me to be a monster, princess. But you … you were always meant to be more than that. You deserve to be free. To truly witness the world. You deserve more than to be chained to me. I am just another form of punishment, another form of imprisonment, for you.”
She was already shaking her head, her hands fisting. “No, you’re not. You’re more than that?—”
“You’re confusing infatuation with … withlove. Of course you think you love me. You had nobody else to talk to, no other man to spend time with you, to say sweet words to you. You clung to that. We never had equal footing—how could we, when you were a prisoner and I was not? It’s not fair for you to be stuck with me.” He raked a hand through his hair, pain shuddering through the bond and searing her chest. She approached him, her hand raised, but he stepped back so there was still a distance between them. She fell short a few feet away, his rejection burning.
He continued, “You’re right. I did you wrong. I should have done more for you without you having to ask. I should have been the first to break your chains. You were not wrong for wanting more out of life than imprisonment.”
“Nikator—”
“I’m a wicked man, princess. I should have been the first to break your chains and instead I … I tightened them and tossed the key. For that, I am truly sorry.”
This time, he didn’t bar his emotions from her, and she could feel the full force of them through the bond. Pain, rage, sadness—all of it was wrapped around one another, mingling and surging. He was speaking the truth; he truly did think he was undeserving of her.
“Nikator, that’s not true. I love you?—”
“I never planned on sending you back to Muyang.” He pulled out a folded piece of parchment and held it out to her. “The plan was to send you away to another country. Vita was going to assist you and get you settled in somewhere. You’d be in hiding for the rest of your life, but that’s the only option, considering you betrayed Muyang. Even if he wants to forgive you, he can’t. It’ll ruin his image. Make him look weak. So he has no choice but to kill you.”
Confusion made her eyebrows pull together and she took the paper from him with trembling hands. It was a note from Vita, outlining the steps he needed to take to get to the border between Huo and Sanguis. Her heart thundered in her ears, blood rushing. He was planning on smuggling her out of the country.
“Why—” Her throat tightened and she looked up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He winced. “It’s pathetic of me, but your betrayal hurt.”
Her throat constricted and her mind rewound to all the moments she had flung insults at him for being horrible enough to send her to Muyang, for not doing enough for her—when this entire time, he had been planning on helping her. When he had planned to go against the man he was loyal to.For her.
“Why are you telling me this now?” she whispered. “And why would Vita help me? She doesn’t like me and she … she knows I betrayed Muyang.”
“She’s my sister.” He said it like it was so simple, and yet she could see the strain written all over his face. “She knows you’re important to me, so she was willing to help, even if it means going against what Muyang wants.”
“Nikator, why—” Tears welled in her eyes. He hadn’t been planning on sending her to the emperor for her execution. He cared for her. The broken pieces of her heart began stitching back together, but there was a heaviness there that weighed them down to her belly. “Why are you telling me this now? You should have told me from the beginning.”
“You stayed with me when you didn’t have to. You … deserve to know what will happen next. Where we’ll go. You deserve to have the choice to leave if you want to make your own path. I don’t want you to be a prisoner anymore.”
“Come with me,” she said quietly.
He was already shaking his head. “I told you already; you deserve better.”
“Don’t tell me that!” She balled her hands together and a cool gust of air blew over them. Like nature itself agreed with her. “You don’t get to tell me what I do or don’t deserve. You can’t—you can’t tell me that you’re undeserving of me. I am not a child who can’t see that you’re perfect for me.”
The sad look in his eyes remained. “Princess, you can’t think properly because you’ve been stuck in the same prison for years. When you go out in the world and start living your life, you’ll reframe things and see everything differently. The bond we share is … it’s not healthy.”
“No,no.” Biyu hated his words; how could what they shared be anything but beautiful? She’d been a prisoner in her home, but she was more than capable of understanding who was goodfor her and who wasn’t. She loved him; why couldn’t he simply believe that? Why didn’t he believe that love could be enough for them? That they could experience life together and figure things out? “We can go to Sanguis together. We can … We can be together, Nik. Iloveyou. We can make it work!”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t go with you. I have a place in the palace, and … I know that you need to live, princess. You need to experience things. Your perspective will change with time and you’ll eventually see that this is the right decision.”
“That’s not true!” she snapped, tears welling up. She tried blinking them away, but the chill of the night only made her eyes sting even more. “Don’t condescend to me that I don’t know what I want, or that you know better what’s in my heart.Youare my heart, Nik.Youare the one I want to be with.”
