The crease gets deeper as he gnaws on his bottom lip, and just as I’m about to take that as confirmation this is a bad idea he lifts a casual shoulder and blurts, “Fuck it. They were gonna find out sooner or later.”
“You could still deny it, if I walk out right now.”
“So could you,” he retorts. “I know you don’t want people to know you’re sleeping with me.”
“I don’t want people to know who I sleep with, period. It has nothing to do with you or the fact you’re a man. I don’t get the impression you can say the same.”
“I’m not trying to deny this.” Axel’s head shifts slowly back and forth, as if he’s talking to a skittish animal. He’s not far off given my slightly unhinged emotions. “I’d just like to understand it better before I say anything.”
I kick my boots off while holding his stare. “You like dick, what’s to understand?”
Axel inhales deeply, the kind of inhale you take before giving a confession, leaving me two choices; run away before he can say something I’m not ready to hear, or shut him up. Since I’m still not in the mood to be alone, I go with the latter.
Climbing on the bed, I crawl toward him on all fours, like I’m stalking my prey. He watches me move closer from under hoodedeyes, and when his breathing hitches, I know I’ve successfully erased whatever words he was getting ready to say.
Straddling him, I lower myself to his lap, and though I’m still in my skirt there’s only a thin layer of lace underneath it, which does little to contain the bulge pressing against his. I tentatively rock my hips, pulling a strangled moan from his throat, and Axel’s head tips back as his eyes flutter. “Fuck, that’s nice.”
“I thought you’d say that.” I repeat the motion, dragging a fingertip down his chest.
His hands find my hips as his Adam’s apple bobs on a thick swallow. “You know I’m always game, but is this what you really want? You said this was gonna be a rough day.”
“It was. That’s why I need this.” I rub against the firmness beneath me, straining to feel him right where I want it most.
“Need it, orwantit?” His hands contract around my waist, holding me in place.
I open my mouth to respond, though nothing comes out. It was all so clear on the way over, but now that I’m here, straddled atop him, my reasons seem flawed.
Cheap.
And selfish.
How do I explain the urge to fuck away my feelings without hurting his, or revealing that my own are starting to get murky where he’s concerned? How do I tell the difference between need and want? How do I trust my head, or my heart, when both feel broken?
It’s all so confusing, which is why I just want to lose myself to my desire. I don’t want to think, just feel.
Axel’s gaze holds mine as questions flood my mind, though he never pushes me to speak. Never presses me for an answer. And somehow,with his silence, I know that he doesn’t just understand my chaos, he accepts it.
“Okay.” He sits up just long enough to rip his shirt over his head, revealing the washboard abs I find so sexy. And distracting. “Use me.”
“Use you?” I repeat, unsure I heard correctly.
“Fuck yourself on my cock, Lennon. Take what you need.” He pulls my shirt off before reaching for his boxers, freeing the cock that’s already full and hard. Wrapping his hand around it, he gives it a long, slow tug. “It’s yours, Lennon. Take it.”
My hole clenches at the sight of him stroking his dick. This is exactly what I wanted.Needed. And so much more than I have a right to ask for, considering the nature of our arrangement and my muddled feelings. That doesn’t stop me from shoving my skirt off while he reaches for supplies.
Freed of my clothes, I hold my palm out for Axel to fill it with lube, then close my fist around his shaft and pump, enjoying the way his steel length feels in my hand. Though I love cock, I don’t get it often, and I want to savor the weight of another man’s dick in my fist since there’s no telling when I might feel it again.
Up, down, up. I alternate between a light touch and a firm grip, appreciating how the different pressure plumps and stretches the skin of his crown. And how his abs contract with the effort of trying to keep his dick from chasing my fist.
Imagining how good this feels for him, which isn’t a stretch since I’ve had my own cock fondled this way before, I have a sudden, vivid memory of him saying he wants to try frotting. Shoving my briefs under my cock, I take us both in my fist and start stroking. It’s not the same as grinding myself on top of him, but it’s no less sexy to see both our dicks pressed together as my hand glides over them.
“Jesus, that’s a sexy view.” Axel bites his lip to stifle a groan. “I didn’t think it could get any better than watching my dick sink into your ass, but this… Holy shit.”
“I figured that filthy mind of yours would appreciate this visual.” I loosen my grip enough that I can drag my tip along the underside of his cock and back.
“Don’t pretend you don’t love it,” he groans, swiveling his hips to maximize the pressure on his cock. “Your slit is leaking just as much as mine.”
Biting my lip, I swipe my thumb over our crowns to mix our precum, spreading it all over us. “Seeingandfeeling how hard I can make you… Of course I love it. Now toss me a condom so I can take what I want.”
