"Why did you not say so earlier?" Ambrose asked, offering her his arm. "I am sure it will be much cooler in the corridor, Miss Jamieson. Allow me to escort you there."
Fairfax stood aside to let them pass. He almost laughed aloud. How could a young lady convey such bare-teethed fury while smiling all the while and thanking a thick-skulled admirer for his thoughtfulness? Somehow Miss Jamieson managed it. He turned to Jane while Prudence and one of the young men engagedSedgeworthin conversation.
"Miss Matthews," he said, "would you like to take a turn in the corridor too before the play resumes?With your aunt's permission, of course."
Lady Jamieson tittered. "Oh, Jane does not need my permission, Lord Fairfax," she assured him, "though it is very courteous of you to ask. She is of age."
Jane got to her feet, her eyes on a level with hisneckcloth. She looked very pale. Did she believe that he was about to withdraw his offer?hewondered. He noticed how slim and well-manicured her hand was when she laid it on his arm.
They did not speak for a few minutes after they left the box, beyond an exchange of comments on the coolness of the corridor in comparison with the theater and on the surprising fact that the corridor was not more crowded. Fairfax wished to give her a chance to regain her composure. Not that she was outwardly disturbed. But she still looked unnaturally pale.
"Have you given any more thought to what I asked you yesterday?" he said at last.
"Yes, my lord," she replied without looking up at him.
"I must confess that I have thought of little else," he said. "Perhaps it is unfair of me to give you so little time to consider. But I am eager to marry and return home and resume normal life again. My children need me there, I believe, not enjoying myself here. They need both of us, in fact. Will you give me your answer, Miss Matthews?"
"I am greatly honored," she said quietly, her eyes on the floor ahead of them.
Good God, Fairfax thought, his eyes flying to her face, was she about to refuse him?
"But I am afraid I must say no," she finished, her voice shaking over the last few words.
He stared at her in stunned silence for a few seconds. "I see," he said at last. But he did not see at all. "Might I be permitted to ask why?"
She swallowed noticeably and glanced quickly at him before staring ahead at the floor again. "I think we would not suit," she said.
"But why not?" he was startled into asking. "I thought we had a great deal in common, Miss Matthews."
"Perhaps we do," she said lamely.
He should let the matter drop. Good manners dictated that he accept her refusal with good grace. And she was very obviously ill-at-ease, if not, indeed, quite distressed. But he could not believe his ears. It had never once occurred to him that she might refuse him. Why would a not-too-beautiful, not-too-popular spinster in her twenties refuse an offer of marriage to someone of his position and wealth? He had always believed that marriage was the one main goal of a female's life.
"Why then?" he persisted, bending his head a little closer to hers and looking directly at her.
She swallowed again.
"I am a person," she said very quietly and intensely. "I am Jane Matthews, my lord. There is only one of me. I am unique. To you I may appear to be no different from hundreds of other drab, aging females. But I am a person, not a commodity, not a footstool. Perhaps you do need a woman to look after your home and your children and to provide you with an heir. Perhaps I would contribute to your comfort.But what about me?What am I to gain from such an arrangement? I am not a servant for hire. I am an independent person, and my happiness matters—at least to me."
He stared at her in amazement. The paleness had disappeared from her face. It flamed with color now. "Did I speak so insultingly?" he asked. "I beg your pardon, ma'am. I had no intention of doing so. I thought the advantages of such a marriage to you would be obvious. I would provide you with a home, security, companionship. What more do you desire?" He was somewhat surprised to hear his own voice sounding irritable, almost angry.
"Nothing," she said."Nothing.Please return me to my uncle's box, my lord. The corridor is deserted. I believe the play is about to resume."
He drew her to a halt outside the box. "My apologies, ma'am," he said, "for having troubled you with such unwelcome addresses. I wish you well." He really had not intended his voice to sound quite so icy, he thought as he took her hand and raised it briefly to his lips. It was very cold.
She curtsied, but she did not raise her eyes to his. "Good night, my lord," she said. She sounded as if she were about to cry.
Sedgeworthwas grinning when he reentered their box. "You might have been luckier at cards tonight, Fairfax," he said. "That Leighton pup would not be able to take a hint if it were handed to him on a velvet cushion, would he? If looks could kill, the poor devil would be six feet under already. Better fortune next time!"
"I am leaving, Sedge," Fairfax said without responding to the teasing. "Are you coming or staying?"
"Oh, I say," his friend protested, "you aren't really so out of sorts merely because you could not walk with the lady of your choice, are you, Fairfax? I would say you probably had a great deal more of sense out of Miss Matthews than you would out of the little Jamieson. I want to see the end of the play. Sit down and forget your woes."
"I shall leave you the carriage," Fairfax said. "I feel like the walk."
Sedgeworthwas prevented from replying by the pointed turning of a lorgnette in their direction from a neighboring box. Behind the lorgnette was a large and frowning dowager, who followed up the glare with a loud "Shhh!"Sedgeworthshrugged at his friend and grinned. Fairfax left.
Fairfax's legs took him home almost of their own volition. He wore an evening cloak, but he scarce knew whether the evening was cool or warm. He was stunned. She had refused him. It was about the first time he could remember a female refusing him anything. But this time he had expected it least of all. Had it been Miss Jamieson or one of the other acknowledged beauties of the Season, he would still have been surprised, but at least those girls must have a large number of suitors to choose among.
