“Willow?” I stepped closer. “Are you okay? What’re you doing out here?”
“I needed to catch you before you left.” She glanced around. “And I couldn’t make it obvious in front of my parents. So I came out here to sit and wait, and I guess I sort of . . . nodded off.” She pressed her lips into a straight line. “I promise I’m not crazy. I just had to see you.” She stretched out one leg, wincing a little. “Damn, my foot’s asleep.”
“Sorry.” I twisted my wrist to check my watch. “Shit, I have to get back to the barracks. Even though my TAC knows I was eating dinner at Coach’s house, I’m supposed to be back before taps.”
“Right. Yes, I get it.” Her forehead puckered. “God, if I could do this any other way . . .” She stood up, lifting her chin so that she gazed up into my eyes. “Dean, I never thought I’d see you again. I had no way to get in touch with you, didn’t even know your last name.”
“I know, it’s crazy, isn’t it?” I shifted my weight from one leg to the other. “What are the odds?”
“Pretty incredible.” Her tongue darted over her lips. “I know we both intended that night to be . . . you know, just fun. One last night before we went back to real life, remember?”
“I do.” I nodded. “And it was. Fun, I mean. I’ve thought about it—about you—a lot since then.”
Willow snorted. “Yeah, same. Maybe not for the same reasons, though.” She gave her head a little shake. “I’ve got to just say this. I wish I didn’t have to, I wish I couldnotsay it . . . but I do. Dean, that night, it turns out it was more than just fun. I’m pregnant, and it’s—well, it happened that night. The baby is yours.”
Everything in my world went suddenly gray, and my ears rang as though someone had swatted me. I couldn’t quite breathe. For a moment, I thought I might pass out.
“What?” I managed to choke out. “What did you say?”
“I’m pregnant.” Willow sounded absolutely miserable. “With your baby.”
“That—it’s impossible,” I spit out. “We were careful. We took precautions. We used condoms.” A hell of a lot of them, too, as I recalled.
“Yeah, well, tell that to the positive pregnancy test and a solid month of morning sickness,” Willow shot back. “Not to mention constant tiredness, crazy mood swings, and a sense of smell that a bloodhound would envy.”
“I can’t do this.” I stared at her, fighting off a wave of sick. Or maybe it was just the mention of morning sickness that made me feel as though I was going to puke. “I’m about to graduate from West Point. I’m going to be commissioned as an officer and start off a career that will give me the life I’ve always wanted. I’m playing the best football of my fucking life.” I took off my hat, even though I was supposed to have it on at all times when I was outside, and rubbed my hand over my short hair. “Jesus Christ. This would ruin everything. It wasn’t supposed to happen to me like this. I have plans, dammit.”
“I know the feeling. Believe me,” she replied tartly. “This wasn’t part of my plans, either. But here we are.”
“Yeah, well . . .” I replaced my hat, making sure it sat exactly as it was supposed to on my head, and then I straightened my shoulders. “I’m not going to let this derail my life. My career. You have no idea what would happen if this comes out.”
Willow regarded me in silence for a long moment and then she nodded. “Okay. Fine. I get it.” Her lower lip trembled just slightly before she sank her teeth into it. “That’s your choice. But now you know, and I can make my own decisions without worrying that I’m cutting you out of the loop. Thanks for that.”
“Willow.” I wanted to pick up something heavy and throw it. I wanted to kick the shit out of something, anything. But instead, I had to get my ass back to the barracks. “I’m sorry it has to be this way. And I’m sorry that I have to leave now. If I had time—if I had any other options—”
“No, I understand.” She shoved her hand into the pocket of her hoodie and pulled out a small piece of notebook paper folded in half. “But take this. Please. Just in case, once the shock wears off, you want—I don’t know, more information or to know what I’m going to do or anything at all. You can text me. Or call, whatever.” She rolled her shoulder. “If you don’t want to speak to me or see me again, that’s your choice. I’m not going to tell anyone who the father of the baby is. Don’t worry, pal. Your secret is safe with me.”
With that final parting shot, she turned around and disappeared into the darkness of the hedges, vanishing like a mist on a cool morning. I hesitated just a moment, torn between the insane desire to go after her and the pressing need to get back to my room.
In the end, I made what I told myself was the safe, smart decision and booked it through the night, walking as fast as I could back to the safety of the barracks. I made it in time by some miracle.
“Cutting it close tonight, huh, dude?” Norton, already in his shorts and T-shirt, smirked at me as I slid through our door. “You and Coach just couldn’t say goodnight, could you?”
I scowled at him absently. “We were working on plays and talking about who needed more laps tomorrow. I told Coach running laps is your favorite.”
“Bastard.” My roommate climbed into bed, propping up his pillows as he rolled to his side. “Was the food good?”
“Yeah, delicious.” I went to unbutton my uniform shirt and realized that I was still holding Willow’s number in my hand. I stared at her neat handwriting, wondering if I should just rip it up and throw it away now, to pretend that she’d never dropped that news into my lap. I knew that what I should do and what I wanted to do were two very different options in this case.
“What’s that?” Norton inquired, gesturing to the note.
“Nothing.” Delaying the decision, I slid the paper into a book on my desk. “Just a . . . reminder.”
“Huh.” Norton was silent as I moved around, lining up my shoes and squaring away my desk. “Everything okay with you? You seem a little—I don’t know. Freaked out? Rattled? Did Coach say something that shook you up?”
“Nope.” I did my best to relax and act normal. “You know me. I’m just tense about getting back so late. About almost missing taps. I don’t like to take risks like that.”
“Sure, sure,” Norton agreed. “I know you. You were probably sitting there with Coach, checking your watch every two minutes in case he forgot to let you go in time.”
