Other than the time he’d been in hospital, obviously. When we hadn’t known—
Anyway, he was alive and well and on his way to recovery. That was all that mattered.
And other people didn’t need to know that my heart was singing hymns at the possibility I’d see him again soon.
So, when people commented that I was more jittery or distracted than usual, I smiled as blandly as I could (rather than dazzle them with the biggest smile ever becauseI was going to see Declan) and said, “I’m visiting family for the holidays.”
It was kind of true. I’d been raised right alongside Declan, our parents were close and they’d become an extended family to me. Lilian, Declan’s mum, always said I was like another son to her so I didn’t really count it as a lie, even thoughtechnicallyit was.
Also, side note, I hated it when she said that because it would make me Declan’s brother and Iwasn’this brother, I was his best friend and actually I wanted to be his husband who jumped his bones every night and was that too much to ask?
It was only three days before I finished work for the Christmas holidays. I’d managed to book the Christmas week off through a combination of my brilliant track record of working hard and being efficient, and explaining to my line manager that Ihadto have the week off to visit myfamilybecause Declan had been in a life-altering accident and I hadn’t seen him since he came out ofhospitaland I don’t know if she sympathised with me or just wanted me to stop crying and getting snot all over her office. Either way, she signed me off for the week.
Living in the city had been okay when Declan had been here with me and I knew that loads of people liked the bustle and the endless parade of things to do but I wasn’t a fan. Today especially, every delay seemed specially designed to annoy me. I wanted to ring Declan but knew I wouldn’t be able to talk to him properly while I was on the tube and walking through the crowded streets.
I had to wait until I got home.
As I left the office, a voice behind me shouted, “Hey, Sonny, wait up.”
I turned to find Greg, one of my colleagues, running after me.
“Hey, did I forget something?” I asked.
He was panting, his breath misting in the chill air. “No, you didn’t. You just left before I could ask if you wanted to come out tonight. A bunch of us are going over to the Red Lion. Want to join us?”
“Nah, sorry. I have to get home.”
“Just for one pint?” he wheedled.
“Sorry, maybe next time.”
Before I could turn away, Greg put his hand on my arm. “Hey, you’ve not been out with us for ages. One drink won’t hurt, will it?”
That made me feel bad. I’d been out with them a couple of weeks ago, though.
Greg stepped closer and I got an uncomfortable feeling in my belly. I couldn’t step back because we were right by the door of the office and people were hustling past us.
“Come out with us, Sonny.”
“I can’t. I have to get home. In the new year, though!”
With that, I broke out of Greg’s hold and slipped into the stream of pedestrians.
Squeezing my way through the crowds, I shivered and huddled deeper into my coat. I’d forgotten my scarf and my teeth were chattering by the time I got home. My tiny flat looked incredibly bare and depressing, but that was because I hadn’t bothered to put up any Christmas decorations. Why bother when I was going to spend Christmas with Declan?
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialled his number. As soon as he answered, I asked, “So? How does it feel?”
Was it me or did Declan not answer me immediately? It was hard to tell, since I was fighting with my shoes at the same time, trying to prise them off my nearly-numb feet.
“It feels strange.”
“Of course it feels strange, that’s normal. But it doesn’t hurt?”
Declan had been working with his physioErikfor three months andErikhad persuaded him to try walking on his prosthetic without his crutches, now he was building up his muscle strength again. I wanted to know how it went. I wanted Declan to feel confident again.
“No, it doesn’t hurt.”
“That’s great!”
