“Not yet,” I finally admit without making eye contact. “Sebastian’s had a lot on his mind. It wouldn’t be fair of me to drop either of those on him while he’s still in the hospital with a sick kid.”
“Mm-hmm,” Pappy hums. “Don’t run from love because it’s scary, kiddo. You’re stronger than that. Running only allows your family to keep winning because it keeps all the power in their hands. Maybe instead of running away from what you fear, it might be time to run toward it and face it head-on—” He stops abruptly and stares over my shoulder.
“Hey,” Seren says. Her tone is solemn, and she doesn’t appear to have slept at all.
Guilt is written all over her face. She’s had two pranks go off recently. One was nanny cabin with the walkie-talkie incident, but it was last night’s prank that was Lottie’s final straw. Somehow, she managed to climb up to each ceiling fan in one of the cabins and line each blade with baby powder.
When the nannies settled in for the night, someone turned on the switch for the fans, and the entire room was covered in white powder.
No one can prove that one was Seren, but her history was enough for every nanny to refuse any job offers from Sebastian.
The worst part is how my chest flooded with warmth at the knowledge that no one would replace me while my head was screaming the same sentiment with a much different feeling attached to it.
My emotions and my mind have never been at such odds before.
“Hey,” I say. “Are you hungry?” There’s no sense in ripping into her again. I’ve already explained how she’ll be cleaning the cabin today and will probably be grounded for a long time to come. But I’m pretty sure it’s the lecture her dad will deliver that’s weighing the heaviest on her.
“No,” she mutters as she slides in next to Pappy.
I smile. He’s who I would turn to if I were in her shoes too.
“He’s going to kill me,” she whispers.
“Life always has consequences, kid. It’s better you learn to face them now than grow up to be an adult who can’t handle hard truths.” Pappy doesn’t sugarcoat it and tell her it’ll be fine. But he does tuck her into his side and hug her tightly.
“I just don’t get why you kept at it. Surely you understand that while you’re older, your brothers need more care when your dad’s at work.” Okay, so maybe I’m not going to push it under the rug this morning.
Seren picks at her fingernail with her head down, but I still see the slight tremor of her chin.
“I’m here for you. I thought we had an understanding and we were going to do this stuff to your dad. What changed?”
Pappy chuckles. “He could use some loosening up, but Row’s right, this isn’t you, kiddo. What’s goin’ on?”
“Those nannies are all highly qualified, and trust me, Lottie has thoroughly vetted them,” I say. “I know nothing is easy right now, but having someone you can count on will be a good thing.”
She lifts her gaze to me, and her glare sends a shiver racing over my exposed skin—she’s never looked so cold. The ice in her green eyes could cover the room in frost. “Like I can count on you?”
Her words hit hard. “I—I was never supposed to be permanent, Ser.”
“And you’re going to leave. It doesn’t matter who takes your place as long as someone does, right?”
“No, that’s not?—”
“Forget it,” she says, standing abruptly. “Everyone says we need a nanny. We need to bring someone else into our lives, but no one has ever asked me who I wanted. No one cares about me or how I feel. No one cares that the one person I want to stay is already planning to leave. No one cares.”
“That’s not true.” My voice wobbles, and she probably doesn’t even hear me as she runs from the room. “I might care too much,” I whisper.
“Oh, Rowan. I thought you were smarter than that,” Pappy chides. “There’s no such thing as caring too much when you’re caring about the right people.”
He’s slow to slide off the bench, but as soon as he’s close enough, he places his hands on my biceps. Holding me at arm’s length, Pappy stares directly into my eyes.
“Carin’ about someone else is the greatest gift on earth. I’d sure hate to see you miss out because you’re too scared of your past to embrace your future.” His thumbs caress the skin on my arms, and I drag my watery gaze to his. “I’m gonna go track down Seren.”
With a final squeeze, he releases me and leaves me alone, his words and my thoughts screaming into the silence.
When we enteryellow cabin number twenty-two, because of course it’s that wretched number, my mouth drops open.
“Oh, Ser. You’re in big, big trouble,” Kade says with eyes the size of saucers.
