As soon as I enter, my knees knock together. He looks so small, so fragile lying there completely helpless and pale.
“They moved us to a private room about twenty minutes ago.”
I drift closer to his bed without thought and scan Miles to confirm he’s breathing, resting, healing.
Sebastian comes to my side, and together we just…stare at his little boy.
I was sad when I left little Lucy and her family, the first child I became dangerously attached to. I’ve clung to the pain of that leaving as a reminder to not get too close, but it’s nothing compared to the fear of thinking Miles might not survive.
Sebastian rests his hand over mine and rubs my knuckles, encouraging them to relax their shaking hold on the railing of the hospital bed.
“He’s going to be fine, Rowan.” His assurance doesn’t placate the fear still surrounding me with a sickening aura. I don’t think anything will ease the death grip it has on me until I see this little boy open his eyes.
“Did you call his mom?”
His fingers tighten their grip on mine.
“I tried,” he sighs. “I got ahold of her dad again, but the results are the same. She’s gone off the grid, and I have no idea how to reach her.”
“At least you tried,” I say. “You’re a good man, Sebastian Walker.”
He wraps an arm around me, and for once, I welcome the embrace.
But there’s also a sickening sense of dread swirling in my gut because I’m already in too deep with this family. The ticking clock that lives inside my head as my own life’s metronome is out of sync. The rhythm is now wild and unpredictable.
I don’t know how to survive its new beat, and I fear that when the clock finally stops, I’ll be the one blown to bits.
“How you doing, kiddo?”Pappy pushes a cup of tea my way, then slides onto the bench next to me.
We’re sitting in the kitchen, awake hours before Seren or Kade will stir because we’re both anxious for Miles to come home today.
“I’m fine. How are you holding up? It’s been a tough couple of days.”
He pats my forearm. “It’s been tough on all of us, Row. It’s hard to see someone you love in so much pain.”
I open my mouth to tell him I’m sorry for his pain but can’t. He was talking about both of us and even though my mind is saying it’s not love I’m feeling, my heart is rapidly beating those thoughts into submission.
“Everyone loves in their own way,” he says, his voice coarse with age. “Just because your love looks different doesn’t mean it’s any less powerful. Seren and Kade needed you these last couple of days, and you gave pieces of yourself I’ve never known you to share. That’s love, Rowan.”
That’s love.
Is it? I’m not sure I ever thought about what love looks like other than what’s fed to us through movies, filled with laughs and hugs, or how my family presented it filled with intentional pain.
It never occurred to me that neither of those scenarios fully encompasses what love is.
Because you’ve never allowed yourself to think about love in terms of anything but how it ends.
“I’m glad I could be here for them,” I say. Lifting the mug of tea to my lips, I blow on it and chance a peek at Pappy.
He sits, smiling at me as if he can hear all my thoughts before I can.
“Have you told him about Lottie yet?”
Shame heats my cheeks. Lottie dropped not one, but two bombs on me in the last couple of days. One, she has to kick the Walkers out of the Nanny camp event because Seren hasapparently become a legend among the other campers who are now attempting to continue her reign as prank-a-nanny queen.
But it’s the other reason that makes the tea scald my throat on its way down—my dream job.
Or what I’ve always thought my dream was…but today, that job feels closer to a betrayal. I just haven’t sorted out what to do about it yet.
