“Actually, not really.” I shrugged. “It’s tough to have a conversation with someone who’s tipping back the shots, you know?”
Julia was young, and it showed tonight.
Her hand found my thigh beneath the table, and she leaned close to me. “Conversation is overrated, Charlie.”
“I don’t feel so well,” Jeanne said from the other side of the booth, just as Benji set down two more drinks before telling us he’d get us some refills on our waters. Tim helped his wife out of the booth, and they walked toward the bathroom.
“Good. I thought they’d never leave,” Julia said, sucking down more than half the liquid in her tall glass with one sip.
“Well, at the rate you’re pumping booze into her, I think they’ll probably be heading home soon. And I’m happy to get you home, but I plan on heading out when they do, so if you’d like me to walk you home, I’ll be leaving early.”
“Charlie, you don’t have to worry. It’s not an issue for me. I think you’re sexy as hell. We can work around the other things, you know? I’m a creative girl.” She smiled, and then her tongue slowly slid across her bottom lip as if she was trying to draw me in. But at this point, I was already one foot out the door and eager to get the hell out of here. I wasn’t going to let her drive home or walk home alone when she was this intoxicated, so I’d walk her there before heading to my place. I wasn’t a complete asshole.
“Julia, I don’t have a fucking clue what you’re talking about. But I’m actually okay with that, because I’d rather not know. How about we just finish our burgers, and I walk you home and we call this done.”
“Charlie,” she said before her hand moved between my legs, and she gripped my cock over the denim of my pants. “I’m talking about your little problem.”
I wrapped my hand around her wrist and tugged it away. “What the fuck are you doing? Read the room. This is not happening. And that is not the way to make it happen, I can promise you that.”
She wasn’t even remotely deterred by me tugging her hand away. “I know about the medication, Charlie, and clearly it’s working from what I just felt there.”
I sighed and closed my eyes for a second, hoping I could will her to stop talking.
No such luck.
“I can help you with your situation. You won’t even need the medication,” she said, her words slurring.
Okay. This wasn’t going to go away, so I just sat there waiting to hear whatever the hell she was going to say, and I made no attempt to stop her this time.
“You won’t be my first limp dick that I’ve dealt with. I can get you there. I could climb right under this booth right now and get you there, Charlie. I’ve got one magical mouth.”
I coughed, choking on the long pull of beer I’d just taken.
I hadn’t been laid in a while. This woman had just grabbed my junk right under the table and was basically talking about having me fuck her mouth right here.
And yet, I wanted to get out of here.
I was clearly not attracted to her at all.
“Do not climb under this table,” I said when she started to move. “Julia, I’m not sure where you’re getting your information, but I don’t take medication. My dick is just fine. But I am not looking for a relationship, and I think we’re best off as friends. I appreciate the offer, though.”
“She said you’d say that. I know it’s embarrassing,” Julia said. “But you aren’t going to push me away. Hell, I don’t even care about your doll collection. I think it’s cute.”
“Who were you talking to? Jeanne?” I asked with a glance over toward the bathroom. Still no sign of Jeanne or Tim, which meant things must not have been going well.
“Okay, you can’t say I told you, because I promised her that I wouldn’t say a word. But Monique does Violet’s hair, and her booth is next to mine. Violet was in the salon today, and I know she lives in your guesthouse and you two are friends. And she wasn’t betraying yourtrust—I promise she wasn’t. She was just trying to help a girl out.” She smiled up at me.
Sure she was.
“What exactly did she say?”
“She told me that the guys all give you a hard time about your situation.” She kept her voice low once again, as this was apparently a sensitive subject. “She said they have all sorts of names for you—Limp Biscuit, Limplestiltskin, Sir Limps a Lot—and we both agreed it’s cruel. And that’s when she told me about the doll collection you keep in your bedroom. Listen, saving all your great-grandmother’s old-fashioned dolls on shelves in your bedroom is not anything to feel bad about. And I don’t even care that you brush their hair every single Sunday to keep them looking nice. I’m a hairdresser, Charlie. I admire your commitment.” She reached for Jeanne’s untouched cocktail, and my eyes widened because this woman could hold her liquor.
Un-fucking-believable.
Tim walked toward the booth, and he did not look pleased.
“Hey, guys, we need to get going. Jeanne is pretty sick. I’m sorry to bail early, but I need to take her home.” He reached for his wallet, and I waved him off.
