"Oh. Charlie. I'm so—" He stopped speaking because he was getting choked up. He looked like he was going to throw his arms around me, dance a little jig, and start crying, possibly all at the same time. It was a little bit alarming.
"Calm down. There are ground rules, of course."
"Of course. Of course." He tried to swallow his smile but couldn't manage it. He was nodding too hard, and his eyes were so bright and full, it almost hurt to look at them.
"Number one." I looked down at my hands, ticking things off on my fingers. "Don't assume anything is OK unless you ask first. I mean even kissing me. Number two, we're trying this out. It'sdating, not some kind of long-term commitment."
"I know," said Russ.
"Then why are you looking so excited?"
"How can you blame me for that? I've wanted to date you for quite some time, Charlie."
I almost rolled my eyes, but I managed to contain myself. After all, it wasn't polite to roll your eyes at your boyfriend. (That was going to take some getting used to — the boyfriend part, that is.) "As long as you remember: it'sdating. That means learning about each other and all that stuff, but it's not some kind of commitment."
"I do know what dating means, Charlie."
My mouth tightened as I felt frustrated with my inability to put into words what I meant.
He laid a hand on my arm very gently. "I do get it. I won't expect too much."
"Good. Thank you."
"Any other ground rules?" He stared at me fondly, patiently.
"Uh—" I tried to remember. I'd gone over it all in my head several times, and it had made sense then. But now I felt as incompetent as I always did about things like this. "Don't be a dick, I guess."
"I'm working on it." He sounded like he was trying not to laugh. "So, will you go out to eat with me tomorrow night?"
"Why tomorrow? Why not tonight?"
"I'll need a chance to book a restaurant."
"No, no. Let's not go anywhere fancy. I hate that kind of thing."
"What? You don't mind fancy hotels."
"That's different. That doesn't involve dealing with people as much as a restaurant does. If you want to eat out, pick somewhere you can just walk in and sit down, like McDonald's. Or a diner."
"Oh, adiner? I thought you hated diners, Charlie."
I grimaced. He'd sure pounced on that. Judging by his evil grin, he wasn't about to let me forget all the times I'd suggested going anywhere but a diner on our road trip.
"What was it you called them, again? 'Greasy spoons — more like greasy forks, knives, and spoons'? Well, well,well."
I ducked my head, trying not to laugh. The teasing by no means went amiss. This felt more natural than his shiny-eyed happy look. I didn't want his happiness to depend on me. It was too big a burden even to deal with my own emotions.
So, after that we started dating. Sometimes that meant going out to eat together, going for a run in the same form — both wolves or both humans — and sometimes it meant going to see a movie. They were simple things. The big difference was, we sat closer at the movies, and we fought less during runs.
We still argued about everything, of course — whether cinnamon was better than nutmeg, which movie to watch, what the main actor's best role had been, whether ducklings were softer than peeps, and basically any other topic that occurred to one of us — but it was the fun kind of arguments, and they didn't end in punches or teeth-baring snarls.
At the end of every date, Russ asked if he could kiss me, and I loved it. Sometimes he was awkward, sometimes he was confident, sometimes he was flirty, sometimes he was teasing — but he always, always asked. Maybe after the first few dates, that would've seemed silly and pointless to most people, but it made me feel great. It was a reminder to both of us that I got to decide on the level of intimacy we shared. It was my choice; it wasn't something I owed him, or that he was going to try to guilt or manipulate me into.
Kissing him was also kind of fun.
It was better than fighting, anyway.
But I wasn't in a hurry to move things along quickly. I liked sitting close in movies, sharing popcorn, arguing about everything, and then having a kiss at the end of the date. It felt like I was a teenager again, doing the things I had never gotten to do at that age. Innocent dates where a kiss was a big deal. Where I didn't owe anyone sex and didn't worry about lifelong commitment, and nothing mattered so much as hanging out and having fun.
