“Haha really? The dirty slut and boyfriend, who I might add was her own stepbrother, are long gone. Anyway, I’d like to see her try. She wouldn’t even get past the gates.”
My mother. No remorse, believing the torture and rape of Savannah to be justified. I wanted to bludgeon her right then, but I knew I just had to wait a little longer for the grand plan toclick into place. And there was no worry about anyone getting pastthe gates. The weasel was already inside.
6 The longing deepens
I didn’t feel any better, in fact I was more enraged. My parents, though I knew they’d been lacking my whole life, had just laid it all out in the open that they’d attacked and beat someone almost to the point of death, just because they were jealous of her, and made glib excuses rather than owning their shit.
I stayed home from school, faking that I was sick and locked myself in my room, refusing to come out. I kept the blinds drawn, feeling more comfortable sitting in the darkness, where the secrets you kept could be revealed and you could forget everything and just be lost in the abyss. I sat on my bed, the only light coming from my bedside lamp and brushed Bess’ fiery red hair, humming the familiar refrain. Although it was daytime and I wasn’t asleep, here in the semi darkness, Bess was awake her voice singing along with me.
I won’t show mercy, won’t be kind, as your life I vanquish, you were never kind to me. Pop goes the weasel!
“You are going to have to go back to your life until it’stime,” Bess encouraged.
“I don’t want to. I can’t stand it anymore. The lies, the fake smiles. I just want to kill them all. I want to feel what it’s like and not just dream it,” I said, flopping back onto the bed, “but it’s not just getting revenge for Savannah, it’s for me to get my own back on my parents and people who’ve wronged me too. I feel the anger, betrayal and hurt just like she does.”
“I know, but you still need to be strong, that’s what we’ve been doing all your life Caspian, making you into the warrior that you were meant to be and need to be,” Bess replied, clambering on to my chest and sitting cross legged.
“What’s going to happen when this is all over? Will you have to leave me?”
“I don’t know. The Dollmaker has never told us.”
“So there are many dolls, not just you?”
“Yes. All have their mission, to bring the guilty to justice.” I sighed. It was torture not knowing and having this aching need deep within me to kill, but then afterwards, would I be doomed to wander the world alone, haunted by horrific visions and memories or would I be able to break away, get myself a home and go to college like every other normal eighteen-year-old?
Presently, I heard a gentle knock on my door. It was Florian with a tray of my favorite French pastries; all baked from scratch and a pot of chamomile tea. Inspite of me ostracizing myself from the world, my belly grumbled in protest. Florian laughed.
“You must eat Caspian. These are fresh out of the oven.” The delicious smell invigorated my nostrils, and my mouth began to water.
“Thank you,” I said, taking the tray from him and padding into my room. He lingered in the doorway, looking concerned that my room was almost in complete darkness and I looked unnaturally dishevelled, distraught and pale.
“You do know you can talk to me don’t you? I know you’ve had a lot to go through, and you’ve got exams coming up and your graduation, but I just wanted you to know that me and all of the staff are here for you, you don’t have to feel alone.”
I turned and smiled at him, feeling a flush of gratitude and then a stab of embarrassment. I could have anything I wanted aside from the love of my real parents. Instead I got pity from the help.
“Thanks for the pastries,” I said, and closed the door in his face.
“He thinks a lot of you,” Bess said, as I sat on the bed offering her some of the pastries. She pulled off a piece and her sharp little teeth ravaged it viciously, “mmm these are good!”
“I guess, but he’s beneath me, a servant. I will not make the mistake of getting close to people not on my level like I did with Isabella. In fact, I’mbetter off on my own. The only person who hasn’t let me down is you Bess,” I said, as I ate, my eyes fluttering at the exquisite taste of the warm goodies. We demolished the tray and drained the teapot and then we lay in a pleasant food coma on the bed.
“How come I can see you moving when I’m awake?” I asked, feeling full and sleepy.
“Because the power is getting stronger now. The task is almost at its end, and you are nearly the weasel, all on your own, without my help.” We drifted off, and for the first time in a long while, I just let the stress and anger float away and cleared my mind, not thinking of anything, just feeling at peace. That was, of course, until I started dreaming.
I was walking down Lull Lane, then I crossed Main Street and made my way along the leafy streets to Hawthorne Elementary School. I could feel that I was wearing the mask, and I wondered where Bess was. As I reached the school, I noticed that it was home time and little kids were being greeted by their parents or piling onto the yellow school buses that were waiting outside. I was drawn to one bus in particular and boarded it. The driver, a tanned, chubby guy with a crew cut and a bushy moustache looked at me with disdain as he put on his aviator sunglasses. I could hear the wind chime giggling of Bess and made my way down the bus.
“Why do you have a raccoon mask on?” one cherub faced, blonde haired boy asked, his bright blues eyes questioning.
“I’m not a raccoon. I’m a weasel,” I snarled, my voice dripping with intimidation. The child shrunk back into his seat. The bus was almost full, but I found somewhere to sit near the back. I could hear the whispers and giggling of curious children and then from under the seat in front of me, out came Bess.
“Isn’t this fun?!” she said excitedly, “our first road trip!”
The bus pulled away from the curb and made its way along the avenue. Bess climbed onto my knee, and a brunette girl with freckles and pigtails in the seat next to me grinned.
“What a pretty dolly! How does she move and talk like that? I want one!”
“She’s a special dolly,” I replied, “she’s my best friend.” Bess smiled showing her horrific teeth, that looked even more frightening than usual. The little girl stopped smiling and turned away frightened.
